Need dating advice

I am currently in a very tough situation with my boyfriend. A little back story, he and I have been together for a little over a year. He found out about me being a DL after a month of dating. At first he was freaked out because he had never heard of such a thing but once we talked about it he was able to understand it a little bit and said he didn't have a problem with it. For over a year now he and I have had a lot of problems in our relationship, mainly sexual problems. I have realized that I need DL to be a part of my sex life otherwise I am left somewhat unfulfilled. This has created a lot of tension between us and for the past month we have essentially been separated. It started off sleeping in different beds and now I'm staying at my parents. He is telling me that me being a DL is a problem I have but I constantly refuse to look at it that way. I told him that it is just a problem in our relationship and that we shouldn't be together because of it. I am a DL and he is not. It's not a problem that I have that needs to be fixed, it's a problem in our relationship because he is not interested in diapers, right?
There are plenty of other reasons that our relationship isn't working, mainly because I don't feel the same kind of love for him that he feels for me. But he is looking at it as I am choosing diapers over him? That is very frustrating to me because it makes me feel like I do have an addiction but if I were with another DL then this kind of thing wouldn't come up. I guess I don't need advice but I am curious to hear your thoughts or similar stories.

Dump him then, especially if he can't accept you for being yourself.

We're a biased audience but most therapists would also tell you it's not harmful in and of itself. You have a relationship problem and if you're committed, I think getting some counseling might be the way to go. There are always going to be problems and incompatibilities in relationships. The complicated part is seeing which are irreconcilable. Maybe there's a way you can satisfy yourself as DL that doesn't involve your partner. Maybe he could learn to make a small gesture that would make it easier for you. Keep talking.

Geekboy said:

but if I were with another DL then this kind of thing wouldn't come up.

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I disagree, allow me to explain.


You mention that you feel unfulfilled unless as you say DL is involved. however even if you were with another DL or even ABDL, they might have other interests then ABDL that need satisfying as well, and your inability to achieve satisfying intimacy without DL being involved would prove to be an issue in this situation.

It sounds as though your current relationship is beyond saving, and it does not seem like you are trying to save it either, only trying to be reassured that there is nothing wrong with you.


if you are ok with needing DL to be involved (i might say here, i dont know exactly what activities your talking about needing, and this is not really a site you can go into detail on. so take what im saying with a grain of salt, as i am lacking in info)

If you are ok with needing DL to be involved, to have intimacy satisfied, then as someone who also has needs to feel satisfied i would say that you do not have an addiction.

However you may want to find a balance, or at least an ability to find fulfillment at least some of the time from non DL activities. this in no way means you have a problem you need to eliminate.

being able to find that fulfillment without dl being involved however, in my opinion, is a positive skill to have in life, with no negative after effects. especially as it in no way limits you from exploring and doing the things you desire too.

if he does bring it up as diapers or him, you can always return that love would not lead to a question like that, not without at least first trying to accommodate/understand/compromise.

I'll give it some more thought..

It sounds like this is the wrong guy for you. He seems to have some issues that aren't your fault and it sounds like you are ready to move on.
Don't worry about who gets the blame. It's probably easier to just take the all the blame so he moves on with less hassle. A girl (big space) friend of mine once told me that it's often easier to get your self dumped than to try to dump a guy. Guys hate to lose at anything. a guy who gets dumped either wants to fix things, get revenge, or convince the world that you were a horrible person anyway. But Guys who do the dumping rarely look back and you have fewer problems. So arranging to get yourself dumped is much easier. Especially when you have a dark secret like being a DL that you don't want plastered all over his facebook.

That said, it sounds like you might have a few issues that a counselor could help with. Not being able to achieve intimacy with a partner unless a fetish is involved is a sign that some extra baggage is piled up in your attic. A counselor could help get that sorted and out of the way so you don't trip over it with the next guy you date.

Foxroxsox said:

That said, it sounds like you might have a few issues that a counselor could help with. Not being able to achieve intimacy with a partner unless a fetish is involved is a sign that some extra baggage is piled up in your attic. A counselor could help get that sorted and out of the way so you don't trip over it with the next guy you date.

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I think this is a very good point. I lived an exclusively gay lifestyle when in college, and was with one guy three out of four of those years. We had a very good sex life that did not involve diapers. In fact, I never told him about that side of me until just recently. I indulged in diapers when I went home on the weekends. It just seems to me that the two of you could work around the diaper issue in a way that worked, but I think you said you weren't in love with him in the way he is with you and that's probably the bigger issue. Usually that ends relationships.

Whichever one of you said that I am not trying to save this relationship but simply trying to reassure myself, you are absolutely right. It wasn't just my interest in diapers that ended this relationship although it was a major part. It was also because I never really loved him, at least the way one should love a partner. It is so unbelievably hard to tell someone that you don't love them. Even though my feelings weren't there I obviously still very much care about him and never meant to intentionally hurt him. But this relationship was doomed from the beginning. I was reluctant to get into another relationship with someone who wasn't a DL or even into kink for that matter. But I gave it a go. I am fully aware that there will always be differences between two people who are in a relationship. I am willing to look past and work out a lot of those differences but I really believe now that whoever I date in the future has to be abdl. It's what I've wanted for a long time now.

Mommyandmattling that about the best answer anyone can give because honestly my girlfriend had said the same thing to me that I was choosing the diapers over her even tho that's not true and never will be. Some people just try to find whatever they can to make you look like the bad person when In reality they are the bad person for asking one to give up a part of there life to suit them and it's not right not by any means they say they love you and all this other bs but as soon as they find out there's more to you than meets the eyes they do whatever they can to change who you are and honestly I'd you love someone whether it be a little or a lot you should accept them for who they are and don't try to change them into something they don't want to be. Needless to say I am still with the same girl but decline to tell her that I still wear diapers and that I will never change my ways. Diapers give me comfort and peace of mind she hive me grief lol so I think the choice is an easy one. The best I can say is do you and don't change for anyone because the second you do you lose your happiness