So, I'm an aspie.
I don't really like to talk, or engage in social behavior. So on the topic of having a partner, I haven't even tried. I haven't even had a IRL friend since, prolly 8th grade, and that was a while ago. It's more of the fact that I wouldn't know what do do with such a close partner. I have a hard time understanding,or visualizing how two people can be like that. I'm honestly more like Spock from star trek, I think in terms of logic. I also spend all my time, sleeping, at work(or school) or working on my other projects, small amount of gaming or tv. I don't even have the time, or the effort to make the time.
I'm not sure what to do. I enjoy being alone, doing the things that I like to do. I'm also hampered by the fact that I don't have anyone to do more things with that would be easier to do with someone else. I need someone, yet don't want to spend the time to achieve that.
To further complicate things, I don't even know where I stand on sex.
Basically, I don't really want to be with a girl for that. It doesn't arouse me, in fact I don't really get much out of "doing it myself", It just doesn't feel good unless I stick stuff up my butt. In fact I fantasize about a penis being up there. I tried a real dildo and it was one of the best experiences, and I've been enjoying anal play more than anything recently. But honestly I couldn't "love" a boy, so I likely wouldn't go for that, I'd also never trust that person. I could probably "love" a girl, but like I said, I don't want to have sex with a girl.
I'm also not sure that I'm capable of love in the typical sense of the word. I experienced it until I was 4 years, but there has been 0 love in my family past that point, I have no experience with it, or how to act or what to do.
I mean, I consider my self in love with my stuffed animals, but honestly its fake, and does not really fill that void that I have.
I'm totally lost, and who I am just makes it really difficult to change.