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Thread: Bit of a dilemma

  1. #1

    Default Bit of a dilemma

    OK, so i came in from school today and went straight up to my room to get the bag of 1 used nappy to throw out. i remembered my dad was sayiong he was going to tidy the underside of my bed, and he has found it. He has gone to work away for a week but I am dreading him coming back to shout at me, which I know it will do because he has done it in the past, this is third time this has happened. Last time he threatened me with a therapist.

    The other couple of times I have said I am going to stop, what do I say this time? Im really scared. I would like to just say 'its my life, deal with it!' but I dont know how he would take it.

    I'm revising for GCSE atm and thought to maybe say that they help me relax during revision, but I don't know if that would help either.

    Please can I have some help about this, i'm and

  2. #2

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    Quote Originally Posted by dillan221 View Post
    OK, so i came in from school today and went straight up to my room to get the bag of 1 used nappy to throw out. i remembered my dad was sayiong he was going to tidy the underside of my bed, and he has found it. He has gone to work away for a week but I am dreading him coming back to shout at me, which I know it will do because he has done it in the past, this is third time this has happened. Last time he threatened me with a therapist.

    The other couple of times I have said I am going to stop, what do I say this time? Im really scared. I would like to just say 'its my life, deal with it!' but I dont know how he would take it.

    I'm revising for GCSE atm and thought to maybe say that they help me relax during revision, but I don't know if that would help either.

    Please can I have some help about this, i'm and
    I'm unsure what the dilemma is that you refer to.

    Your father has the ball in his court. Until he comes back in a week, there's nothing you can really do other than worry. I'd not worry, as it won't help you at all.

    All else being equal, he'll likely take it badly; this is not exactly a rehearsed social script that parents have at their disposal. Indeed, I suspect your father knew very well what was under your bed, and was giving you a way out that would involve far less embarrassment for you both.

    Attractive though it may be to toy with "it's my life, deal with it" statements, your father is dealing with it - if my guess is correct - and the next reasonable step will be to invoke an outside professional (therapist) for help explaining actions in your life he does not understand.

    What does your mother say?

  3. #3
    Darkfinn

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    Personally... I'd go to the therapist. Explain the whole deal to him. Diapers as stress relif and etc. You'd be surprised how many people in the psychiatric community have heard of or read about infantilism.

    From my understanding, the DSM IV (which medical personnel use to classify conditions) states that as long as infantilism does not interfere with your daily life they really can't do anything about it. If your grades are good, your behavior is fine, and you are generally hygenic and healthy your infantilism isn't hurting anyone... so there is no reason for a therapist to try and alter the behavior.

  4. #4

    Default

    My mother doesn't know it has been my dad found out everytime. and he doesnt tell her.

    The thing is, I went straight out from school, and got back in, and he has also found and removed unused nappies. I am not a paranoid person but for two seperate locations (the unused were in a place that had never been found out before) to get found out in a day, is a bit suspicious. Is he secretly watching me?

  5. #5

    Default

    If he's not coming back for another whole week, it might be best to call him if you can and admit you've been wearing nappies and you want to talk to him about it. Even if he yells at you it'll probably feel better than dreading him coming back the whole time.

    and yeah, seeing a therapist might be a good idea. they're very unlikely to try to convince you to give up wearing nappies as long as it doesn't have a large negative effect on your life. it'll make your dad happy and i'm positive it'll help you to have someone to tlak to about it as well.

  6. #6
    soren456

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    Quote Originally Posted by Darkfinn View Post
    Personally... I'd go to the therapist. Explain the whole deal to him. Diapers as stress relif and etc. You'd be surprised how many people in the psychiatric community have heard of or read about infantilism.

