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Thread: mental breakdowns.

  1. #1

    Default mental breakdowns.

    Well, I've had two mental breakdowns in the last two days, my suicidal thoughts got pretty intense in the last two days, very intense as in I would most likely do it. (been kind of plotting and imaging things)

    All this stress is getting to me, accidentally sliced my hand on glass today while cleaning out my room, blood pissed everywhere, brought back a traumatic but similar memory involving blood, a bit distressed about it, ended up yelling and kicking things due to how bad the memories are.

    Tried to choke myself, started freaking out because it got stuck, undid it, and I'm not attempting that again, it's scary.

    Sorry for my last post, I had to vent and apologise for the swearing, I'm going to see my doctors about my intense emotions.

    It's odd, deep down I'm honestly feel isolated, hopeless, not due to the getting kicked out thing, mostly not even getting basic jobs like maccas, feeling like a failure and I just want to escape.

    At the same time all my problems would go away, no more looking for jobs, but at the same time, I'm honestly scared. I'm obviously in my lowest state, It doesn't help that I have high expectations for myself, yet never accomplish anything as reality doesn't like to help, for some reason I can never get a simple job, while jimmy the junkie, gets a job.

    I find it odd how I apply to maccas online, at 20 different restaurants, yet I don't get the job, while the next day a mate of mine who is a hard core drug user, gets the same job I applied for. yet he doesn't rock up at the interview (I'm not kidding this actually happened on multiple occasions) even he has a bloody job.

    I feel like in 80 years I'll be working at maccas. I don't see myself having a bright future, because in reality, good things happen to bad people.

    I just feel at awful, and at my lowest, just don't think I can cope with this nonsense anymore.

    The only friends I've got in real life, I've lost they mostly vanished after I finished high school, I've got no one in real life honestly, people just care so little, they forget tons about me, people just move on i guess. I'm not too important, I guess there happier without me, even though I was nice and caring.

  2. #2

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    I am glad to see that you are planning to see a Doctor.

    I can understand totally about your felling's and know how stressful moving can be when nobody around you care what you do or don't do.

    Please keep talking to us and now that we are here to help and support in any way we can.

    Egor

  3. #3

    Default

    Things seem really tough right now and it's hard to see past that, but new opportunities and people will come into your life. I hope that your doc is a good listener and helps you on the right path. As you said, you've been a nice and caring person and that matters to other people more than you think. Look after yourself right now though, and get yourself strong enough to recognise and then follow all the wonderful opportunities waiting for you.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by ozbub View Post
    Things seem really tough right now and it's hard to see past that, but new opportunities and people will come into your life. I hope that your doc is a good listener and helps you on the right path. As you said, you've been a nice and caring person and that matters to other people more than you think. Look after yourself right now though, and get yourself strong enough to recognise and then follow all the wonderful opportunities waiting for you.
    I'm so sorry for the way you're feeling. You've had so much happening in your life and you're still at such a young age. I know it's taken all your strength to hold on, but please don't give up.

    Although I don't have the answers, it's understandable. You've been coping with the stress of your parents' miserable behaviour towards you their interference with your school finances, the constant threats of getting kicked out of the house, not to mention coming to peace with being transgendered. Any one of these problems could be a legitimate crisis and reason to have a nervous breakdown. The fact that you're coping with all of them simultaneously is a testament to your strength, but there also comes a point when we all need help. You shouldn't have to be going through this alone.

    Sometimes it just feels like the world doesn't care. We feel it the most when we are at our lowest point. It can feel like we're being rejected by our parents, prospective employers, and you think there's nobody that cares. That's not the case. We care about you here, and I'm betting there are people or professionals in your life that will care and offer help and hope if you'll just give them a chance.

    First of all, you need to believe that none of this is your fault. It sounds like you tried to talk very reasonably to your parents about the tafe funding, and there appears little likelihood they are going to change. This appears to be a central point of what is affecting your mental health, since it impacts on your housing, your finances, and your education. If you can centralize where the stress is coming from, then you can face it head on and re-establish control.

    Regardless of whether or not your parents are going to kick you out, their ongoing threats and financial control can add considerable stress to your life. It may be time to seek alternative living accommodations so that you have a safe place to live while you determine where you want to go in the future. In your previous thread 'Getting Kicked Out' there were a number of suggestions that were provided, including talking to a tafe counsellor or a professional, getting a referral to emergency housing, and options for transgender housing, I encourage you to take the steps of moving forward and removing yourself from a home that is detrimental to your mental health and wellbeing. You may not be able to change your parents behaviour, and you may not be able to force a potential employer to hire you (even though they're losing out on a great worker) so you have to focus instead how you respond to these decisions, and how you can take control and move forward. I would strongly encourage you to talk to a counsellor in the tafe program as soon as possible and let them know what is happening in your life. Give them a chance to help out. If that's not possible then talk to someone you know and can trust. You have so much going on inside, you really need to let someone in.

    Also, don't be afraid to reach out to a helpline. They are available if you are feeling depressed, or if you just need to vent and talk to someone IRL. Many helplines also have extensive knowledge and referrals to housing and financial options.

    Kids Help Line (under 25 years old) 1800 55 1800
    Life Line 13 11 44
    Mens Line 1300 78 99 78

    Or 000 for emergency services

  5. #5

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    The term "nervous breakdown" is actually referred to as having a psychotic break. I've had two in my life, the first when my parents went bankrupt and we had to move, and the second, my senior year in college. The second resulted in my having to see a psychiatrist at a residential facility. These things can be very serious so I hope you will be seeing your counselor soon.

    I do a lot better when I'm busy, either working or accomplishing something, and when I'm with others. Getting a job might be beneficial to you. It would keep your mind busy and you'd meet new people, hopefully people who are nice. It would get you out of the house and away from your parents. Who knows, you might climb up the ladder and eventually make enough money to support yourself. At the same time, you might make some friends with whom you can hang out.

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