I'm 100% certain on my sexuality now.

I'm a trans-girl who loves men, I've finally found who I am, and I'm happy for myself, I love guys and penis, It's taken me a long time to come to the conclusion, but I've finally discovered myself yay

I think my recent sexual dreams about guys was a god damn red flag, I would always be the female in the dream, I had the right parts and everything.

The idea of me being a guy, and having sex with another guy, is just odd, I'm not homophobic or anything, but It just feels like I should have something else down there, It just seems more right to me to have the right parts down there and it means a lot more than I think it does.

I'm a trans-girl who is sexually attracted to men, diapers also provide comfort because it conceals the parts I'm not supposed to have.

I hate having a penis, and it just feels odd to have that thing dangling down there, I honestly want it cut off, and gone, I hate all my male features about me, There are several red flags of me being transgender, I cross my legs, I seem very feminine, I absolutely love guys and I get jealous of other girls.

I really want to be a girl, but my physical appearance kind of turns that off, I'm sure I could be very pretty with make up and the right clothes.

Ever since I was 16 I knew something was off, I had a interest in girls stuff, girls clothes, I tried them for the first time, grew my hair out long, I remember wearing a bra and some underwear at that time, around that time I never knew I loved men, but after some experimentation I felt that I was sexually attracted to guys just never knew it most of my life.

At first I found it odd that I got aroused by wearing female clothes, than it finally clicked that it was more of a personal thing, which is why I discovered I'm transgender, I don't know why, but it's a interpersonal thing, and just happened to spring up in my sexuality, I'm somewhat ashamed I'm a transgirl as it just feels odd if that makes some sense and obviously being closeted doesn't help.

It's kind of an odd thing to explain but the more girly things I do, the more happier and normal I feel, It's the only time I feel myself.

I have no sexual interests in females, It's more of me looking at a hot person thinking I wish I had boobs like that, or wished I was that hot, and feeling very bad and jealous of not looking that pretty.

It's certainly always good to discover something about yourself and then finally be certain of it.

I do want to say a couple of things though on traps many transgender women tend to fall into, and some I have fallen into myself.
For example, I felt I was never interested in girls and even to this day I have never actually seriously dated a girl. I felt like because I considered myself transgender, then I should like guys. Now of course I do like guys, but I learned and accepted quite recently that I also like girls. I have always been attracted to girls, and it doesn't make me any less of a women. So, I now consider myself bi-sexual.

The other traps I had fallen into, as well as many others, is the misconception that we must be girly. Not even biological girls are necessarily the stereotypical girly. I at times felt like because I had a lot of "boyish" interests, it made me less of a girl. Again, that is so totally not true. Doesn't matter what your interests are.

Really, all that matters is that you are you. Male or female, that isn't going to change. So continue to enjoy the interests and quarks you have regardless if you don't view them as feminine. That is ok.

I know for some this is things they are already aware of, but I felt it was worth mentioning.

I understand the feelings completely. What really settled it for me was the anatomical discomfort with my own body. I just hate having male anatomy and everything that goes with it. And I always have. For many transwomen, I've heard anyway, it starts off with clothing and goes from there. Not for me, it started with very strong discomfort with my anatomy... clothing came later and OMG it just felt right.

I think MarchinBunny hit it spot-on: what matters is that you be yourself. Sexuality and gender identity are two different things. Sexuality is something to be discovered, but nothing to ever worry about. I'm "bi" myself (well, more accurately, pansexual). But I'm also selective enough about it that I haven't gotten together with anyone in a LONG time. But that's just me. You don't "have" to like men, you can like whomever you like. It really makes no difference to who you are.

So great you are finding your identity.

Everyone should be themselves but I get it's easier said than done.

It is always wonderful to start piecing together the puzzle of life. You seem to be working things out inside and sorting all the emotions into their proper places. You have come to a realisation and if you want to follow it through then there could be exciting times ahead. When the air of confusion has lifted you can take time to reflect on how far you have come and even look forward to a happy future.

