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Thread: My parents found out, HELP

  1. #1

    Default My parents found out, HELP

    My parents found my stash, again. I don't know what to tell them and I don't think that this will blow over again. They already think that something is wrong with me, please help.

  2. #2

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    Quote Originally Posted by babyboy061997 View Post
    My parents found my stash, again. I don't know what to tell them and I don't think that this will blow over again. They already think that something is wrong with me, please help.
    I think the best thing you can do is just prepare to come clean about it when they bring it up. Let them know that you've had these feelings for a long time and that you're doing your best to manage them privately. Sympathize with their concern by acknowledging that it's a strange thing and that you've felt embarrassed about it, but stand up for yourself, too. Let them know that it's a generally-harmless quirk, and that a lot of people get along just fine with it. Maybe refer them to Understanding Infantilism if they seem interested in hearing your side of things.

    Obviously, as an adult, you're beyond being forced into therapy by your parents, but if they get stuck on that idea and it seems like the only thing that will calm their nerves or preserve your living situation, maybe give it a shot. The worst that would probably happen is nothing at all, and perhaps the therapist would even side with you and reinforce your position to your parents that this isn't going away, can't really be "cured", and can be managed alongside an otherwise "normal" existence.

    Best wishes!

  3. #3

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    my first advice if you can is to read the other posts that have been posted in this vein.

    here are a few you might find useful:

    http://www.adisc.org/forum/showthrea...=parents+found

    http://www.adisc.org/forum/showthrea...=parents+found

    http://www.adisc.org/forum/showthrea...=parents+found

    Thats just some general good advice sprinkled throughout those posts. I'd like to ask some questions before i feel comfortable giving any kind of advice on your specific issue though.


    What Happened last time you were found out?

    What did your parents find in your stash?

    Why do they already think there is something wrong with you?

    what is your relationship like with your parents?

    Is this situation going to effect your residential situation?



    I myself have had my folks find out when i was younger , it was a very uncomfortable experience. so I can imagine what you are going through.

  4. #4

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    Not enough information provided to help. Did they search through your belongings? That's a bit of a violation of your privacy, unless you've given them a reason (drugs, theft, etc). Were you sloppy in hiding things? That brings consequences, too.

    First, as a parent, I never violated any of my kids personal spaces, including all of their rooms. That's the privacy thing. We're all entitled to it. Now that they seem to have violated that, and found something "sexual", they should back off, knowing that interfering with your sexuality is off limits. Each to their own. Since their first impression might be that you have a medical problem, maybe you should let them know right off, that is not the issue. This is a choice issue. You feel safe, comforted, etc.

    If you dare, you bring them to somewhere like adisc, to learn more, if they're persistent in knowing what it's all about. There are plenty of places on the internet, related to ABDL that you WOULD NOT want them to go to, so this is certainly tame enough that they can learn what they need to know, and leave. Again, this is your thing, not theirs, so a well adjusted parent will realize that you are not harming yourself, your not searching for a sex partner, etc., and they should honor your privacy. I considered telling my parents, at certain points in my life, but decided it just wasn't anyone's business by mine, and my partner's. Enough said.

    There's no putting the toothpaste back in the tube, so you need to have a frank discussion. We see these messages all the time, and it makes me wonder how you let it happen, and perhaps why. Some would say you were asking for it, by not hiding your stuff well enough, and others would say, it's NOTB, but parents are parents, and believe me, they're probably just worried about where this stuff is headed. Personally, had I ever came across anything sexual in my kid's stuff, I would have just had a chuckle, and left it alone. Let them develop on their own. In this case, they might be considering blaming themselves, which I think is a waste. My issues developed without any intervention on my parent's part, to the best of my knowledge. It was just my own damn diaper brain, wanting to be like the other little kids, still in diapers, when my mom had just had enough of them, and was sure I was ready (I can assure you, I was not, even though I could keep things dry).

    Best of luck in sorting it out. My suggestions are to find better hiding places, or, at this point, just let them know, you will make every attempt at keeping it private. If you seem to think that means you can run around the house in just a diaper, let me tell you, that's taking it way too far! Once you find your own apartment, or home, you can very well do what you want in your own castle, but, right now, you're living in their castle, and you need to abide by their rules, EVEN if it means no diapers, until you move out. It would mean they were sticking their noses in your business, but, you made the issue pop up, by not hiding things from them, a bit better, or by not having a discussion, prior to their figuring it out for themselves. Either way, you all have to work on a solution, and for them, the best solution might be to forget they ever saw anything, and to never hear you utter another word about it. Eventually, you'll have your own place. At your age, I was in the AF, and had to put off wearing for several years, until I was in a more suitable place in life to live out my diaper dreams. There is something about kids these days, and the entitlement society, as if you're entitled to whatever you want, but that's a fallacy. You're entitled to what you earn. You want respect, earn it. You want money, earn it. Etc.

