The worst mistake of my life

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Rift

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I left out of my dad's because I have a car and couldn't stand how everything has to be my fault whether it is or isn't. I know that nobody is perfect and now I wish that I had waited a little while longer before leaving because now I am stuck living out of my car with nowhere to go and I am trying to get into a extended stay hotel but every where I look they are completely booked or I just missed them by a couple minutes and my dad kept pushing and pushing me to to get out of there. I just couldn't take it anymore. I wasn't hurting anyone or breaking any laws but he would always be looking for something bad to happen and I'M not sure what to do now with all the hotels I know of are completely booked. All the homeless shelters that I know of are in Atlanta but I don't know how to get to them so I went to the police and they told me that I could stay the night in the Walmart parking lot and leave in the morning also my boss has granted me permission to stay at the restaurant parking lot during daylight hours. I have spent a full week living in my car crying because it's scary and thanks to the police officers I can stay out of trouble. I'M scared that one day my luck will run out and I doing all I can to stay legal. I don't know what else to do. I can't afford to keep driving around all the time. I thought that I would be OK but I'm not. I'm scared and lonely I feel like a complete failure. I have called the suicide hotline for someone to talk to so I don't feel so lonely all the time. I don't feel suicidal or anything I'm just in way over my head and it seems that there's no way out.
 
OMG.... that's just awful. *HUGS!* The first thing I'll tell you is that you are no failure -- a failure would have given up long ago. You haven't failed at anything, you've just had a raw deal. I can only imagine what it must be like to live out of a car, but it can't be fun in the least. Do you have any friends you could stay with, perhaps even somewhat distant ones? Also, not to get too personal, but what does your financial situation look like? Is your bank account starting to dwindle because of expenses related to this situation? Hotels are certainly expensive places to live in... are there any hostels nearby?

Also, feel free to PM me if you are feeling lonely... if I'm on I'll respond. Loneliness is a feeling I am very well acquainted with. Hang in there, hon.
 
If you are regretting it, can't you just tell your dad that? Would he allow you to move back in?
I am also a little confused because at first, it sounds like you left on your own, and then you say your dad kept pushing you to get out of there.

Also, what exactly was he looking for and blaming you for? I am just not certain I understand the whole picture here or exactly what occurred or why.
 
Sapphyre said:
OMG.... that's just awful. *HUGS!* The first thing I'll tell you is that you are no failure -- a failure would have given up long ago. You haven't failed at anything, you've just had a raw deal. I can only imagine what it must be like to live out of a car, but it can't be fun in the least. Do you have any friends you could stay with, perhaps even somewhat distant ones? Also, not to get too personal, but what does your financial situation look like? Is your bank account starting to dwindle because of expenses related to this situation? Hotels are certainly expensive places to live in... are there any hostels nearby?

Also, feel free to PM me if you are feeling lonely... if I'm on I'll respond. Loneliness is a feeling I am very well acquainted with. Hang in there, hon.

The only thin that comes to mind is to get out of the state of Georgia and back to Pennsylvania to live with my mom if she let's me
 
dragon123 said:
The only thin that comes to mind is to get out of the state of Georgia and back to Pennsylvania to live with my mom if she let's me

Do you have a strained relationship with her?
 
Sorry it's abut of both he would always get mad over small stuff for example when I was living with him in Sacramento California the rule was the I needed to have a job or go to school and if I didn't have either one then I would have to do some hose work wich was no big deal until my step sister came home from school and would destroy all the hard work that I put into making sure everything was clean then when either my dad or step mom came home from work they would say that I didn't do anything around the house when they were gone as time went by the same process over and over so my dad would lock me outside from 4:00 in the morning to 9:00 at night in all kinds of weather and every time something happened I was the primary target because in my dads mind I am the oldest so it had to have been my fault that it happened and still to this day he is still treating no me like I'm some dirt under the rug. I moved out of his home the first time because of being blamed for everything like nobody else does anything and I'm always feeling like I have to be perfect so with my moms help I successfully moved out she also helped me get a place of my own and why I got it my brother moved t with me we lived there in abbottstown Pennsylvania for about a year then he quit his job and moved to Georgia and left me high and dry so that made me have to move back in with my dad and I knew it was going to take a turn for the worst one day but didn't know when so when I got there I got a job and then started paying him rent up until now because even though he would lock me outside and blame me for some of the stuff my sister did I would still forgive him but this time I can't do it
 
Starrunner said:
I don't think trying to go back home to your father is a good idea. The home environment has proven to be toxic and violent. You've been down this road before of becoming homeless and moving back. You need to close the door on your father's abuse and move on.

