Do I need a caregiver?

Some days I can't function as an adult, on those days I end up not changing myself, not making sure I drink enough and I don't clean up.

I had a bad day today and the adult world suddenly felt too much for me, so I just played kiddie games on my iPad and didn't even relised I needed changing and only had 2 drinks today!

I ended up crying and hugging my pillow after I relised I wasn't looking after myself like I usually can! It's like I regressed deeply into young age because I was stressed. I badly want somebody to care for me but 70% of the time I can do it myself, also I find when I get like that, for example I want my paci, but instead of getting it sometimes my brain doesn't register so I end up sitting there waiting for it, like I was waiting for somebody to get me a drink even though I didn't say I wanted one. You know how mommies and daddies get you one when you are little.

Now I do not expect my dad or his girlfriend to change me, give me a sippie or paci or play with me nor do I want that, but if only I had a caregiver that could remind me to get a drink for when I am deeply in little space. Most of the time in little space i can just fill up my sippie, but I am not sure if I am fully little and i don,t expect myself to get one because I feel at that moment that i am truest a toddler. I would not normally want everybody doing everything for me as I would feel lazy and that I was a burden.

This is how it happened, I was chatting to my dad who made me lunch, we were talking about my mom who had died from pneumonia in hospital and how it was a year that she was admitted as she had died in July time. I said to my dad that I didn,t want to keep going over the past and I wanted badly to move on but I had my mind how she was my mother and I grew up with her and how I was in her womb for nine months so she would of been the first person I knew because she's was carrying me for nine months before anybody else got to carry me as a baby.

Anyway enough of that! Dad asked me to wash the pots and help him, fo rsome reason I really didn,t what to do but I did it anyway, I think I was stressed out from talking about mom as this was after lunch. So after we were done I retreated to my room and watched Simpsons an der rugrats and i got a call from my nana, so I talked about me volunteering at a charity shop and afterwards I just played games on my iPad, time passed and i needed a drink and a snack but I half expected somebody to get me one as i must of regressed to a big degree, after dad asked me to look after the dog so I did and wet my diaper only to find I leaked! I did NOT relise I needed changing at all so I started crying and changed and hugged my pillow and felt much better.

I had a few moments like that before and I am not sure what my triggers are but it's hard work and inconvient when you have I caregiver who understands, no I feel lazy!

Please don,t flame me for posting this or say it's BS because it's not! I wouldn't,t post anything that was BS! Anybody experience this or I am tapped out in the head?

An ABDL caregiver is not a substitute for a competent, informed mental health professional. You have some significant issues you need addressed and I hope you'll do so for your own future happiness. There's no judgment or blame in saying this. You just need some real help that gets to the meat of what is troubling you.

Well, it's obvious then ,isn't it, I am still grieving about my mom!

Angelic said:

Well, it's obvious then ,isn't it, I am still grieving about my mom!

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I wouldn't be at all surprised. That's a major blow and it takes time to come to grips with. Whether that's your only major concern is why you need some more objective and involved help.

It will take time! It's only been 5-6 months!

You'll get through it. Things will improve for you and those stressful moments will fall away into nothing. Stay strong!

I think you need to see a mental health professional. Throwing tantrums and acting like a baby isn't going to do you any good. I'm sorry to be blunt but I really think you should consider Therapy. Grieving or not, you need help. I don't mean this in any mean or rude way, I just really think it would do you some good to see someone about your behavior.

I agree with snow. Little space might help overcome things a bit, but you need, too, a therapist to help you in a professional way.
You don't have a caregiver and I wouldn't agree immediately to one, since it relies so much on trust. A caregiver isn't a therapist either. It's a deep mental thing that needs to be dug out by a professional.

I don't need flipping therapy! It's not like I do it in fron't of people, I do that in the privacy of my own room! It's just how I distress, are you meaning that everybody that need some to let off steam and anger or has little space needs immediate mental professional help?!

Get your priorities in order! The worst that can happen Is that I leak and get a bit thirsty for a few hours, IN MY OWN TIME!!

To put a bit more information into to this about about my adult life, i am tommorow going to be at my voluntary charity shop work, if I carry this on I can get an NVC qualification in retail and my plan is to once I sorted out my resume is to get into retail as a proper job and believe it or not, I am looking forward to this!!

So you needn't be worried, I am not letting this get out of hand!

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Besides it doesn't happen everyday, it happens like once or twice a month! Everybody get stressed, I am just dealing with mine in a different way!

First let me say you can set recurring alarms on your iPad to remind you to do things, second a caregiver is very expensive to the tune of $25+ hour ( American) , third if you talked to a Psychiatrist about your self neglect and need to regress into little space , you would be considered a sick person who required hospitalization in order for your someone to ensure you eat drink sleep and use the toilet , and would then be discharged most likely to a half way house to ensure you got a job and stabilized and was capable of normal ADL'S , you may in fact have some dysfunctional grieving going on , but mostly from the way your posts are going there is no boundary between being an adult and having responsibility, and your constant over whelming need to play a child and be cared for , this is not reality or in any way healthy or "normal" it is borderline delusional psychosis , you want your life and body to represent a child when it can't and won't because you have grown up physically but emotionally and developmentally there has been no maturity happening .

