Parents lose all sense when it comes to potty learning. If they were learning bike riding, or walking, it'd be considered unforgivibly inept to do what parents can get away with while their kids are learning to potty, but for some reason, it's allowed, because parents are frustrated, and mistakenly believe their kids are doing things parents don't like, purely out of spite. And it's the same rather they're training a puppy or a human, in the fact that most people's harsh, critical, asshole side comes out. I've taught toddlers, Neurotypical and Neurodiverse, and learning to potty is scary.
I had a box with a ramp built, so that even if parents stood up, I'd tower above them, then said, "I'm bigger than you, you love me, and I'm your boss, now, after 20 or 30 years of doing what you were told was right, pee and poop your pants. Go on. You can do it on the toilet, so, I don't care if this isn't your natural going position. Just do it, because I said so," just so they'd gain some insight and empathy.
They'd usually respond with, "But he can hold it. He waits 'til I'm not looking and goes in his pants," or, she just waits 'til she's diapered at nap time," to which I'd respond, "Knowing what you want them to do doesn't make it any easier to do it. Sitting is a new position, like standing or squatting to go in your pants would have been for you."
That moment of concentration you see a bit before they use their diapers may not be quite what it seems. True, sometimes they're just pushing, but sometimes it's, "What's that? Oh, yeah, I remember now. Now, how do I get this out?"
They have to actually think about how to work those muscles, even in their diapers. Then, about the time they learn, beloved, frustrated, angry giants take them away, and act like the kid should magically know that diapers aren't okay, and everything they need to know about the potty.
It's pee. It's poop. It's not perchloric acid. Calm the hell down, people! Technically, a kid's not potty trained until it's mastered day and night, meaning get there, manage clothes down, go, wipe, manage clothes up, for an extended period of time.
Potty learning starts with learning to notice what the need feels like, and care. This can actually be taught from birth. It's called Elimination Communication, and most parents don't do it, because it's, say it with me. . . Work! Most western E.C.ers do allow diapers, for certain times, or in certain zones, like the car, or in times of, 'strange potty syndrome,' in unfamiliar places, they'll diaper them, instead of forcing it. I like the practice because there is no force, yelling, or bulls hit, and, actually, if the kid misses, it's the parent's fault, for not paying attention, so, no kid shaming allowed, and the kids are body aware sooner. Bad news is, you're gonna be training for maybe 4 or more years, depending on the kid. Usually, for the older ones who've ECd from birth, it's just at night.
With E.C., it's important to know that though a baby less than a year old can signal you, he or she is completely dependent on you.
Also, my kids will know and understand that I'd rather them go, than distend those muscles too far. Holding it too long causes distention, which causes retention, which causes bladder infections, and sometimes O.A.B. Bowel distention and poop shyness can cause overflow bowel IC, so if it gets to the point where I think they're anywhere close, I'll cue mine to go, diapered or not, "too old". . .(Ha! Too old to what? Know your body's limits?) or not. It's poop. It's pee. It's not a crime, and it's called a damn towel.
People treat dogs better than kids. They listen when the veterinarian says not to restrict fluids, but, have a bed wetting kid, and all bets are off!
Mine will eat and drink their fill, period. I can deal with a wet diaper, or undies and sheets. I can't deal with anything or anyone of mine whimpering at night from hunger or thirst!
Consequences? For someone with quite possibly a genetic predisposition? Really? Dinosaur!
