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Thread: Not diaper related...but I need help

  1. #1

    Default Not diaper related...but I need help

    Hey everyone!
    I am having a serious struggle with something not at all related to diapers and I need help. About 3 months ago my wife came to me and told me I need to quit smoking. I really didnt want to but decided I would do it for her. Fast forward to today and while I havent smoked I really really want to. I have no desire to quit but every time I say im going to go get cigarettes my wife gets all emotional and pretty much guilts me into not doing it. I dont want to quit. I love smoking but it upsets my wife so I end up not doing it. We've been going through this song and dance for about 2 weeks now and I dont know how much longer I can take it. Any suggestions?

    Thanks

  2. #2

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    Actually, according to my own thought you must keep yourself to don't smoke, why?, because this is your wife will and this is have very good meaning for yourself. I'm not going to talk about the dangers of smoking or anything, but when a wife forbids her husband from a bad habits, it means good not only for yourself but for your life the next day with your wife. Well, you're 27, you're still not too old and young enough, I think your wife doing this because she wanted you become her best husband, of course you're best partner for her also for your children without bad habits. You know there's much people wanted to stop smoking but cannot why, that's addiction. Addiction make you desire to again and again for smoking, you're lucky had wife like her, so all of this was the psychological battle between you against your addiction, whether you can or not, all depends on yourself. Your both was an perfect couple, your wife was doing the best for you and also you must doing the best for her, don't let addiction make your relationship fall and broken.

    AEther*

  3. #3

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    Hi wearingabenas. I can say that if you don't want to quit it's unlikely to work. If you carry on maybe some nicotine replacement would help with the cravings are least.

    You must love your wife a lot. Talking to her maturely is the only way to get through this. Of course she has your best interests at heart, but it does not seem like the right way to go about this.

    How long have you been married? How long have you smoked for? Has this always been a problem? Lots of questions I have around how you got to where you are today.

    I wish you luck. As an ex-smoker I can tell you it is worth quitting, but also hard work.

  4. #4

    Wink



    Quote Originally Posted by wearingabenas View Post
    Hey everyone!
    I am having a serious struggle with something not at all related to diapers and I need help. About 3 months ago my wife came to me and told me I need to quit smoking. I really didnt want to but decided I would do it for her. Fast forward to today and while I havent smoked . I have no desire to quit but every time I say im going to go get cigarettes my wife gets all emotional and pretty much guilts me into not doing it. but it upsets my wife so I end up not doing it. We've been going through this song and dance for about 2 weeks now and I dont know how much longer I can take it. Any suggestions?

    Thanks
    First of all, I'm not a smoker, never have been, so take this for what it's worth. Sorry, but I'm with your wife on this one. There simply is no rational argument for smoking.

    I dont want to quit. I love smoking
    Smoking is not pleasurable nor is it relaxing. It's satisfying the addiction that's pleasurable and relaxing. These are the two most frequent reasons you hear from people who smoke. Smoking is purely an addiction, both physical and psychological. It has a significant downside and no redeeming qualities.

    You're in the denial stage now, which is something I can have an opinion on. I think that you're deceiving yourself about your smoking. You need to quit. You have to want to quit. You need to decide to quit. And you're nowhere near that point right now.

    As far as how to quit? I can't help you there. That's way above my pay grade. I don't understand people who have addictive personalities. My nephew went from cigarettes, to alcohol, to gambling and back again trying to deal with his addictions. Perhaps others on this forum who have been through the experience can help you.

    P.S. To bring this back to this forum's domain, a cigarette is a comfort object just like a pacifier is a comfort object to a child. Maybe your wife will let you have your pacifier whenever you feel like a smoke .

  5. #5

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    Never smoked, but I'm old, so I know all about things I ignored in my teens and twenties coming back to haunt me..... I'll spare you the enumeration.

    There are a lot of things you might have found out about and come to love in 10 or 20 years that could be ruled out by smoking now.

  6. #6

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    Your wife really seems to care about you and your health to want you to quit smoking. I'm more than sure you know the dangers and all that. At two weeks that's no doubt it's the withdrawal talking and if you give it more time, the urges will start going away gradually.

    In the long run, it'll be far better for your health to quit but quitting cold turkey is often not the best way to go as the urges may return. It's best to wean yourself off the cigarettes by smoking less every day, switching to a less dangerous alternative like e-cigs (still dangerous, but not as dangerous as normal cigarettes), or using quitting aids such as nicotine patches / gum.

    Bottom line is, she's concerned about your well-being and obviously loves and cares about you very much. And I can tell you also love her very much by trying to quit even though you don't want to. Don't let cigarettes end this beautiful relationship.

  7. #7

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    You can look into chantix if you want to, it's worked for at least one person I know, but failed for a couple others so it's no silver bullet. My dad used it and didn't quit completely but was able to cut down considerably.

    Also be aware of potential side effects. If you've ever fought depression, I don't recommend it.

    As others have stated here, the only real solution is to talk to your wife. You either need to decide you want to quit for her, or she needs to accept that you'll likely never quit. YOU have to actually want to quit or any method will likely fail.

  8. #8

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    I do smoke cigarettes on occasion but they never really grew on me fortunately. I have fought other habits or light addictions before. Not like heroin or anything serious like that, but I have quit drinking and smoking marijuana before and given up things like ice cream and red meat. Although I should point out I never intended on permanently giving these up as I don't consider them major detriments to my life, but will take a couple months to full year breaks every once and a while.

    Anyway, the first month is always the hardest. It gets a lil easier as each day passes as your body adjusts. I hate to break it to you though, but it doesn't happen overnight and never goes away completely. However, ignoring the urge will become easier and "urge spikes" will happen less and less frequently. But that pesky urge will never just completely disappear.

    Anyway, two weeks is a relatively short time. Especially for cigarette addiction which is one of the most, if not strongest, addictions someone can have. If after a month or two it doesn't get any easier then be worried. Once again, it may not necessarily be easy fighting the addiction after that first month or two, but it should be noticeably easier.

    It sounds like you really want to kick the habit for your wife's sake and have been trying really hard. So good job with that and keep it up! Ultimately it's really going to come down to you staying strong and realizing and accepting that it is going to unfortunately suck for a little while. However, if you really need some help there's the nicotine patches and gum. I've heard those work and if necessary there are even vaporizers which I feel CAN help with quitting. However vaping usually becomes a substitute for smoking instead of a tool to help reduce smoking and your wife may not be okay with that.

    And if it really really comes down to it, I don't how strongly your wife feels about you quitting, but it may come down to what's more important to you. Your wife or being able to smoke?

  9. #9

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    The key takeaway from me is that what I've learned from growing up around smokers my whole life, you will only ever be successful at quoting if YOU want to quit.

  10. #10

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    Do you think shewould be open to you vaping to break away from actual smoke? Then break away from the vaping. My one friend kicked cigarettes by constantly eating sunflower seeds, plus they are cheap and nutritious.

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