    From my understanding, the DSM IV (which medical personnel use to classify conditions) states that as long as infantilism does not interfere with your daily life they really can't do anything about it. If your grades are good, your behavior is fine, and you are generally hygenic and healthy your infantilism isn't hurting anyone... so there is no reason for a therapist to try and alter the behavior.
    Definitely agree. If your dad isn't just woofing at you and does actually believe that therapists are credible, then he'll have to listen.

    I know a couple kids sent to therapists (for being gay) who easily got the therapists on their side. The therapists then called the parents off. Very effective.

  7. #7

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Darkfinn View Post
    Personally... I'd go to the therapist. Explain the whole deal to him. Diapers as stress relif and etc. You'd be surprised how many people in the psychiatric community have heard of or read about infantilism.

    From my understanding, the DSM IV (which medical personnel use to classify conditions) states that as long as infantilism does not interfere with your daily life they really can't do anything about it. If your grades are good, your behavior is fine, and you are generally hygenic and healthy your infantilism isn't hurting anyone... so there is no reason for a therapist to try and alter the behavior.
    Thanks for everybodys contributions but I would especially like to reply and answer some of these questions from Darkfinn My Minimum expected grades at GCSE level are in fact all A*. I won't achieve that, however I have taken 3 GCSEs early, English Language (obtaining an A), German (obtaining a B) and Statistics (also obtaining an A) so have been doing well so far, and these were all early entry. I hate getting told off so never misbehave, and my hygene has to be up to scratch as I wear contact lenses and must repeatedly wash my hands and face, and I go in the shower whenever I was my face so...yeh...thanks for your reply, and everyone else

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by dillan221 View Post
    My mother doesn't know it has been my dad found out everytime. and he doesnt tell her.

    The thing is, I went straight out from school, and got back in, and he has also found and removed unused nappies. I am not a paranoid person but for two seperate locations (the unused were in a place that had never been found out before) to get found out in a day, is a bit suspicious. Is he secretly watching me?
    I'm going to start this response by presenting the information you have given, posing a possible side-effect, and then close with a question that may short-cut therapy.
    1. Your father knows and has caught you on each occasion, and I gather that you and he haven't discussed this in great detail. Your father didn't tell your mother of his findings. Now you suspect that your father is keeping close tabs on your activities in this behavior.
    2. The obvious side-effect that strikes me is that there is now a rift in the family. If it is true that your father is keeping information from your mother, it gives me pause to wonder after him. It would be stressful for your father to handle either of these scenarios (keeping something from a spouse whom you love; not having a clear insight into what your child is doing and what causes him to behave this way) and I suspect [your/family] therapy would help him resolve this just as much as it would help you sift through your own feelings.
    3. Would it be possible to sit down with your mother this week, and have the two of you talk things through with your father when he returns?


    Bear in mind that #3 is not something I'd have been able to do around your age. It is the best solution, I think, as it would allow you to hopefully have an open and above-board conversation as a family. Also, if you address it correctly - "Mom, dad. I think you two should really know something. I'm wearing diapers because _________, and it doesn't mean that you've done anything wrong. Dad suggested counseling, and I think it'd be a good idea to explore my feelings about ______________." - then you can help the family unit as a whole.

    I suggested talking with your mother first as your father is "used" to the idea by now. He doesn't understand it, but he sees the outcome. If I were him, I would find it much easier to deal with if my wife called me and said, "junior just had a strange talk with me. Apparently he wears diapers from time to time because _________________." Don't bring up that he knows, just let the two of them hash it out in private for a bit and try to sort out how to proceed.

    They'll likely send you to a therapist. Oddly enough, I think that I'd do the same with my child if s/he was wearing diapers. Not as a punitive measure, but I'd want to give them an environment completely outside the home to talk about things that may be bothering them. Or to just shoot the breeze with an adult outside of the family unit. Either way, surprising though it may seem (to myself also), I think I'd go down that avenue with my own child. Hence, you're likely going to get a (few) therapy session(s).

    Crap, I've done the "wall of text" thing again; sorry. I'll bold the really important bits that you can skim over.

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