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Thread: Trans girl needs support and advice

  1. #1

    Default Trans girl needs support and advice

    hi everyone <3

    i never thought it would happen to me but it did: i feel like a girl but my body won't agree with me

    signs of girlyness were showing all the time throughout my life and to some point i was aware and very ashamed of it so i learned to supress it and put on an act around others. i've been doing that for the last decade now and for the majority of my life i've been dealing with depression and i simply hated myself.

    long story short, my long distance gf noticed my girlyness and pointed it out by telling me directly that i'm a girl with a D. at first i was a bit frustrated and took it as an insult, but as time went by, i realized she was right and i looked back on all the times in the past where i was being girlish.

    so now in the present day i finally accept who i am. i'm a girl and my name is Alexis but i go by Lexi. i love my new girly name that my very supportive gf gave me.

    with that out of the way, i am now seriously thinking about slowly beginning the transition process and i'm VERY nervous about everything. i still have to come out to my friends and family, which will probably give me a panick attack if i try to go through with it... but for some reason i feel like i'll get that out of the way somehow.

    recently i decided to let my hair grow again and i'm planning to get some girly clothes to make myself feel girly when no one will be there to see me being me.

    another thing is about my eyesight. i'm shortsighted and i passionately avoid getting glasses which turned out a huge problem when it came to getting a driver's license. i don't have it simply because i dont wanna drive with glasses. but as a girl i would love to wear those big girly hipster style glasses because i think i would look simply adorable.

    so that's one obstacle out of the way, but now i don't really know what to do next. when should i look for a "gender doctor" to talk about hrt and transition surgery? or maybe a better question, WHERE can i look for that? and how much money would i need for the whole process?

    i really need some advice and support, but overall i feel a lot better since accepting myself as a girl. for the first time in my life i actually love myself so i think i'm heading in the right direction but only time will tell.

    oh almost forgot: it's been my dream to have certain "girly body parts" and if i go through the transition process that dream will come true and i'll be a very happy little girl

    sorry if it's too long and all over the place. you know how girls are :$

    xx Lexi smexxii <3

  2. #2


    Hi Lexi,

    I think I can help you out a bit. I identify much more as two spirit then transsexual, but I've done a lot of research on the topic along the way to figuring that out, so I think I can help you on your way a little. I'm including a couple of links below that should help you start finding the information you asked about. When should you start looking for profesionals to help you? In my opinion, as soon as you think you need them. I would really suggest starting by looking for a trans aware therapist that has worked with people in transition before. They can really help you navigate the system as well as what you're own thoughts and feelings on the process. They can also help you with how to start the medical process where you live if that's what you want and need. The links at the end of my post should help with that some.

    Please don't think about the money part of things right now. Trust me on this. You won't be doing all of the medical stuff at once. Even if you could, you wouldn't want to. You'll figure out what you need to do and how to get it done along the way. Right now, just start the journey. You don't need to map it out quite yet. Plenty of time to do that when you have more information.

    As for the glasses, sweetie go find a pair you like. They'll make your life so much easier, and I happen to think that the right glasses for someones face and personality can be adorable. I don't wear glasses, but I went through a similar process with my forearm crutches. I have a disability called Cerebral Palsy, and except when I'm at home or around my office, I walk pretty much exclusivly with crutches. I didn't start using them until I was 17. My life would have been a lot easier if I had started using them earlier. I let my pride and vanity get in the way for a long time. I was a lot happier when I started using them. That's not to say I didn't find compramises. I don't use hospital grade steel cruches. I have supper light aluminum and plastic ones in a rainbow of colors. I usually alternate between a neon blue and dark pink pair depending on my mood, and I have a black "formal" pair for when crazy coloirs wouldn't be as appropriate.

    One last thing. Since we're on ADISC, check these quick videos out. I wouldn't post them on a trans forum for big girls, but since we're here I think they might make you smile.
    Last edited by Gwendolyn; 4 Weeks Ago at 05:03.

  3. #3


    Hey Lexi!

    Earlier this year I was in just the same boat you were. Let's get some solidarity up in here!

    Anyway, I think I'll say a few things on the subject. Feel free to ignore whatever sounds like nonsense.

    So yeah, sounds like you're just starting out. From your age, I'm guessing you're in college, either living with your parents or near campus.

    I'm not certain I can give advice, but I can at least tell you how I proceeded with coming out. I definitely didn't do it all at once. It was all strategic. I started with friends, specifically friends I could predict a response from. Of the three initial friends, one of them was raised by lesbians, one dated a nonbinary individual, and one had a trans-brother. All these were safe bets, and helped me to build confidence. That was pretty important. Also they donated a bunch of clothing. Befriend girls.

    I also came out to my family one at a time, specifically taking into account their political views and such. You know your family, you probably have an idea where they lean on things. Use your judgment, and build an alliance with those you think would be more sympathetic first.

    I lucked out. While people in my family were surprised, they were rational enough to see that ostracizing me would not be good for our relationship, so they basically let me do my thing. I also go to school in California, so the culture out here is pretty accepting.

    Regarding the HRT question, I attended support groups over the summer, where I asked when I should start. The most common advice I received was to present female full-time for about a year before starting the hrt, to see if it improved things (and also to see if I could handle discrimination). These women were at least in their fourties, some had bad things happen as a result. But for those who started HRT they didn't regret their path. I value their advice. I am currently in the middle of my full time girl year, and shit's going pretty good.

    If your school has free psychological counseling, I'd recommend that you take avantage of that. You can get a good referral to a gender therapist or attend sessions for free. Otherwise, you might want to consult a gender therapist on your insurance.

    Best of luck,


  4. #4

  5. #5


    thank you all for your support, i really appreciate it

    after a bit of research i found out there's no way i'll get to be a real girl anytime soon as i never had even nearly enough cash to afford it and it really made me sad

    but then i talked to someone i trust and she told me that i'm a girl no matter if i'm physicaly a guy, which really made me feel better.

    then i thought about it some more and remembered that if i start living like a girl, no one's gonna actually take my pants off and see what i really am. well, unless a sexual offender attacked me, in which case he'd be in for a traumatazing surprise

    for now, i think i'm gonna slowly get more and more giish as my hair gets longer. and if people around me start to point out the changes on me, i'll take the "i don't care" approach and hope for the best.

    as for coimg out to my family, i thought about telling them that living like a girl is some sort of therapy for me, which really wouldn't be a lie. i've been struggling with depression and self hatred for years, and since i accepted the fact that im trans i started to love myself for the first time.


  6. #6


    i finally hit the breaking point. life long depression or transition.. Time for a new me

  7. #7


    I guess you can say I am an elder in the community and have a bit more experience. I identify as gender fluid, One of my web sites is for trans kids (you are still kind of in that category
    If there is some way I can help you specifically, information, finding a therapist... you have only to ask.

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