Hello fellow ADISCers,
So I had little bit curious to my self about why I'm I and what disorder is it. Seems like there's something wrong that happened to me, so my self sometimes feels negative and weird at the eyes of people.
My childhood was unhappy, I rarely feel joy when I was child, there are lot of problems at my past. At my school I never had a close friend for I can talk to, I just know my classmates but didn't close with them all, I was bullied when I was in elementary school, in my family as well, both relationship of my parents are also not good until now, even they intend to get divorced, so I think that's all was affects me today, I find that my self is:
I always afraid when communicate to others.
my friends said that I was quiet and rarely talk, but honestly that I didn't intend to do not want to talk, but sometimes I feel afraid to start a conversation with others, such as there is a sense of repulsion of afraid when to start a conversation with others.
Sometimes hard to hear people opinion about mine.
When I finish some work or doing some works, I find that's hard to hear people opinion about what I've done, for examples: when I using computer or mobile phone, I'm afraid if someone seeing what I'm doing, I always hide my mobile if someone see me when I using mobile phone.
I always feel distressed when hearing people say that I'm wrong.
If I doing something that was wrong it's difficult to accept that, seems like I was judged and stress. I always sad and feels guilty if I doing wrong things, I think too much about my wrong things and say to my self "why I'm doing this!".
Afraid with eye contacts
I always keep away my eyes contact from seeing faces of other person when talking, not because I scared with others, but I just seems like afraid, scared, or whatever when see other person face or eyes when talking.
This the problems about my self and I always find that,
So do you people think that I was paranoid or what? I wanted to see professionals next time, but I want to hear your opinion first about what kind of my self is.
I will appreciate all comments,
Thank you for reading!