    Hope you can take one or two tidbits from all of this. Search out other threads on people whose parents have made the discovery, and learn from their mistakes. You're not alone. As a matter of fact, you're among a crowd of others that have left their guard down, and had to pay some consequence, sometimes trivial, and sometimes life changing. Consider all of this in all of your other relationships (with partners, bosses, the local police, online predators, etc.).

    Good luck!

    - - - Updated - - -

    Some very good replies above mine, too! See, the community cares!

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by MommyandMattling View Post

    What Happened last time you were found out?

    What did your parents find in your stash?

    Why do they already think there is something wrong with you?

    what is your relationship like with your parents?

    Is this situation going to effect your residential situation?



    I myself have had my folks find out when i was younger , it was a very uncomfortable experience. so I can imagine what you are going through.
    They questioned me, threw everything out and refused to listen

    an almost full package of CVS diapers, wipes and baby powder

    They are currently sending me to a shrink due to what the doctor called a manic episode

    We get along, but we aren't that close

    And I'm not sure if it's going to affect my residential situation, but I doubt it

  6. #6

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    OH, and it's a BIG OH.... I missed the AGAIN part. Perhaps I missed a previous post on this issue. Since it's an AGAIN, I'm guessing your probably had been found out before, and didn't find a good path through it, and got bit in the ass again. How you handle it this time will determine what type of person you are, one that respects your parents, and their wishes, or one that just figures that you're entitled to something you may not have totally earned (respect, privacy, etc.). As I originally said, you didn't provide enough information for any of us to totally know what's going on with this situation, so next time, a little more information might be helpful.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Well, it sounds like their minds were made up, from the first time. Sometimes you just can't fix stuff like this. You might have to shelve it, until you're in your own home. Pack of diapers, wipes and baby powder = $20.... The lesson learned about hiding things better => INVALUABLE!


    Let them send you to the shrink, as long as they're paying. No decent shrink will tell you that you have no rights in this matter. Not sure what the manic episode was, so it's hard to comment on the WHY's. I told my psychologist about my diaper desires decades ago, and she passed it right by, taking the high road in trying to help me sort out the real reason I was having trouble with women (availability, bad choices, etc., nothing to do with diapers, since I'd never brought it up with any ladies...).

    If you were closer, they might tend to understand that they're treading on dangerous ground. It all depends on (sorry...) how you approached it the first time. Had it been me, I'd have probably licked my wounds, and hoped they forgot, until I was on my own. There's lots of other ways to indulge. A pack of pullups might have been easier to hide, but then, you wouldn't be able to FLOOD like everyone thinks they should, to be a decent baby... Go figure.

    If the home situation gets affected, it just might be what you need to break free of your parents, AND BE A BETTER ADULT. I was out of the house by 18, and out of my parents sphere of influence, though, we became better friends as the years went on. Never had to deal with the diaper issue, but my mom dealt with dad's alcoholic issues for decades, so my thoughts are that a few diapers shouldn't have sent shivers up her spine. She might have just considered the "dependency" heredity.

    If they're religious, and this is a violation, then, good luck with that.... Pray!

  7. #7

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    when you say refused to listen, I'm assuming your referring to protests on your part that the paraphernalia is not a sign of mental disease, and also perhaps that they should not toss out your stuff.

    When I was younger after my folks found out, I was taken to some form of "shrink" to be honest, at the time I was not that aware of titles and how relevant they are to the person in the profession, my folks went as well, and had their own session after mine with the "shrink". I never opened up or felt inclined to open up to this "shrink". the person that is chosen or ends up talking to you in these therapy sessions really has a lot to do with how it turns out. they may be sympathetic with you, they may be more in line with your parents thinking. their judgments really have less to do with the actual situation then with their own personal beliefs. that said, my own experience with therapists is extremely limited, please take what im saying with a grain of salt.

    being that you are over 18, you can indeed refuse to go. in fact you may get the advise in the following posts from other users that you are over 18 and therefore cannot legally be made to do anything. I would caution you against this form of obstinacy, as this will affect your life in drastic ways. parents are fond of the idea that if you are not going to play by their rules, then somethings wrong and they need to do something about it, whether its eliminating amenities that they provide for you in life, or just your general relationship with them.

    Its a startling thing to find, not once but twice, how you respond to the situation will have an affect on how they respond to the situation. If you can get the therapist you see (if you decide too) to agree with you that it is a safe and healthy coping mechanism, they wont have too much to say, or they wont like what their money got them and try a different therapist. if thats the case your best bet is to calmly and rationally try to explain to them, that it is just one of lifes quirks and that it is not doing anyone harm. before you can properly mount a defensive dialogue with those that "refused to listen" is the target approach.

    instead of spitting and shooting out defensive remarks and your own statements that it does no harm, attempt to find out what their concerns are, address them systematically. are they concerned you will end up back in diapers 24/7 and they will be changing them? are they concerned that its regressive behavior? attempt to point out the things in your life that you have actively done and found easier because you have been secreting nappies. the goal of this approach is to show them with proof that you are growing as an individual.

