Incontinence questions, ask away

Hi! I'm mia, I recently posted a thread for people to ask questions and give advice on anything diaper or incontinence related, I want to share it with everyone else and not only in the incontinence sub-forum, i'm not really sure of how to move threads if that's possible so sorry if this is a little inefficient.

I deal with urinary and bowel incontinence 24/7. It started at a very young age and I've been dealing with it nearly all my life. Currently attending college. I've just joined adisc and have been actively posting. Ever since I was labeled as incontinent I never really had anyone who had the same issues to talk with or get advice from. This post is for the forum. Ask any question you feel that can help you and I'll try my best to answer and give my opinions/advice. I hope this can be productive and supportive for me and the forum.

I seem to be the only one asking questions so far. Hope you don't mind if I ask you some more.

What does it feel like, physically, to be totally incontinent? Do you ever experience the need to pee or the discomfort of a full bladder? Does it ever spasm painfully? Or is it just something that you're never aware of, that you only notice when your diaper starts to fill up? I've always wondered what it would be like.

Dealing with bowel incontinence must be challenging too. Do you ever notice when you're going? How many diapers do you go through on a daily basis and how do you handle the cleanup? I don't often use my diaper for that because it gets so messy and can be a real hassle afterwards, especially if you can't take a shower right away. Do you have to bag the used diapers and dispose of them outside of the house afterwards so they don't continue to stink things up? Or do you try to empty the contents of the diaper into a toilet and take it out with the regular trash? Sorry if that was too graphic. I'm just curious about how you deal with these things 24/7. Maybe you can give us some tips.

Yeah maybe it's too early in the morning, I was just finished preparing a presentation which I should have done some time ago.

I don't feel going for bm's or urine. But I do feel the bm fill the diaper. I have around 4 bm's during the day, but the times are very inconsistent. I take around 6 diapers if I'm going to college. I guess when my bladder or bowel is full since the gates are virtually open they just empty all the way, I don't feel any discomfort as such. When I'm at college I can clean up and change in the handicap toilet, it's much cleaner than the ladies room since only a few people use it. I always empty the "stuff" in the diaper to the toilet, even at home, I think putting it in the trash is terrible.... And I use wipes and paper towels to clean thoroughly. I've mentioned that people expect girls to be clean and smell nice, I do most of the time cause I'm kind of a clean freak, I have to be, and I manage to avoid rashes. Unless I have a bm I always smell nice I think some people have a misconception that people with diapers are dirty and smelly.
Though I make cleaning up sound straight forward it's really difficult, I think that a colostomy is easier, maybe when I'm too old for changing acrobatics a colostomy would be useful. There are times where there's no place to change like when I'm going home on the bus and I have a bm, and I have to sit and walk around in it, it really depresses me sometimes. And if I'm seated the bm spreads more and makes the clean up really difficult later on, this happens when I'm on flights and cleaning up when I'm at the airport is really hard too, anytime I'm seated is not good for bm clean ups.
At my apartment the bathroom has a bidet shower so that makes cleaning up easier.
In addition to the day I usually have one bm every night, I don't wake up for it at all so I wake up in the morning to a bm filled pee soaked diaper, sometimes I wake up with what seems like two bm's and the diaper is just soo damn full, so mornings are the hardest times.
Tips... if you've had a bm while standing don't sit down, if you have bm's at night don't sleep facing down to avoid urinary tract infections no need to explain how..... Ugh.... though I don't know that might be just for females. I also don't recommend doing this for fun either, it's really bad on your skin and the clean up can really gross you out, I've been dealing with this my entire 18 year life and it still manages to gross me out. Get a separat trash can for the diapers. Always wear plastic pants for bowel incontinence,
Also I don't recommend staying in a full diaper if you have the opportunity to change,
If you are a girl and incontinent at night make sure you have a snug fit up front, get a booster so that it hugs your body other wise leaking can happen if your on your side and it flows along your skin. For guys I'm sorry I don't have an alternative tip on that.
Though that makes me curious, how do guys who are incontinent deal with it? Especially if your in your teen years other guys are so judgemental and I think bullying can be more.. I don't know, I'm just speculating.
Also I haven't tried a lot of diapers but as I have really heavy incontinence I definitely recommend abena m4's, they do pretty okay for me which is saying a lot. I'm going to try something called Abu simple when I get them in a few days as someone recommended it.

