I second the suggestion to use the Garywear Active PUL pants. They silence the crinkliest diapers. I would not wear in public without them. They aren't irritating like plastic pants and they are very soft. A very thin pad in the pants between them and the diaper also catches leaks and any pooling in the crotch of them in case you really leak, so also does wicking underwear over the top of those, such as UnderArmour boxer briefs...not sure what the female options are there.
Dry 24/7s are loud, and IMO, not the best. Not bad...but not the best. Northshore's are at least as absorbent and quieter. ABU and Rearz are a little loud in the taping zone but excellent, and I currently rate Rearz the highest as I haven't made my first 8 of them leak at night (with boosters, but the same I use in all).
I completely understand where you are coming from and I have the same question: Should I just surrender? A while back I realized just how often I was running to the bathroom, so I counted one day. 17 times in 24 hours. I would say that hasn't changed, even when I try doing some bladder training for a while as I wear the Depend Real Fit to work and then try to hold it right to the point of minor leakage. I went to a doctor and he said my opening was way too small and widened it out, somewhat damaging my ability to pee standing up without getting it everywhere.
Are you at zero caffeine?
I don't feel that it threatens my job, but I appreciate that I'm lucky that way. I can almost always duck out. But let's say I'm in a meeting or hosting a conference call and I can't possibly break away...what then? I had to put the Real Fit to the test the other day by just letting off a little pressure, because I know it can't take a full on flood. If I was a cashier, or a call center worker where they measure your minutes on the phone, I would have no choice but to wear a real diaper every day. I'm really close to that tipping point of wearing diapers so I don't have the nearly constant bladder pain. I got stuck in traffic recently and the last 10 minutes of the drive home were excruciating, with leakage as soon as I stood up.
My entire life gets structured around knowing if I can reach a bathroom in time. I know where the bathroom is in every store and restaurant. If I know I'm going into a situation where there's a reason I'll have to go more than 45 minutes with no bathroom option, I'll wear a diaper, but of course life hands out some random events.
The only way I see we are different is that I do like diapers, and always have. But 24/7 ruins that. Wearing every night to bed so I can sleep has made that part of my evening a chore that I wish I could skip. I don't think my wife will like it if I have to wear all the time, though honestly after having kids she's just as incontinent as me but wearing diapers doesn't cross her mind as an option. I don't feel like she completely believes I need to wear every night, but we never discuss it.
So, if it were me on here asking what to do, I think I would want someone to tell me that it's OK to do what I know I need to do. It IS the same as glasses or hearing aids or whatever, just with a lot more social stigma, for no good reason. If you do wet yourself at work one day, I think that will be a lot worse for your job than frequent bathroom trips. It sounds like noise is your biggest concern, and that can be silenced. I don't think it will be much longer before I surrender. It's OK if you surrender, too.