MarchinBunny said:

I do want to say a couple of things though on traps many transgender women tend to fall into,.....

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This is fantastic advice from Bunny above, there are so many pitfalls and I wanted to expand a little on these. In your post you speak a lot about clothing and other exterior or physical attributes that make you feel feminine. This is great that you are expressing yourself in ways that make you happy and I can imagine the relief you are feeling form your discoveries of late. Make-up, hair and fashion are the fun things about being a woman, with practice your will look and feel the part in no time.

The old saying clothes do not make the man rings true for the fairer sex as well and as Bunny has said it is easy to fall into the 'girly' trap. Ask yourself some questions, what is a woman? What makes a woman great? The reason I mention this is because the hardest part of transition is the inside. The mental strength required to be successful should not be underestimated. You have to relearn how to act and contribute to society, you have to break down all the subconscious male traits that have naturally formed over the years. It may be that you need to become kinder or more gentle when considering others feelings. Women, for the most part, are more in touch with the world around them. Their social interactions are normally much more complex and you have to be accepted into the sisterhood to have any chance of a happy transition. It is much more than sexuality and realising you want to with men as a woman, it is more about how you can blend seamlessly into society.

It can be a hard concept to get your head around but it is not enough to simply state you are a woman, you have to show it, through your words and actions. When you do start to breakdown your male socialisation and start seeing the world in the way women do you will feel truly liberated. Far more liberated than any amount of clothes or makeup will ever be able to do. You have alluded to experiencing discomfort when thinking about your body, I would recommend trying not thinking about this for now because there will be very little you can do about it in your current situation.

Transition is an all encompassing process that takes over every aspect of your life. It may be better to resolve some of the other issues in your life before you can even think about building a new future for yourself. A rocky road is filled with hazards and dangers but a smooth one gives us freedom to concentrate on what makes us happy. I know you have not been having the best of times with your family of late and it is worth thinking about trying to repair the bridges.This may really help your mental state and allow you to put everything into discovering who you really want to be. You have made a great start by reaching down deep are working out your sexuality. Keep the positive thoughts going and see where else you can get to, not just about gender but your family situation as well.

MotherFaith said:

It is always wonderful to start piecing together the puzzle of life. You seem to be working things out inside and sorting all the emotions into their proper places. You have come to a realisation and if you want to follow it through then there could be exciting times ahead. When the air of confusion has lifted you can take time to reflect on how far you have come and even look forward to a happy future.



This is fantastic advice from Bunny above, there are so many pitfalls and I wanted to expand a little on these. In your post you speak a lot about clothing and other exterior or physical attributes that make you feel feminine. This is great that you are expressing yourself in ways that make you happy and I can imagine the relief you are feeling form your discoveries of late. Make-up, hair and fashion are the fun things about being a woman, with practice your will look and feel the part in no time.

The old saying clothes do not make the man rings true for the fairer sex as well and as Bunny has said it is easy to fall into the 'girly' trap. Ask yourself some questions, what is a woman? What makes a woman great? The reason I mention this is because the hardest part of transition is the inside. The mental strength required to be successful should not be underestimated. You have to relearn how to act and contribute to society, you have to break down all the subconscious male traits that have naturally formed over the years. It may be that you need to become kinder or more gentle when considering others feelings. Women, for the most part, are more in touch with the world around them. Their social interactions are normally much more complex and you have to be accepted into the sisterhood to have any chance of a happy transition. It is much more than sexuality and realising you want to with men as a woman, it is more about how you can blend seamlessly into society.

It can be a hard concept to get your head around but it is not enough to simply state you are a woman, you have to show it, through your words and actions. When you do start to breakdown your male socialisation and start seeing the world in the way women do you will feel truly liberated. Far more liberated than any amount of clothes or makeup will ever be able to do. You have alluded to experiencing discomfort when thinking about your body, I would recommend trying not thinking about this for now because there will be very little you can do about it in your current situation.

