I went on vacation to my dads friend flat who both accept my kids space. I play in front of them and o have expressed how I feel like a child I a. Adults body and they are even buying me toys and encouraging me to play in front of them.
My dad for instance has been telling me that nobody notices that you are playing in the window as much as you think. He even recently said that my hair needs brushing more to get it in a style and he has asked me when I go down stairs to play that I bring down a hairbrush and he can brush my hair whilst I am playing, he is actually taking care of one of my needs, bingo! Apart from the fact I hate brushing my hair or somebody doing it because my hair knots up so badly! But still he is looking after me, I never thought I actually mattered to anybody until now!
On the actual vacation, I had time to relax and I felt more like a kid as it felt all new and I felt comfortable playing with my cars and Lego. I didn't have to worry about college or anything and I have come back refreshed apart from feeling a bit tired from the jouney, lol! I also got a text the day I arrived saying my money has arrived so that made me relax knowing it would be there when I got back so I could get some more diapers and stuff. When I don't get my money I get in a temper! I left my money and sewing at home so I only had kids stuff to do there.
I saw my little cusions who are both girls aged 7- 10, I played tea party with them and hide and seek. Hide and seek got really silly because we all tried to fit inside my nanas wardrobe and the wardrobe went behind the corner so I thought it was funny but I heard nana so I responsibly told them that we could get into trouble if nana found us and I would get in the poop of nana thought I was not as responsible as she originally thought, thank god it never came to that, I just let me and the girls have our fun first. The tea party was Fun as we used actual water for tea and the teddies noses got wet! I never really play with tea party at home but they gave me inspiration to do that and it instantly got more fun! I made up a fun story line with my cars when one was a vigilante that could time travel and I made up characters for the cars and I played like that for 2 hours! I actually done that story line before but I had fun with it so played it again! I am finding I have more imagination after this trip. I also told my nana about me liking toys which she acted as if it was totally normal.
I got my hair cut done for when I went to nanas and the difference is so true, I look like a real little girl and I felt cute! I felt lie, the real me again so I was grinning when I saw myself for the first time! It took away a lot of the disgust I had about myself and this is when my dad said about leaving a hairbrush downstairs so he could brush my hair. I am going to take a lot more care with my hygiene so I can be a fresh sweet little girl and I will feel clean within myself from bad memories and sadness. I got a childlike sense wonder again, I am thinking of collecting interesting things on my walks and explore more, I actually had fun Kicking leaf piles on my walk today, I am being treated like a child and more nicer than I used to be treated but dad will always let me have a adult conversation if needed. I am so glad he accepts me and understands me, I wonder if he thinks I am mentally ill or something?
So that concluded my vacation, good or what!?