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Thread: problems explaining how to treat me little

  1. #1

    Default problems explaining how to treat me little

    My IK has a keeper or carer ( not sure of the right word to use here). She ( IK ) went through a phase of pushing back against his ( keepers) authority. This pushed him away and he seems to put up a defensive wall of forgetfulness. Now that the difficult stage is over he says he is willing to try again but he does not remember how to treat me little. I have tried listing examples, and explaining every way I can think of. Nothing has helped. I would really appreciate any ideas. Oh one other critical piece: keeper is in Wales I am in usa we talk on skype

  2. #2


    I'm not entirely sure I understand,

    could you define IK?

    also, and im not trying to be a pain in the rump here, but could you possibly reword this sentence? i'm not sure if we are talking about 2 people in this sentence or 3.

    She ( IK ) went through a phase of pushing back against his ( keepers) authority.

    I wont hazard answering the rest of your post, although I think i get the gist of it. I want to make sure i fully understand it first .

  3. #3


    Sorry for the confusion IK is innerkid. the little side of my personality (age 2-4 mostly 4). that side of myself went through a time of throwing fits any time her carer disciplined her and it pushed the carer away a bit. On most other sites I have been on IK is actually preferred to spelling out innerkid ( less chance of anyone thinking one means a physical kid). Also keeper is used to refer to someone in a reparenting role on many places. that sentence is about 2 people by the way.

  4. #4


    Unfortunately the old saying of "you can lead a horse to water, but you cant make them drink" comes to mind.

    if you have given your carer/keeper detailed examples of little/IK activities the two of you can do together, if you have reminded him, kept it fresh in his mind and this has not helped there are a few things you might try.

    The first is communication with your carer as to what is still holding him back. Please keep in mind I do not know either of you, so my answers are based more on my own interactions with people in general (at least how i perceive them) rather then the both of you as individuals. I dont believe that him forgetting is a 100% honest, i find it hard to believe that he could repeatedly "forget" something that you (i am assuming) have also repeatedly tried to encourage and highlight how important it is to you. I would confront them and try to get a different response aside from forgetfulness. imo he is probably reluctant to relive what to him brings out negative memories or experiences, whether conscious or not.

    The second is time, give him space, try not bringing up the subject or reminding him. maybe small sweet actions to show you have changed from your "throwing tantrums"". its a passive approach..I personally dont put much stock in it paying off anytime soon. perhaps the two of you could look at tumblrs or other resources together and vocalize the things that the both of you enjoy seeing, and hope that leads to a conversation about incorporating those scenes or ideas into your own lives.
    Perhaps there is something he has an interest in that the two of you have not shared as well, and participating in his interests may well move him to participate with you again.

    the third and most unfortunate possibility is that he may never be ready to resume the dynamic the two of you have previously participated in, and you will have to look to see if that is the truth of the matter for yourself and decide what to do from that point forward. sometimes radical wild tantrums or fits, especially unexpected have extremely long lasting and negative effects on relationships. in the past couple of months on adisc there has been a couple of posts about couples breaking up because the little was having tantrums or behaving too childishly.

    all of these reposes are based on the idea that its not forgetfulness holding him back, but reluctance. if you would like to give some examples of things he has "forgot" or things you have previously enjoyed together but share no longer, others may be able to give some better insight then mine.

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