Transition is an all encompassing process that takes over every aspect of your life. It may be better to resolve some of the other issues in your life before you can even think about building a new future for yourself. A rocky road is filled hazards and dangers but a smooth one gives us freedom to concentrate on what makes us happy. I know you have not been having the best of times with your family of late and it is worth thinking about trying to repair the bridges.This may really help your mental state and allow you to put everything into discovering who you really want to be. You have made a great start by reaching down deep are working out your sexuality. Keep the positive thoughts going and see where else you can get to, not just about gender but your family situation as well.

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Oh this is so very true, and great advice. *clap clap* ^_^ I still look like a guy, and haven't entirely made the "inner transition" yet, but it's happening by degrees. I come off as "gay" now, and sometimes, I'm actually called "ma'am" by someone over the phone who doesn't know me. On a good day, my voice can be very gender-neutral, and if I'm calling e.g. the pharmacy for a prescription refill, I use my "polite voice" which is even higher-pitched, and combined with the vocal inflections and general sensitivity that people can usually feel pretty quickly, it is often inferred (correctly) that I'm a woman. Last time it happened with the pharmacy I was asked who I was in relation to (my male name), his girlfriend, his mother? Haha! It just made me smile because I knew I was making progress.

Of course my mom doesn't get why this could happen at all, because to her I sound like "a regular guy." It's wishful thinking on her part really... it's what she wants me to be, so it's what she sees. She knows I'm trans and is at least accepting of it insofar as she CAN be. No one else in my family knows anything at all about it, and they probably shouldn't. Other than possibly one of my aunts, the family is pretty closed-minded and most of them live far away anyway. So they can't ever see the growing femininity for themselves.

Oh yeah, one more VERY funny story about my voice.... so, before I started facial hair removal, several of us at work who were always clean-shaven thought it would be fun to have a "beard off." I won (lucky me) because the hair grew in thickly and evenly and over a massive area. So, while the silly "beard off" competition was still going on (and it WAS fun to see how different everyone looked... of course someone got nicknamed "patches", haha!), I had to go to Target to buy a beard trimmer. And I couldn't find them, so I found a shelf-stocker, an older gentleman, who was hunched down putting things on the shelf. And I asked him -- of course using my "polite voice" -- where the beard trimmers were. Without turning around he said "One moment ma'am" and then when he turned around and saw this thickly-bearded guy standing there he was all apologetic, and I told him nono, it's okay. And I was just giggling. ^^

Sapphyre said:

Oh yeah, one more VERY funny story about my voice.... so, before I started facial hair removal, several of us at work who were always clean-shaven thought it would be fun to have a "beard off." I won (lucky me) because the hair grew in thickly and evenly and over a massive area. So, while the silly "beard off" competition was still going on (and it WAS fun to see how different everyone looked... of course someone got nicknamed "patches", haha!), I had to go to Target to buy a beard trimmer. And I couldn't find them, so I found a shelf-stocker, an older gentleman, who was hunched down putting things on the shelf. And I asked him -- of course using my "polite voice" -- where the beard trimmers were. Without turning around he said "One moment ma'am" and then when he turned around and saw this thickly-bearded guy standing there he was all apologetic, and I told him nono, it's okay. And I was just giggling. ^^

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HAHAHA :smile: that is pretty funny. My voice has come a long way to. I have a good voice-o-metre actually. In my work I regularly have to speak with the general public over the phone. When I first transitioned I was probably only 'convincing' about 10% of people that I was a female. I had many comments like 'Faith is a different name for a guy' or 'I have never met a man called Faith'. But cutting a long story short I would say I am probably at about 90% in terms of people just thinking they are speaking with a female. I do really try though, I knew it was a bit of a make or break part of my transition due to the kind of work I do. I very rarely get mis-gendered in shops now either which really shows me I have progressed so far since the early days.

MotherFaith said:

HAHAHA :smile: that is pretty funny. My voice has come a long way to. I have a good voice-o-metre actually. In my work I regularly have to speak with the general public over the phone. When I first transitioned I was probably only 'convincing' about 10% of people that I was a female. I had many comments like 'Faith is a different name for a guy' or 'I have never met a man called Faith'. But cutting a long story short I would say I am probably at about 90% in terms of people just thinking they are speaking with a female. I do really try though, I knew it was a bit of a make or break part of my transition due to the kind of work I do. I very rarely get mis-gendered in shops now either which really shows me I have progressed so far since the early days.