Well, I didn't know of any abuse and violence going on from the post here, but assuming that is the case, I agree with Starrunner.
 
Sapphyre said:
Do you have a strained relationship with her?

I don't know for sure but yet she has been saying that it's to hard on her physically and emotionally with everything that's going on right now I don't know why but Evey time I call she always sounds happy on the other side of the phone it's hard to make heads or tails aleast for now
 
I should have listened and I'm sorry that I didn't because now hurting even worse because of it.

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Starrunner said:
If you think there's a chance she'll put you up, then it can't hurt to give her a call and ask if you can crash there for a few days. If you don't feel comfortable doing that or if she's not up to it then you contact the shelter.

I should have listened and I'm sorry that I didn't before because now I'm hurting even worse because of it .

I'M hoping that she will
 
dragon123 said:
I should have listened and I'm sorry that I didn't because now hurting even worse because of it.

Listened to who? Your father? From the sound of it, he's being a real jerk, and he pushed you to your breaking point. Everyone has one, and if someone pushes indefinitely (or if you let them) eventually you'll break and something drastic will have to change. I don't think you made a mistake at all by leaving even without having someplace lined up to go. You reached your limit. And I agree with Starrunner that going back is probably NOT a good idea, FWIW.

*hugs* I hope something works out for you soon. Keep trying, and for now just try to find ways to be as comfortable as possible; among other things it will help you think and come up with plans to try.
 
Apply to Swift they have a terminal in Decatur. They will train you to drive and house you for free. Driving is not for everyone but it will get you off the street and back on your feet with a roof over your head in the meantime. PM me if you want I do training for them.
 
If it's any help at one point I lived in a 82 Honda civic , just large enough not to be an ashtray, it was a hard time , but never told anyone about it , because it wasn't there problem , it may feel like failure but try looking at it the way I do , it builds character , and when your older you will respect everything that you have because you know hard times and know how to survive , I can show you 100 friends of mine that would not have the foggiest idea on how to do it , and trust me an 82 civic hatchback is sub compact , and in the winter you have to leave the hatch open a bit for ventilation , by the time I left that job , I had my own place and a strong reputation for being the can do guy , who was first one in in the morning and last one to leave , only then at my retirement party did I admit that the first 4 months on the job I camped in my car , slept on my camping mattress ( open cell foam , open the valve and it "self inflates" ) did the three SSS at a nearby truckstop , as well as laundry and nobody had a clue until then about one of the harder points of my young life, you will come thru this , your not a failure in any way , you are surviving , that's the important thing, and at some point later in life you will wish for that loneliness as you will have a ton of things you need to do to get others around you squared away . Keep the faith man !

And just so you know computers were relatively new and there was no Internet yet , so it was lonely in the car with just my thoughts and stereo ( stereos sucked pretty bad then also) but just as I did you will survive and develope a deep appreciation for your own resourcefulness in geting you thru this and onto better times .
Sent from my SM-T810 using Tapatalk
 
First, I'm sorry to read about your situation. Second, Your not as alone as you might think.

Family is family no matter what. Sometimes they have a funny way of showing they care, sometimes they don't at all. Unfortunanly we can't choose our parents, or I'd be a successful millionaire right now (LOL)

Take me for example. I was adopted at the age of 6. And at the age of 19 when attempted suicide, and survived with all the odds against me, my father (Who is a minster) kicked me out. I had two jobs, and became homeless. It went darker after all that. But here I am 7 years later, homeless 4 times after that (some due to bad mistakes, or sheer bad luck)

Sometimes things have to get worse before they get better.

I hope that you find yourself in a better situation and want you to know that I am always here to talk.

