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Thread: Interfacing with parents

  1. #11

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    Sapphyre, you and I have done a number of messages back and forth. Honestly, I can see your views on people, and I hope that some of the rest of us are able to temper that a bit. It's hard to not take the view that everyone is going to hurt you or screw you over when that's the only experience you've had in your life. Spend multiple decades getting beat down by those who are supposed to love and care for you, and you think that everyone is that way.

    I think a lot of what goes on with several people on here is that we realize we are human, we do have our own views on the world, and our own experiences. Those people who see that are willing to give you the benefit of the doubt, and see past what you might consider 'mean'. You'll probably be truly surprised when you realize that you're really not doing any damage with us, that we'll still accept you and want you as a friend.

  2. #12
    MarchinBunny

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    Quote Originally Posted by AnalogRTO View Post
    You'll probably be truly surprised when you realize that you're really not doing any damage with us, that we'll still accept you and want you as a friend.
    I would like to beg to differ at least to a small degree. Not everyone understands that. I have had someone put me on their ignore list specifically because they considered what I said as offensive even though it was not meant to be. A TC member none the less and someone who I liked and wanted to be friends with, which to me makes it worse. I can't mention who cause obviously that would be against the rules, but quite frankly ... no ... not everyone here is as understanding as you might think. They didn't even reach out to me to even try and understand which hurt greatly. They just ignored me and that was that. Couldn't even defend myself. Heck, I sent a pm apologizing that I was just trying to clarify on what they meant ... but considering they ignored me I doubt they ever got it.

    Then again, who knows ... maybe it's just me. I suppose I come off as that bad of a person. *shrugs*
    Maybe everything I say is just automatically viewed as me trying to be mean or something. I really do wish I would be given the benefit of the doubt, but clearly, I wasn't.

    Then on top of that, I have such difficulty letting things like this go. It bothers me so much every day, it's pretty ridiculous. It drives me nuts and really frustrates me to the point that I do pretty stupid stuff. I am so mentally broken I can't even function right when someone I liked decides to put me on their ignore list. It gets to the point where I feel like I don't want to trust anyone because for all I know they will just turn their back on me when I least expect it.

    Now hopefully, this post doesn't get deleted for mentioning it ... >.> but this experience is kinda related to what you just said so it's probably fine, so figured I would put my 2 cents in.

  3. #13

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    Quote Originally Posted by MarchinBunny View Post
    I would like to beg to differ at least to a small degree. Not everyone understands that. I have had someone put me on their ignore list specifically because they considered what I said as offensive even though it was not meant to be. A TC member none the less and someone who I liked and wanted to be friends with, which to me makes it worse. I can't mention who cause obviously that would be against the rules, but quite frankly ... no ... not everyone here is as understanding as you might think. They didn't even reach out to me to even try and understand which hurt greatly. They just ignored me and that was that. Couldn't even defend myself. Heck, I sent a pm apologizing that I was just trying to clarify on what they meant ... but considering they ignored me I doubt they ever got it.

    Then again, who knows ... maybe it's just me. I suppose I come off as that bad of a person. *shrugs*
    Maybe everything I say is just automatically viewed as me trying to be mean or something. I really do wish I would be given the benefit of the doubt, but clearly, I wasn't.

    Then on top of that, I have such difficulty letting things like this go. It bothers me so much every day, it's pretty ridiculous. It drives me nuts and really frustrates me to the point that I do pretty stupid stuff. I am so mentally broken I can't even function right when someone I liked decides to put me on their ignore list. It gets to the point where I feel like I don't want to trust anyone because for all I know they will just turn their back on me when I least expect it.

    Now hopefully, this post doesn't get deleted for mentioning it ... >.> but this experience is kinda related to what you just said so it's probably fine, so figured I would put my 2 cents in.
    This happened with me in person before. I've mentioned him in other posts, his name was Ken, and he was my room mate during freshman year of college. I had a secret crush on him, but I could tell he wouldn't have been interested, so I kept it secret and just wanted to be friends. And for awhile, we were. He later rejected my friendship in a way that I couldn't understand, it just didn't make any sense to me, and I honestly never got over it. I ended up pestering him recently, some 15 years after it all happened, because I'm still not over it. Fortunately, the pestering has gone rather well, and I understand what was happening now.

    I don't know that I have any useful advice, necessarily. I'm also not entirely sure what "stupid stuff" you tend to get up to when feeling this way, but I'm hoping it's nothing self-destructive. *hugs*

    - - - Updated - - -



    Quote Originally Posted by AnalogRTO View Post
    Sapphyre, you and I have done a number of messages back and forth. Honestly, I can see your views on people, and I hope that some of the rest of us are able to temper that a bit. It's hard to not take the view that everyone is going to hurt you or screw you over when that's the only experience you've had in your life. Spend multiple decades getting beat down by those who are supposed to love and care for you, and you think that everyone is that way.

    I think a lot of what goes on with several people on here is that we realize we are human, we do have our own views on the world, and our own experiences. Those people who see that are willing to give you the benefit of the doubt, and see past what you might consider 'mean'. You'll probably be truly surprised when you realize that you're really not doing any damage with us, that we'll still accept you and want you as a friend.
    Thanks, hon. ^^;; I do tend to see people that way, and the view has been reinforced by recent events as well.

    I can't go into a lot of detail, but I recently lost an EEO case for discrimination over a medical condition (IBS). As an example, my supervisor would apparently write "diarrhea" on the In/Out board when I called in late with IBS issues. The decision came down to this: I established that I was harassed (I had witnesses who provided sworn testimony), and that it was over a protected category, namely disability. As it turns out, that's OK. You can do that all you like, and break the law while you're at it... nobody cares. It doesn't become a problem unless it can be proven that IBS is the *reason* for the harassment, and not merely something being used just because maybe the person just doesn't like you. So you'll need the Psychic Friends Network to get anywhere, because you need to prove intent. Harassment, by itself, is not illegal. One lesson learned the hard way...

