I'm sorry to drop this on you but I really just gotta vent.
I love my mother, there's no doubt about that. However I know that she was the cause of the first divorce, I never blamed her for that though. My earliest memories were when I was about 4 or 5, I remember that as a child the world seemed so great and innocent. My parents fought at lot, screaming, doors slamming and things breaking. I remember sitting in my room trembling, waiting for my mother to work her way up stairs to scream at me for any reason she could think of. My parents divorced when I was around 5, it didn't get any better after that. I felt like I was being forced to choose which parent to side with. Everyday I felt like a reminder of my father to my mother. Years later, after a failed boyfriend, when I was 9 my mother married again. The screaming and door slamming continued. To this day they are still married after 11 years, how I'm not sure. I respect my step father's restraint.
Something recently happened that opened my eyes, after a horrid night out, my mother who was upset over a belligerent movie goer behind her, over reacted as usual. We were in the car and my mother and step father broke out into a fight screaming at each other in the middle of town square. My step father got out and walked home, while my mother went from the back seat to the front, and in the proses she had hit me. No big deal I knew I could take it, but my concern was for my little step sister in the back seat. After we got home I walking in to talk to my step sis, who was sitting on the couch, and make sure she was alright. After hearing the tremble in her voice I assured her it wasn't her fault. However in my mind I thought "my god thats me sitting there on the couch".
I could see that the same thing that I had experienced, she was going through. Today my only memories of my childhood are of the constant fighting and fear. Today I have anxiety issues and hate yelling, it's not hard to see why. Conflict doesn't belong within Family, it rots you to the core. The hardest part is not knowing what to do, all you can do is stand there and take a beating with out saying a word because you know if you don't it'll only get worse.