Interesting and thanks for sharing with us. I have always wondered what it must be like.

I have a friend that was born with spina bifida and suffered nerve damage when they did the repair surgery when he was a baby. He could control his urinary but not his bowel. He has a bag fitted these days to make it easy for him, but he said as a child he would always need to visit the nurse to help induce a movement because his muscles just didnt do their job because of the nerve damage. So it seems that different people are effected in different ways I guess.

How do you normally handle situations such as going swimming? Or to the beach, a waterpark or hot and sunny vacation like stuff?

anna s, I actually have a relative with spina befida, but it affected her legs, she uses leg braces and crutches to get around but I think her plumbing is fine.
I actually went swimming for the first time a few days ago, someone in this forum suggested a combination of diapers to contain my bm's they showed quite a bit under my swimsuit butit worked really well, I enjoyed learning to swim until I had anaccident ....., had to go and change immediately.
The pool time was for handicapped so they allowed swim diapers and nobody there was there to judge,
sunny, summer, hot are the worst, and diaper rash is more likely to happen so I don't go out when it's hot, but usually it's not that hot where I'm at.
I've gone to the beach a few times but just strolls on the beach.
Other than that only accidents and cleaning up are challenging. Dealing with peoples Stares and remarks are easy for me now

miapeters said:

sunny, summer, hot are the worst... but usually it's not that hot where I'm at.

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You're a little lucky, has to be better than here during summers.
I live in Southern Nevada, the summers are absolutely horrid and make needing diapers so much more difficult.
And the rashes, oh my the rashes. It does happen more frequently during the summer. The heat and sweat coupled with mess and urine, it makes life a bit of a pain.
Only option during the summers here for me is to just huddle inside with the A/C blasting, until it either rains or fall arrives

Jonnythepony I'm sorry you have to experience that, I've had very few rashes and it's definitely not fun. Have you tried any creams which might work better than others? You have any tips on dealing with rashes
And if you don't mind me asking how did you socially deal with wearing diapers, or rather how did your peers treat you? Just curious

miapeters said:

Have you tried any creams which might work better than others? You have any tips on dealing with rashes
And if you don't mind me asking how did you socially deal with wearing diapers, or rather how did your peers treat you? Just curious

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Sorry, forgot to ask the question.

What does your current changing kit/diaper bag consist of? What kind of supplies do you use and what does your kit/bag look like?
I use a tan tactical backpack with lots of pockets and such. Plus webbing on the outside so I can attach more pouches if needed.

And I just use the usual heavy zinc barrier creams to attempt to prevent as best as I can. If I end up with a rash, Ive tried a few different ointments, but I just like the A&D ointment. The rash is gonna be there and the A&D ointment seems to sooth it for me slightly better than others. Change often and stay clean. When showering, if it burns, regular conditioner(I use mane n' tail) will sooth the burning while you finish bathing. Dunno why it works, but it works for me.

How I dealt with it socially? My incontinence came when I was in high school, which was an online school thank goodness. So only occasional visits to the main school offices, and it was very laid back and easy to manage if I needed to change there, really nice bathrooms. No one noticed except one teacher, and she was very understanding and kept silent about it. If she didn't I would have known, other teachers would have asked about it. Though I think some others did wonder why sometimes I made hasty exits
There's not many others outside my closest family and friends, I've managed to keep it on the down low surprisingly well over the last few years.
I'm quiet and shy when out and about. I can't social too good.

I just take it in a normal bag, diapers, an extra plastic pant, wipes,a toilet paper roll, and few pairs of gloves (might sound ridiculous but I feel like that's reasonable) I take hand sanitizer if I don't have gloves, a few large ziplock bags if I can't find a place to dispose of the diaper and barrier cream, and most important perfume , not that I smell but the smell sometimes stays on your clothes. I then leave it at the student health center.