~Max~
 
I know what it's like to be in your shoes, I was homeless for 2 years. The best thing to do would be saving up to get an apartment or save up to be able to move to a cheaper area. I know California is an over priced wreck.

You could find a truck stop to park at, they are commonly slept at by truck drivers as myself.

The bad thing about your dad is that he expects school to teach you the path of life. I don't know exactly why he's doing what he's doing, but you should look at it as a growing pain. I know what you're going through, and there's avenues out there to take. Don't burn your money on hotel rooms, they'll burn a hole in your wallet. I know a car isn't the most comfortable place, but you'll be able to save money to put down payment on some kind of apartment. Along with utilities, and deposit, 1st months rent and so on.

It'll take some time, but don't fret, it isn't the end, take a deep breath and write down some goals. Sign up for Uber, or some other service that would keep you busy and earn money while you have no where to go during time off. Work for Amazon Flex, find anything that you can jump in to. Figure what kind of income you'll need to be able to maintain a place and your car payments or whatever bills you NEED to pay.

You can go to a trucking company that'll help you get your CDL. You can live on the road and make a good wage and eventually get your own place.

Calm down, and mull over this advice and if you have questions, I can help guide you. You can catch me on the discord chat via phone app.
 
If you have the time to spend with your mother, you should never throw away that chance, probably the biggest regret in life I have, missing some of the last chances I had in life to spend with my mom.
 
Sapphyre said:
Listened to who? Your father? From the sound of it, he's being a real jerk, and he pushed you to your breaking point. Everyone has one, and if someone pushes indefinitely (or if you let them) eventually you'll break and something drastic will have to change. I don't think you made a mistake at all by leaving even without having someplace lined up to go. You reached your limit. And I agree with Starrunner that going back is probably NOT a good idea, FWIW.

*hugs* I hope something works out for you soon. Keep trying, and for now just try to find ways to be as comfortable as possible; among other things it will help you think and come up with plans to try.

I'M done listening to my dad. My plan is to continue the search for a extended stay hotel room if they have anything available I can have a room by Friday. I really hope my luck improves because I don't like living in my car
 
Tetra said:
If it's any help at one point I lived in a 82 Honda civic , just large enough not to be an ashtray, it was a hard time , but never told anyone about it , because it wasn't there problem , it may feel like failure but try looking at it the way I do , it builds character , and when your older you will respect everything that you have because you know hard times and know how to survive , I can show you 100 friends of mine that would not have the foggiest idea on how to do it , and trust me an 82 civic hatchback is sub compact , and in the winter you have to leave the hatch open a bit for ventilation , by the time I left that job , I had my own place and a strong reputation for being the can do guy , who was first one in in the morning and last one to leave , only then at my retirement party did I admit that the first 4 months on the job I camped in my car , slept on my camping mattress ( open cell foam , open the valve and it "self inflates" ) did the three SSS at a nearby truckstop , as well as laundry and nobody had a clue until then about one of the harder points of my young life, you will come thru this , your not a failure in any way , you are surviving , that's the important thing, and at some point later in life you will wish for that loneliness as you will have a ton of things you need to do to get others around you squared away . Keep the faith man !

And just so you know computers were relatively new and there was no Internet yet , so it was lonely in the car with just my thoughts and stereo ( stereos sucked pretty bad then also) but just as I did you will survive and develope a deep appreciation for your own resourcefulness in geting you thru this and onto better times .
Sent from my SM-T810 using Tapatalk

You are more impressive every time I see one of your posts.

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dragon123 said:
I'M done listening to my dad. My plan is to continue the search for a extended stay hotel room if they have anything available I can have a room by Friday. I really hope my luck improves because I don't like living in my car

Back up a sec.

You keep referring only to living plans. What are your long term goals and life plans? I don't think you've mentioned them in this thread. The reason I ask is: MeTaLMaNN1983 had a pretty good suggestion. If you don't currently have a life plan, getting a trucker's license and a job that way can give you security, an income, and (as he said) a place to sleep. Truck stops feature showers and places to eat, and life on the road for a living has got to beat life in a parking lot without one.
 
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