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Thread: Partner doesn't like it?

  1. #1

    Unhappy Partner doesn't like it?

    My boyfriend/fiance isn't a fan of me wetting myself. He hasn't been a big fan of ddlg/abdl even bdsm lately even though we haven't been doing that stuff for awhile. I am expecting a shipment of onesies, diapers and pacis so I don't know what to do...
    He says he'll try for me but what do I do?

  2. #2


    Finding out if it's a deal breaker should be the first thing you do. Just knowing that he's not 'a big fan' and that 'he'll try' isn't enough. Beyond that, it's a matter of what your individual limits are, both the minimum you're willing to be happy with and the most he's willing to live with. It's all about communications. Since this is not going to be a surprise to him, I'd go full out.

  3. #3


    It's making me question what I really want. If it is a deal breaker then I'm stopping this, it makes me happy but I need him

  4. #4


    Quote Originally Posted by BabyWaby View Post
    It's making me question what I really want. If it is a deal breaker then I'm stopping this, it makes me happy but I need him
    Relationships are a two way street full of compromise from both sides. If he knows about it, and he doesn't want to participate, so be it. If he finds it disgusting and wants you to stop, that's up to you. Would you be alright with giving up something in return for love? Are you ashamed of it? Do you think the urges would return leading you to do it behind his back anyway? Would it be used as something that makes you use it as an internal argument? Would it lead to a healthy relationship in the future?

    Quitting cold turkey out of shame and guilt can be rather unhealthy emotionally. Maybe if he'd compromise his thoughts about it, maybe if he actually understood how much of a crutch it is for you, before they can say it's disturbing/gross to you without understanding what it is to you. The initial thought process is what it is to most vanilla people.

    More likely than not, you'll think about being an ABDL if you quit. You'll still have the urges and such, the feelings don't just disappear. You'll end up indulging in some kind of way or another, whether it's behind his back, or not.

    Just remember that no relationships are prefect, and they are all completely different. If it becomes his one way street, then it's not really a healthy relationship if you're doing everything to keep him happy and you might not get back in return. I'm not saying that quitting ABDL is impossible, but quit healthily.

  5. #5


    You've listed yourself as IC. I wonder how you're going to stop that unless you aren't incontinent. Either way, this is something he's either going to have to accept or you are going to have to stop wearing and wetting diapers.

  6. #6


    I don't think a true ABDL can ever give it up forever. You will come back at some point, sneaking it if need be. I kind of live that life now. My wife is not a fan and has been less tolerant as time has past. So when I do wear, it has to be timed when she is either already in bed or going to bed (or that time of month for her which gives me a bit of freedom). Your best bet is to figure out a way to be able to wear in some way without your boyfriend involved. If he can't accept it and you won't give him up, there will be lots of friction down the road that can lead to bigger issues and a harder fall.

  7. #7


    Quote Originally Posted by BabyWaby View Post
    My boyfriend/fiance isn't a fan of me wetting myself.
    Does he know you're incontinent? If he's got a problem with that, what does he expect? That will somehow fix itself when you get married??? Better make sure he's going to be okay with that in the long term before tying the knot!!

  8. #8


    You sound young, and your boyfriend sounds even younger. I say this because the way you describe him sounds a bit clueless, like he doesn't know you or what you need, and also knows very little of the ABDLDDlg scene. My heart goes out to you, cos you're going to have to try to be more mature than him and get him to open up about his reservations. It IS all about conversations and close, intimate talks - where neither partner feels threatened or anxious. Strangely, you may have read, ABDL/DDlg couples are often much more in tune with each other. I was married to a girl who didn't really want me or what I was into, but it took 3 kids and over 25 years to "move on". Our relationship was always on or off, nothing in the middle. Since then I've found my true partner in life, and the intimacy and support we share is so valuable and meaningful. So, there is hope out there! If you can get your boyfriend to relax and be honest, that'd be a good start. Lots of luck and wishes.

  9. #9


    He is older then me just by the way

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