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I was curious cause people make it seem as if boys can be really nasty sometimes, when I was in smaller grades it was only some boys who made it hard wearing diapers to school.
I can relate with the quiet and shy very much, my mom used to think I had a problem , but after a few years of school i had to find someone to have a conversation with, glad i did

miapeters said:

I just take it in a normal bag, diapers, an extra plastic pant, wipes,a toilet paper roll, and few pairs of gloves (might sound ridiculous but I feel like that's reasonable) I take hand sanitizer if I don't have gloves, a few large ziplock bags if I can't find a place to dispose of the diaper and barrier cream, and most important perfume , not that I smell but the smell sometimes stays on your clothes. I then leave it at the student health center.

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I carry just about the same stuff, No TP though just plenty of wipes. Also instead of the regular Ziplocs, I use the Ziplocs that my wipes come in(all white and thicker plastic), and I also use all black plastic shopping bags if they swell too much and don't fit the Ziplocs.
Baby powder as well, Calming Lavender & Chamomile scent.
I also pack some boosters and a few pairs of my old underwear as well. I use my old underwear to help catch leaks between the diaper and the diaper cover.
It's happened many times, I go to change and there's a puddle inside the diaper cover and it sorta spills sometimes, not fun, so I started using my old underwear over the diaper, under the diaper cover, to catch minor leaks and stop the puddles inside the cover.

Don't worry, gloves are perfectly reasonable ^u^
I actually recommended that gloves be with any changing kit.
Heavier barrier creams don't wipe off too easy from the hands, the gloves make the process so much easier.

Jonnythepony
What diapers do you use? I hardly ever leak, I almost always change only after a bm. Maybe my bm's are frequent enough to avoid urine leaks, cause I hardly ever feel when I have a wetting accident.

miapeters said:

Jonnythepony
What diapers do you use? I hardly ever leak, I almost always change only after a bm. Maybe my bm's are frequent enough to avoid urine leaks, cause I hardly ever feel when I have a wetting accident.

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Well, for the last few years Abena M4 with boosters(Abri-let over Quadro combo is still awesome with the M4) were my go-to diaper.
Leaks didn't happen often, but they did and still do sometimes.

But after trying the Simples, I'm giving those a real proper run to see if its more efficient to just get the Simples instead of the Abena M4 plus all the boosters and such.
I still sorta prefer the fit to the Abenas much better than the Simples, I dunno why but the Abenas just hug me right, even better around the legs.
It's just the quality drop with Abena over the last few years(Tapes tear off, pinhole leaks, fluff clumping up) I wanted to see if I could swap it up a bit.

So far, the Simples are doing good work, sizing is not like the M4 though. Had to step up to large.A little big, but the absorbency and material amount stepped up as well ^u^

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Also, for a quicker way to alert me to your replies, use the "Reply with quote" button under the message the person wrote you want to alert, like I've been doing with you.
This way I don't miss any replies to easy and I see it when I log on.

I'm planning on trying those when I get them, it'll be more helpful in the night, sometimes even with boosters abena's leak, not even because it can't contain it, it's just soaked. And having a bm with that every night is terrible, in the morning when I wake up it just feels horrible, need something to deal with all the wettings at night, and I can't physically stuff so many boosters in there it doesn't absorb properly.
Ive said before that cleaning up in the morning is always the worst for me.

miapeters said:

I'm planning on trying those when I get them, it'll be more helpful in the night, sometimes even with boosters abena's leak, not even because it can't contain it, it's just soaked. And having a bm with that every night is terrible, in the morning when I wake up it just feels horrible, need something to deal with all the wettings at night, and I can't physically stuff so many boosters in there it doesn't absorb properly.

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I understand, boosters can't fix everything >u<

Well, I do hope the Simples can fix the problem you're having. The standing leak guards and elastics are much more beefy and absorbency is better.
Sizing with the Simples is probably gonna be the weird factor, cause the Simples have the landing zone on the front the tapes gotta be on, so an extreme leg seal like the Abenas might be a little tougher.
The Abenas are good because you can get a really good seal around the legs. The tapes don't need to be on any landing zone, though the tapes are still one of my lowpoints with the M4.

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Also, where do you usually get your supply of Abena? Which site, or do you go to an actual med sup store?