    another approach that is classic is the "Always something worse" approach. have they found heroin needles in your room? Treatments for genital herpes? the anarchist cookbook? if you can answer no...then you can make a valid stand that there are many less safe coping mechanisms, better the diaper you know then the drug you dont.

    being able to see things from their perspective, and to show them and discuss with them that you CAN do this, will go a long way to alleviating their concerns. it outlines and illuminates to them that your thoughts run along the same course as their own, it enhances their own feeling of connectedness with you(im lacking a better word..i grant connectedness sounds pretty flimsy and not a good representation of the familial unit), it highlights what you have in common instead of the stash that keeps you divided..which you obviously dont have in common (maybe you do? wouldn't that be ironic!)

    I am NOT advocating that you have an issue, or that they are right when/if they say there is somthing wrong with you. If you can show them you understand why they feel the way they do, but do not capitulate to the idea that you need help for this issue, you may go a long way to showing them that you are a rational individual who, a thinking individual with control over their own actions.

    out of curiosity, what is the WCS, (WORST CASE SCENARIO) that you fear coming from this?


    theirs been no mention of this, but something that keeps me level in anxious situations is repeating this to myself when i feel the trepidation and anxiety of a situation i am in is too much. or even waiting to be in that situation. waiting is the worst.

    remember that realistically, this is not going to kill you, and that you will get through it.
    Last edited by MommyandMattling; 26-Sep-2016 at 17:06.

  8. #8

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    Agree with mommyandmattling, there's always something worse, when you consider all that kids are exposed to these days.

    Personally, I consider my diapers to be a sort of chastity device. NOT like someone is trying to control me, but like I'm making my own choice because I think if other's knew, they'd laugh, etc. BUT, as a choice, it does tend towards there not being as much sexual experimentation going on, because, who's going like finding a guy/gal into wearing diapers, unless it's another diaper wearer. Not saying you should use this as an excuse, but consider the ramifications of wearing? Do you go out and do stupid stuff, when wearing a diaper? NO, not if you're in your right mind.

    MAYBE it will all just blow over (me doubts this...). Give it some time, and see how it forms up. If they are firm in taking you to a shrink, go with the flow. Most competent shrinks would realize fetishes are normal. Some needs whips/chains, some love shoes/feet, some are into vinyl, etc. This is a no brainer, although some shrinks might not have been exposed to it before. If that's the case, suggest to THEM they get some continuing education from a site like ADISC, not in a general internet search engine. On the one hand, they're going to get a mild, no nonsense approach, and on the other hand, they're going to get a bunch of diaper AB's yelling "I want a mommy!", and they probably will want to reverse your course before it's too late. Even my wife used to think I'd become a total baby, if the diaper aspect was encouraged/allowed, but she learned over the years, FROM MY BEHAVIOUR, that it wasn't going to be the case. As a matter of fact, we learned together that I'm WAY MORE of just a plain old diaper lover, than an adult baby (never worked for me...). It was eye opening, on both our parts, are relieved some of the worry that I might just slip into being a total baby forever. Instead, I'm just a happy diaper guy, living the life, working each day, bringing home the bacon, and much calmer than I was when we grappled with it each month, when my need to wear arose.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by babyboy061997 View Post
    My parents found my stash, again. I don't know what to tell them and I don't think that this will blow over again. They already think that something is wrong with me, please help.

    Hi babyboy061997

    Really sorry to hear that this is happening to you. And I hope you are in a safe place.

    As your Perents have recacted in this way and not will to listen, you not going to reach them by fighting them.

    Stay carm I know you really wount to go in to Little Space and hide right now, if you can do Little space I sergest you do so as you will need a clear head space for the weeks to come.

    If you can you need to move out, but it may not be posable. You may have to see a therapist hopefully they will know all about regression and why you need to wear from time to time.

    Now if it get really bad and your Perents just wount leave you alone there is legal action as they through your property away with out your permision. Which is feath.

    They do love you and wount the best for you they just don't understand.

    You might just have to bide your time to the point when you can get a place of your own.

    I well be thinking of you.

    Sisi

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by babyboy061997 View Post
    They questioned me, threw everything out and refused to listen

    an almost full package of CVS diapers, wipes and baby powder

    They are currently sending me to a shrink due to what the doctor called a manic episode

    We get along, but we aren't that close

    And I'm not sure if it's going to affect my residential situation, but I doubt it
    Have you talked to your shrink about your AB/DL side? If they are a good shrink they won't be judgemental about it, and as long as you haven't signed an agreement to allow him/her to tell your parents about your sessions (you should ask him if he discloses anything to them) then you are safe to talk to him/her about your AB/DL side with little repercussion. My guess is that your shrink is cool with it, figures out that having diapers might be helpful for you, and then under your permission recommends to your parents that they shouldn't be tossing out things that are helping you feel safe and happy.

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