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Thread: Divorce

  1. #1

    Default Divorce

    So... I've been separated from my wife for nearly three years now (living 3000 miles apart). I've known it was over a year and a half ago. She just had her third child (only her second child was mine).

    Why am I on the verge of breaking down simply waiting for a lawyer to call me? I have known this was coming forever and have put it off but I'm finally trying to get the ball rolling so I can move on with my life.

    Sigh. I've stabilized for months after a depression from the separation, but I feel another one coming on.

    By the way, the diapers are only a small part of why we separated. For those of you who have heard me say "ex-wide" already, that was just trying to prepare myself.

  2. #2

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    Quote Originally Posted by MolicareMan View Post
    So... I've been separated from my wife for nearly three years now (living 3000 miles apart). I've known it was over a year and a half ago. She just had her third child (only her second child was mine).

    Why am I on the verge of breaking down simply waiting for a lawyer to call me? I have known this was coming forever and have put it off but I'm finally trying to get the ball rolling so I can move on with my life.

    Sigh. I've stabilized for months after a depression from the separation, but I feel another one coming on.

    By the way, the diapers are only a small part of why we separated. For those of you who have heard me say "ex-wide" already, that was just trying to prepare myself.
    I'm sorry for you. A major change in life is never easy, and those changes come in so many different shapes and sizes. For you it's divorce. For me it has been the collapse of my wife's health. Shit certainly happens, but when it does, we have to try to find ways to cope with it.

    Rather than get depressed, get a lawyer and protect yourself. I'm not suggesting that you should be combative, but you should seek a fair settlement so that you aren't left out in the rain. You still have two children. Will you be in their lives, especially if you are living 3000 miles away?

    Life goes on so find a gracious way to move along with it in a direction that is healthy. Try to remain positive and think positive things. Who's to say you find someone else who is a great match for you?

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    I'm sorry for you. A major change in life is never easy, and those changes come in so many different shapes and sizes. For you it's divorce. For me it has been the collapse of my wife's health. Shit certainly happens, but when it does, we have to try to find ways to cope with it.

    Rather than get depressed, get a lawyer and protect yourself. I'm not suggesting that you should be combative, but you should seek a fair settlement so that you aren't left out in the rain. You still have two children. Will you be in their lives, especially if you are living 3000 miles away?

    Life goes on so find a gracious way to move along with it in a direction that is healthy. Try to remain positive and think positive things. Who's to say you find someone else who is a great match for you?
    This is really good advice. I think, in the moment, big losses are really rough and it's okay to feel sad and to hurt in that situation. The important thing, like dogboy said, is to do what needs to be done for the situation and to look for support in as many places as you can.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    You still have two children. Will you be in their lives, especially if you are living 3000 miles away?
    I have one child (she has three, each one by a different father). I do try to stay in his life as much as I can; it can be tough to Skype with a 4 year old though. At least we're on amicable terms, otherwise she could make it near impossible for me to see my son.

    I got a lawyer (my first meeting isn't until the 22nd due to scheduling reasons). I'm not depressed, but I feel that slipping back could be a very real possibility. I just have to take it one day at a time. Hopefully this process doesn't wipe out all my savings (the lawyer is $295 an hour, which is about on par for what I've known from previous things).

    I'm hoping to find somebody else eventually, but I will be upfront about my DL-side. I'm only 30 but the older I get, the less I care what people think.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by MolicareMan View Post
    I have one child (she has three, each one by a different father). I do try to stay in his life as much as I can; it can be tough to Skype with a 4 year old though. At least we're on amicable terms, otherwise she could make it near impossible for me to see my son.
    We've Skyped with our youngest grandson and yeah, the Ipad is all over the place. It's sort of funny for us, but probably frustrating for you. It sounds like you're on the right path and yes, all you can do is take one day at a time. Hang in there and hopefully things will get better.

  6. #6

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    My wife has to hold the phone for him. If he holds it, I just end up looking at the ceiling or the wall or the floor... I think she figures we'll just continue the status-quo of doing nothing, but I need to act. I was putting it off due to her pregnancy so I didn't have to knock her off the insurance (once it was determined she was pregnant, the court would have wanted proof of paternity so it didn't really help me to boot her early) since a c-sections (for reasons) are not cheap. I have good insurance.

    She will be surprised when the paperwork is finally served, but I don't want to let her know ahead of time.

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