Usually my parents get it ordered, managing finances for diapers as well is difficult alone, my parents still support me. Plus when I finish college I'll probably move back in with them for some time, now that im independent I can help them with stuff, my brother will still be schooling and I can maybe tutor him. Maybe recommend a place to get incontinence supplies in general online. All the other supplies I get from a medical supply store, not the most discreet way of doing it but it works for me.

miapeters said:

Usually my parents get it ordered, managing finances for diapers as well is difficult alone, my parents still support me. Plus when I finish college I'll probably move back in with them for some time, now that im independent I can help them with stuff, my brother will still be schooling and I can maybe tutor him. Maybe recommend a place to get incontinence supplies in general online. All the other supplies I get from a medical supply store, not the most discreet way of doing it but it works for me.

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Well, it sounds like you're pretty much covered and your parents sound like awesome peoples.
Only thing I think that might help would be maybe a cheaper site for your M4's.
Cheapest site for getting Abena M4 that I've found has them almost $10 cheaper per case than XPMedical or Northshore care, and they do free discrete shipping in the US. You should have been there for the "Buy one, get one free on Abena" sale they had a while ago.
It was awesome, they cut that deal off quick after we almost cleaned them out of Abena xD
Site: https://www.diaperbuys.com/

Jonnythepony thanks for the advice, this forum is a god send, learn something new, yeah my parents have been very supportive and helpful. Sometimes I feel like incontinence holds me back on a lot of things, especially getting out and being active. But I try now

miapetersSwitching my question to this thread : ) I don't usually wet the bed, and so I don't usually wear diapers to bed… but several nights a week I'll find myself waking up between 2:00 and 4:00 am to have a small bowel movement. I definitely feel less rested the day after these nights. Would it be a really bad idea to wear a diaper to bed and mess without getting up? I hadn't even considered it until you mentioned that having bowel movements in your sleep was the worst part of being incontinent… Do you still get rashes even if you use barrier cream every night? I wouldn't mind sacrificing some clean up time in the morning to have uninterrupted sleep the night before, but I'm not sure if my bedroom would start to smell bad, etc. How long are you in a messy diaper at night before you change in the morning? Or, what's your morning routine like?

Sorry i didn't even read the question fully, at home it's easy I have a bidet shower and if it's really bad yes having a shower is the best solution. When I'm out mainly wipes and toilet paper from my "bag".
I made a post about incontinence in general and I've put more details about how I deal with it, it's on the diaper talk forum it's called incontinence questions, ask away.
If you have a questions adisc is the best place to post for them, plenty of advice from people.
I recently went swimming for the first time with a combination of swim diapers suggested by one of the members here, they worked great for me. This is a place of support and so far it's been got to me.

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I really don't know when I have the accidents at night, but so far I've gotten rashes very few times as I said earlier I clean and clean and clean . Although my diaper is also soaking wet when I get up so it's a really bad feeling.
I usually get up and go straight to the bathroom empty the stuff from the diaper to the toilet and wash up with the bidet shower and go for a wash, if my diaper leaked I wash the plastic pants that's that. When I work late at night on assignments I have a small bm. I change and go to sleep and the next day it's the same situation I'm guessing I have an accident really late night/early morning.

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Jonnythepony said:

Well, for the last few years Abena M4 with boosters(Abri-let over Quadro combo is still awesome with the M4) were my go-to diaper.
Leaks didn't happen often, but they did and still do sometimes.

But after trying the Simples, I'm giving those a real proper run to see if its more efficient to just get the Simples instead of the Abena M4 plus all the boosters and such.
I still sorta prefer the fit to the Abenas much better than the Simples, I dunno why but the Abenas just hug me right, even better around the legs.
It's just the quality drop with Abena over the last few years(Tapes tear off, pinhole leaks, fluff clumping up) I wanted to see if I could swap it up a bit.

So far, the Simples are doing good work, sizing is not like the M4 though. Had to step up to large.A little big, but the absorbency and material amount stepped up as well ^u^

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Also, for a quicker way to alert me to your replies, use the "Reply with quote" button under the message the person wrote you want to alert, like I've been doing with you.
This way I don't miss any replies to easy and I see it when I log on.

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Still a little new to this so thanks for letting me know

If anyone has questions I'm happy to answer/ give advice or tips. So as the title suggests ask away