You definitely would benefit from a therapist ,before a collision with reality on a grand scale happens and you are involuntarily hospitalized for stabilization, unfortunately because your emotional self has not grown this will be a long term lockup to teach you the things you don't have a grasp on, so in one way you will gain a caregiver to tell you when to sleep wake take your meds , shower put on new ward clothes , and occasionally watch TV between therapy sessions , there will be no doting or diapers or playing with toys , temper tantrums will result in you being placed in seclusion until you can get control of yourself .

So honestly voluntarily get some help with this before a cataclysmic event occurs and outs you to everybody , it's one thing to have a little space and a diaper fetish , it's totally different to be Holdon Caufield from "the catcher in the rye" you are decompensating and it going to continue until you get some help or your dad or another family member makes you get help .

You have to learn boundaries and appropriate behaviour of adults, in order to survive , little space and diapers are an alternate lifestyle practiced as time and scheduling permit , your primary lifestyle is as an adult , but you have no defined barriers and from the sounds of your posts it is starting to be noticed by others and is getting noticed but written off currently as growing pains or eccentric personality , however if this keeps up it will start sounding an alarm and someone will force the issue and a nasty confrontation will occur, you are currently not in position to work and support yourself independent of your dad , and even if you were the actual responsibility would cause you to melt down sooner .

The biggest barrier you face is denial coupled with the lack of insight jnto ones self , as demonstrated in your above comment " I don't need flipping therapy" , it's those people who can't detect that they are sick that have the worst prognosis .

This not a personal attack , this is years working with and being around disturbed people,
What you do have going in your favor is some may put blame on your being on the spectrum and not picking up on "normal" social cues, and just thinking it's related to that, but that will only get you so much leverage and peace because sooner or later someone is also going to to see thru this as a smoke screen , so honestly get some help with your issues before somebody does it for you and not in away you would like or appreciate.

Good luck in making your choice

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Shut the hell up, this only happens occasionally for a couple of hours at a time, i can look after myself I am however going to put alarms on my phone to make sure I do things like that, I am not being Stern enough to myself yet, I am NOT dislusional, I KNOW I am an adult, I am NOT going o go into little space at WORK! I have plans for the future, you are making absolute NO sense!

If you are making out I need locking up, sorry but you have another thing coming! I am looking after myself well but just sometimes for a few hours when I had a bad day, I Regress and come out of it after an hour or two!

When I am by myself I can cope well, I wish you could see me sometimes, yes I am an adult, I do chores, I masturbate, I talk to adults about adult subjects, I go to work, I work hard, I make myself meals, I think like an adult most of the time actually.


I am not actually making my adult side clear enough on these forums, so there you have it, stop trying to scare me into getting admitted into hospital that I don't need! I have to confess I only put my little side onto these forums so you don't see both sides of me, I am not a crazy person who thinks she is a baby, I actually got to accept my body for th way it is now and I now like my body, I have developed I just havn't written it down on these forums yet!

Yes when I move out I am going to get a stable job, I am going to get diapers, I am going to get friends, I may even get a nursery in my house or flat when I get enough money, I know I am NOT a actual baby! I am going to retail instead of childcare so I have chance to be a adult!

When I write things like this, I am stressed and Believe it or not, I am NOT stressed all the time, I just need to get myself out there and I accept my responsibility, I just havn't been around adults lately and it has slightly distorted my view on life temporarelly, I understand this and therefore I am working on my resume with my grandparents whilst volunteering, which I am looking forward to and when I get back if I WANT to, I can play toys if I want! You are NOT listening to me and I feel you continue to think this about me and accuse me of being crazy again, I am afraid I won't be here in this forum anymore, I will find something else and start over, because I can tell you I am absolutely fine and I won't put up with you thinking I am crazy for much longer!

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Are you trying to say that every little out there is crazy and dislusional, you are costing my reputation by saying I am crazy an dpreventing me from making friends and nobody wants to talk to me anymore

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It's a shame you think that about me but I can determine if I am crazy enough by myself and my dad nor his girlfriend think I am going mad, they are proud of me! For getting a step on the career ladder!

If this is the case, then goodbye!

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Besides I don't really need this forum anymore!

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Well I be damned if I end up in an Phychriatic hospital but it's a risk worth making!

hey angelic, I'm sorry you are having a stressful time after posting to vent/question.

I agree with you, that what you do in your own time is your own business, particularly if that is not harming anyone else. as you yourself have said, crying and noticing that you are leaking is not really that big of a deal at the end of the day.

It seems like you are a little offended by the series of posts suggesting that you need help, or that you may be going through something at the moment. (as you said, your mother passing.)


I am going to try and play the medium here.


Basically, while your behavior and your outlets for stress are your business, there are plenty of other more harmful things out there.

The Issues, that therapy is intended to help with, is not to correct this behavior or change it.

It is to address extreme swings of mood that surprise you, (as you have admitted too), as well as helping you to be more comfortable when you need to be out of little space.

The advantages to considering therapy can lead to you sleeping better, worrying less, improved memory, and improved self care.

