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Thread: The demons we live with.

  1. #81

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    Quote Originally Posted by Drifter View Post
    We never discussed my father's mental health as a family. He had a couple of 'nervous breakdowns' for which he was committed and received shock treatments the old fashioned way. Back then shock treatments were more torture than therapy but they were somewhat effective in getting people to act normal in order to avoid going back for more. He sometimes took off his belt to strap us with, but that was an accepted form of discipline at the time and I probably deserved it. He did things to at least one of my sisters that would definitely be considered sexual abuse today. I was never able to connect with him in a meaningful way and often felt a deep hatred towards him because of that. He had a good job but missed so much work that we never had any extra money. He probably cheated on my mother. In my early teen years the hatred peaked and I was convinced he was a bad person. Being a skinny geek with big ears I also got my share of bullying at school.

    Obviously my demons are nowhere near as terrible as some of the demons mentioned here. Eventually I learned to appreciate, and even admire, some of the ways my father dealt with the life that was handed to him. Unfortunately, I learned that too late.

    The reason I'm posting this is because I believe it is important, at some point in your life, to stop feeding your demons.
    Well said, and I completely agree. Whether we realise it or not (especially early on), we all have the choice to be better than our parents.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Edit, this is reminding me of the movie gattica. Our genetics do not determine who we are so long as we have determination.

  2. #82

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    Drifter: I too had parents with mental and-or medical problems. While its difficult to cope with this stuff when your a kid as an adult you have to get past it and become an adult in your own right accept responsibility for your own life and your own choices. One of my sisters became completely obsessed with blaming her problems on her/our disfunctional upbringing and has had a miserable life, ending up strung out on psych meds to the point where she couldn't work and and ending up in and out of hospitals and institutions. She tends to focus her anger on our now deceased mother while I've always been angrier at our father. I know she was and is essentially trying to dull the pain but has wrecked her own life in the proccess. I've scolded her at times telling her I think she's too self-obsessed and mired in past anger. I understand her feelings because I went through them too but I think you should only move forward.

  3. #83

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    This is a very good topic. I may as well add myself to the conversation also. I too had to (still have to) deal with low self-esteem in life. I was bullied in school and felt depressed through much of my life.

    I never became an alcoholic just because I suffer from horrible hangovers which is a good thing. I was married to an alcoholic for 24 years and dealt with more abuse during this time. I also was not allowed to indulge in my little side which was my escape in the past.

    After coming to terms with my wife's death and opening myself up to accepting my little side again, life is better. Depression still creeps in at times but my little side is again there to comfort me and give me some reprieve. I know I do not ever want to go back to a relationship where I cannot be myself or I am abused in. I now accept that being alone and accepting one's self is more important than having someone who may not accept you next to you.

  4. #84

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    I have suffered physical, psychological and sexual abuse at an early age. I also suffered a lot of bullying all through school. Thar has left me with large gaps in my memory of my past--where I hear about some of the worst stuff from my sister who was there for the early stuff. I have severe Depression and PTSD from my childhood and though I'm in a much better headspace than I was then, I'm still pretty messed up inside. I try hard to go on living and to try to enjoy those days where I can be happy for a while. I fight that urge to just end it and so far, I've been successful. But I am extremely sensitive to humiliation and if my anger get's pushed too far, I become a berserker and that is truly frightening to both me and the people around me. I'm not a small guy and I can be quite terrifying if pushed too far. I really do not enjoy it when that happens. I also break easier now.

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