  4. #14

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    Quote Originally Posted by MarchinBunny View Post
    I would like to beg to differ at least to a small degree. Not everyone understands that. I have had someone put me on their ignore list specifically because they considered what I said as offensive even though it was not meant to be. A TC member none the less and someone who I liked and wanted to be friends with, which to me makes it worse. I can't mention who cause obviously that would be against the rules, but quite frankly ... no ... not everyone here is as understanding as you might think. They didn't even reach out to me to even try and understand which hurt greatly. They just ignored me and that was that. Couldn't even defend myself. Heck, I sent a pm apologizing that I was just trying to clarify on what they meant ... but considering they ignored me I doubt they ever got it.

    Then again, who knows ... maybe it's just me. I suppose I come off as that bad of a person. *shrugs*
    Maybe everything I say is just automatically viewed as me trying to be mean or something. I really do wish I would be given the benefit of the doubt, but clearly, I wasn't.

    Then on top of that, I have such difficulty letting things like this go. It bothers me so much every day, it's pretty ridiculous. It drives me nuts and really frustrates me to the point that I do pretty stupid stuff. I am so mentally broken I can't even function right when someone I liked decides to put me on their ignore list. It gets to the point where I feel like I don't want to trust anyone because for all I know they will just turn their back on me when I least expect it.

    Now hopefully, this post doesn't get deleted for mentioning it ... >.> but this experience is kinda related to what you just said so it's probably fine, so figured I would put my 2 cents in.
    MarchinBunny, I wasn't trying to speak for everyone on the site. There will always be people in this world who get their panties in a bunch (or diapers in a bunch) no matter what you say or do to try and appease them. I had an interaction on here with someone who called me a liar over and over when I claimed to be working in the career I'm in, solely based on something they remember from a post 'some time back', and one I supposedly got deleted from the site (tell me how that happened).

    In the end, I gave up on that one person. Nothing I could do or say would change their thinking that they held the ultimate truth in this world. However, I've not given up on everyone else. I've had to do this in real life as well, of all things with my own mother. I've been fortunate that I've found other people in this world who don't want to control me or hurt me like she did, so I have some faith that there are good people out there in this world.



    Quote Originally Posted by Sapphyre View Post
    Thanks, hon. ^^;; I do tend to see people that way, and the view has been reinforced by recent events as well.

    I can't go into a lot of detail, but I recently lost an EEO case for discrimination over a medical condition (IBS). As an example, my supervisor would apparently write "diarrhea" on the In/Out board when I called in late with IBS issues. The decision came down to this: I established that I was harassed (I had witnesses who provided sworn testimony), and that it was over a protected category, namely disability. As it turns out, that's OK. You can do that all you like, and break the law while you're at it... nobody cares. It doesn't become a problem unless it can be proven that IBS is the *reason* for the harassment, and not merely something being used just because maybe the person just doesn't like you. So you'll need the Psychic Friends Network to get anywhere, because you need to prove intent. Harassment, by itself, is not illegal. One lesson learned the hard way...
    Yeah, unfortunately the legal system really can be messed up sometimes. I came close to quitting the job I currently hold because my previous supervisor talked to a couple people he met at a party who were doctors about my medical conditions, and came to the conclusion that with the pain medication I was on I was a junkie. Talk about making for a hostile work environment. Fortunately, the higher-ups in the company had open door policies and while they downplayed the incident directly with me, it was only a few months later that my supervisor took a 'suggested' early retirement.

    Even with all that, just the word of thanks that you have put forward makes me glad to be your friend on here. There are some people in this world who are always rainbows and sunshine, but not everyone is that way and some of us see the world from a different perspective. I don't want to just be friends with 'rainbows and sunshine', that's boring as hell.

  5. #15

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    Quote Originally Posted by AnalogRTO View Post
    MarchinBunny, I wasn't trying to speak for everyone on the site. There will always be people in this world who get their panties in a bunch (or diapers in a bunch) no matter what you say or do to try and appease them. I had an interaction on here with someone who called me a liar over and over when I claimed to be working in the career I'm in, solely based on something they remember from a post 'some time back', and one I supposedly got deleted from the site (tell me how that happened).

    In the end, I gave up on that one person. Nothing I could do or say would change their thinking that they held the ultimate truth in this world. However, I've not given up on everyone else. I've had to do this in real life as well, of all things with my own mother. I've been fortunate that I've found other people in this world who don't want to control me or hurt me like she did, so I have some faith that there are good people out there in this world.


    Yeah, unfortunately the legal system really can be messed up sometimes. I came close to quitting the job I currently hold because my previous supervisor talked to a couple people he met at a party who were doctors about my medical conditions, and came to the conclusion that with the pain medication I was on I was a junkie. Talk about making for a hostile work environment. Fortunately, the higher-ups in the company had open door policies and while they downplayed the incident directly with me, it was only a few months later that my supervisor took a 'suggested' early retirement.

    Even with all that, just the word of thanks that you have put forward makes me glad to be your friend on here. There are some people in this world who are always rainbows and sunshine, but not everyone is that way and some of us see the world from a different perspective. I don't want to just be friends with 'rainbows and sunshine', that's boring as hell.
    Well I won't bore you anyway... ^^;;

    My former supervisor actually distributed rumors about me. Her tack was "People are asking questions about whether or not Sapphyre has a real problem, what do you think?" But she was nothing but rainbows and sunshine to my face. She was only trying to help me, after all...

    I'm just stunned that treating people this way is officially acceptable.

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