I honestly, truly, 100% feel this is something you should look into.

The difference is someone who regresses because they want too, because it is a stress reliever, but still ultimately has control over their situation

and

Someone who trigger regresses, is at the mercies of their desires and feels lost when unable to trigger regress, when the situation does not allow it. I.E. in public, around family.


Therapy does not make you a nutter.

Aside from your mother departing in july, I wonder what other thoughts cause you anxiety after thinking about them?
Therapy will allow you to gain mastery over your anxieties so that you rule them, and not vice versa.


anyway that's what i've got to say. I hope I did not come across as insulting

You are not insulting me mommy and mattling, I am still going to therapy but not regarding little space, it's over social anxiety. I just think now that everybody think ill of me, i don't really want to be part of this site anymore.

I dont believe anyone thinks ill of you, to be honest I have always felt people very much appreciated some of the fun topics you have posted.

It is not easy to take the risk of posting your problems online, its easy to feel exposed and judged. especially with comments other's send from the safety of their home.


However, I truly believe everyone who posted a reply to this thread is only trying to give you advice they wished they had received at earlier times in their own lives. they want to help you not drag you down.


You dont have to go to therapy for Little Space. After you find someone you enjoy talking too, who you trust, you may find eventually that you want to share this side of you with them

Thanks for the only sane comment on this thread! I think I need to stop using this forum as an emotional crutch and work things out for myself!

I agree, but only in the sense of using people on the internet as your emotional crutch.

I think working things out for yourself is fine and dandy, but it should not be the rule of thumb. the biggest mistake people make in life, is not asking for help when they need it.

addressing your initial question of "Do I need a caregiver?"


I think that you owe it to yourself, as well as your future caregiver (assuming this happens), to not NEED someone else for an emotional crutch. Putting that level of neediness into a relationship can be very taxing unless you and your caregiver are able to function without the other as well.

essentially, as long as you feel you NEED one to work things out for you, you should not have one.

If you feel you dont NEED one, but WANT one, it may be time to develop relationships with possible caregivers.


(my view on the situation, its entirely possible I have missed the mark)


Sorry if I explained that poorly =\ hope you feel better soon, and please dont disappear from the forums entirely. even if you feel the need to take a step back in the now

I don't understand why mental health gets so much negativity associated with it, when it's important as any bit of health. People are simply saying you may want to seek out extra assistance during times that are tough, we are automatically biased and cannot diagnose ourselves. If there is a problem and we're afraid of what it means, we will pretend it doesn't exist - an outside perspective without bias can give you an honest opinion.

You lashed out. That's a very clear sign that you're overly defensive and that you sought out only a very limited range of responses - this is, however, a public board. And with public posts, you get a range of different response. If you dislike what you hear, maybe you should ask these questions amongst friends and receive possibly biased responses? Because, again, the lashing out makes people less likely to speak honestly.

In short, take a breather. No one is insulting you. They're just offering legitimat advice.

Therapy isn't a sign of weakness or anything. Sometimes it can be good to get a professional mental health doctors opinion on something. I'd be lying though if I said your behavior in some threads on the forum isn't worrisome. I'd definitially consult with a mental health professional, not because I think you're ill, because mental health people can sometimes give insight. Make sure your therapist is open about this kind of thing and isn't uncomfortable with it. Most therapists will be willing to talk with you about some things that you may not be certain about or that are causing you emotional distress. They can give you better ways to cope with it, and ultimately you'll live a bit healthier. Bottling emotions up isn't the thing to do it can only hurt you, and your therapist is one of the few places you can be brutally honest about this sort of thing, they can't tell anyone unless they feel you're a danger to yourself or someone else, which you're not as far as I can tell. Doctor Patient Confidentiality. Plus holding feelings about something like this can CAUSE anxiety. I know, I've been there. I told my mom about this a little bit because it was causing me so much anxiety holding it in and hiding it. At least now that my Mother knows I won't have anxiety about worrying if someone finds my stuff or me in a compromising position. Of course your results may vary but your therapist is probably the best person to give you sound advice on how to deal with your family members in relation to this. After all you'd probably talk at least a little bit about them in sessions, so they'd have a little bit of an idea of what to say to you. I hope this helps. And I hope I've not been offensive. Just remember, talking to a therapist does not mean you're ill or sick. Therapists can often be a sturdy anchor of support you can lean on when you're uncertain. I strongly recommend talking to one about these things if you're uncertain or having anxiety about it, so on and so forth. You need to realize that harboring all of these negative feelings around something you enjoy only clouds the enjoyment you get out of it and causes more stress in the long run.

I think you need to calm down, take a few steps back and think rationally about this.

SnowBlitz said:

Despite claiming you don't need any kind of Therapy you are throwing a tantrum on the forums. All because people are giving you advice. Grow up. If you didn't want anyone's advice then you shouldn't have made a post asking for it. Therapy doesn't imply you're going to be institutionalized that's insulting to anyone who's going through it.

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Calm down, hun. She's going through a difficult time, obviously, and what you're saying isn't going to help. I realize you feel insulted, but I think the "high road" is just to take it in stride.