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That's great. ^_^ I have some software to measure vocal pitch, and my normal speaking voice is in the overlap-zone between male and female, AKA gender-neutral. But if I really try, I can just barely touch the exclusively-female range. So, practice practice practice. I haven't yet found a good way to measure "resonance", that is, making one's voice come more from their head than their chest cavity, but I'm trying to learn to hear / feel the difference and working on it that way.

Sapphyre said:

That's great. ^_^ I have some software to measure vocal pitch, and my normal speaking voice is in the overlap-zone between male and female, AKA gender-neutral. But if I really try, I can just barely touch the exclusively-female range. So, practice practice practice. I haven't yet found a good way to measure "resonance", that is, making one's voice come more from their head than their chest cavity, but I'm trying to learn to hear / feel the difference and working on it that way.

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I went for some voice training for a year or so, helped me no end with resonance. It is really just about confidence and practice for the most part. Anyone can change their voice if they really work hard. I know some transfolk that have not bothered to amend their voice, or do not try hard enough. It can be very mixed results when dealing with society.

I have not really done a whole lot of voice training. Sapphyre knows what I sound like.
That isn't to say I can't sound female, I can (or well maybe, it's been many years since I did) ... but I sound like a telephone operator when I try. Would need to practice a whole lot more to get a more natural sounding voice.

I 100% agree with Bunny's earlier comments. Don't fall into "traps that may not actually align with what it means for you to be confident and happy as a woman. I'm a bit of a switch tbh, when it comes to masc/fem, but I'm generally all about the tomboy/butch aesthetic with maybe some eyeliner and lipstick. Likewise, I (after only being with men before I transitioned) realized a few years ago that I was pansexual. thank Cthulhu, cause I don't know what I'd do without my significant other (who is nonbinary).

On voice, it is great that you're having no real problems. I actually had some background in brass and theatre, so finding a natural voice that feels aligned with who I am was not terribly hard either.

Also, congrats on finding your self!

MarchinBunny said:

I have not really done a whole lot of voice training. Sapphyre knows what I sound like.
That isn't to say I can't sound female, I can (or well maybe, it's been many years since I did) ... but I sound like a telephone operator when I try. Would need to practice a whole lot more to get a more natural sounding voice.

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Oh yeah... you should TOTALLY be reading bedtime stories or something. ^^;; When I'm having trouble sleeping I sometimes watch Bob Ross ("Happy Trees") videos, and honestly I think you could have him lapped. Your voice is amazingly soft and relaxing to listen to. I won't put a link to any of your videos here -- that's up to you -- but I think maybe you should to illustrate for others. Just a suggestion. I wish my voice sounded like yours. o.o;

Take care,
~S

Sapphyre said:

Oh yeah... you should TOTALLY be reading bedtime stories or something. ^^;; When I'm having trouble sleeping I sometimes watch Bob Ross ("Happy Trees") videos, and honestly I think you could have him lapped. Your voice is amazingly soft and relaxing to listen to. I won't put a link to any of your videos here -- that's up to you -- but I think maybe you should to illustrate for others. Just a suggestion. I wish my voice sounded like yours. o.o;

Take care,
~S

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(Thinks of happy tree friends) that would definitely put me to sleep lol

Sapphyre said:

Oh yeah... you should TOTALLY be reading bedtime stories or something. ^^;; When I'm having trouble sleeping I sometimes watch Bob Ross ("Happy Trees") videos, and honestly I think you could have him lapped. Your voice is amazingly soft and relaxing to listen to. I won't put a link to any of your videos here -- that's up to you -- but I think maybe you should to illustrate for others. Just a suggestion. I wish my voice sounded like yours. o.o;

Take care,
~S

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Oh ya, I don't particularly mind.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3uZ_R1udhaM