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Thread: I want to be little but can't and now I feel depressed (Warning Rant!)

  1. #1

    Default I want to be little but can't and now I feel depressed (Warning Rant!)

    Hello everyone, To be 1000% honest I am scared of graduating collage, and I want to be little again, To be honest My childhood wasn't the greatest, and my life now with my brother isn't the greatest, and I am afraid that he is going to kill my grandmother and me in our sleep, and/or cause a school shooting, due to his bipolar and his dangerous infatuation with females which he could take out on us if his latest relationship fails. Also we were friends because we survived a tough situation tougher, but now that friendship is gone and It may have never existed to begin with, also I am scared about the job prospects when I move out. I know the economy isn't the best, and I know It is hard to afford an apartment these days, especially when you have no job and no car which I don't have ether, and I may think about transitioning but as I said I have no job and no car and I am not through with collage. Also I just want a friend like what I thought my brother was, but I don't know anyone yet and this is really annoying, Also thanks for listening to me rant so far, I really appreciate it.

  2. #2

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    It's ok, rant away, but then take a good look at the wonderful person that you are and start being proud of what you've achieved. No one knows what's round the corner, but you've got to be brave enough to find out. It's a big adventure and it can be scary, but I'm sure you'll find it's worthwhile.

  3. #3

    Default

    Hi KittyninjaW,

    I'm sorry looking you like that, you looks so severe in living your life,
    Well basically this life had a lot of issues and problems, sometimes we try to be patient in variety problems. But patience is not enough, indeed patience has limits. Therefore you also need a struggle and grateful. It feels severe through all that, but if there is goodwill and confidence everything will be fine. Also struggle will certainly provide a wonderful end result if you do it in earnest and hard work, and don't forget the grateful about all that we have today.

    We complained our life because we were disappointed that the reality of what happened is not in line with our expectation or desires. And you need to be aware that it will happen almost everyday in life is the fact that often it's in accordance with our wanted. So how to overcome is, we just have to learn of grateful in all circumstance we face imbued with the spirit of hard work.

    Surprisingly there are certain people who didn't know to be grateful without struggle and give up even to suicide. Such people seem to never to able to see something good and positive for only focused viewing their bad things.

    Because of that, try doing effort for struggling your problems and reduce the complained about life because every people in this world always have problems in their life. Began to take time to grateful everyday and start to move forward to the future in struggle for face the life problems, grateful more and believe your life will be better and luck always be with you for your life.
    Some people always seeing things that had probably missed from their view because they are too busy with complaining their life problems so that make them fall in the pit of failure and depression.

    Then if you are really feeling not strong, you can see the professionals such as counselor, psychologist , or also religious figures who can inspire you or give solutions to live the life that is so bitter, or also those who are close with you that you can trust to be able help you through your problems, maybe I'm not the one who can give you solution, but all I can say is "Make sure that yourself is not consumed by depression and remained standing face the life problems without never gave up."

    "Good luck, life is adventure."

    Sorry for annoying grammar.

    AEther*
    Last edited by AEther; 19-Aug-2016 at 12:21.

  4. #4

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by AEther View Post
    Hi KittyninjaW,

    I'm sorry looking you like that, you looks so severe in living your life,
    Well basically this life had a lot of issues and problems, sometimes we try to be patient in variety problems. But patience is not enough, indeed patience has limits. Therefore you also need a struggle and grateful. It feels severe through all that, but if there is goodwill and confidence everything will be fine. Also struggle will certainly provide a wonderful end result if you do it in earnest and hard work, and don't forget the grateful about all that we have today.

    We complained our life because we were disappointed that the reality of what happened is not in line with our expectation or desires. And you need to be aware that it will happen almost everyday in life is the fact that often it's in accordance with our wanted. So how to overcome is, we just have to learn of grateful in all circumstance we face imbued with the spirit of hard work.

    Surprisingly there are certain people who didn't know to be grateful without struggle and give up even to suicide. Such people seem to never to able to see something good and positive for only focused viewing their bad things.

    Because of that, try doing effort for struggling your problems and reduce the complained about life because every people in this world always have problems in their life. Began to take time to grateful everyday and start to move forward to the future in struggle for face the life problems, grateful more and believe your life will be better and luck always be with you for your life.
    Some people always seeing things that had probably missed from their view because they are too busy with complaining their life problems so that make them fall in the pit of failure and depression.

    Then if you are really feeling not strong, you can see the professionals such as counselor, psychologist , or also religious figures who can inspire you or give solutions to live the life that is so bitter, or also those who are close with you that you can trust to be able help you through your problems, maybe I'm not the one who can give you solution, but all I can say is "Make sure that yourself is not consumed by depression and remained standing face the life problems without never gave up."

    "Good luck, life is adventure."

    Sorry for annoying grammar.

    AEther*
    Hello AEther,

    To be honest, Sometimes I feel depressed and sometimes I don't, and I feel it causes massive problems, and also it causes disphoria in a major way especally when he is around/ but I could always deal with it before my brother came around and even then I was willing to give him a chance until he betrayed me.Afterwards I just feel panic whenever my brother is around my college, which is all the time since he is a student there, along with me. I feel that the stress from my Bipolar/Schizophrenia brother has Enhanced the problems, though due to the fact that I don't know what he is going to do and I am afraid he is going to shoot someone and cause a school shooting or kill someone or kill my grandmother, and/or me and act that way, and it is hard to focus on my homework and test when I am afraid my brother is going to shoot/hurt someone or cause damage to my grandmother, or her property. I know It will eventually pass and soon I will be graduated and moved out, but It is hard to focus on that when you have the giant obstical that could distory you if a girl dumps him or something dosen't go his way, and I hate focusing on it. My grandmother wants to give him a chance, which is why he hasn't kicked him out, and she tried to explain to me the way his mind works, due to the fact that she had several husbands like my brother, and to be honest she tried to explain the whole thing but I can't wrap my head around it. I truly wish stuff in abdl stories/captions were real, otherwise I would turn my brother into a baby. Sadly, however they are not, and I have to live with him, and his insane/ possibally murderous ways, but sadly he is the olny one I can talk to about my nerd stuff, due to the fact we are both related and both have seen the same stuff. I wish I had someone else though. Oh and thanks for listening, that got a lot of my chest.

    - - - Updated - - -



    Quote Originally Posted by ozbub View Post
    It's ok, rant away, but then take a good look at the wonderful person that you are and start being proud of what you've achieved. No one knows what's round the corner, but you've got to be brave enough to find out. It's a big adventure and it can be scary, but I'm sure you'll find it's worthwhile.
    Thanks ozbub, you're a good guy.
    Last edited by KittyninjaW; 19-Aug-2016 at 13:18. Reason: To be polite

  5. #5

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    You're not alone... Even those who appear to have the best prospects and the best circumstances have the same sorts of fears when facing the transition to adulthood.

    I hope your brother sorts himself out. Mine had some difficulties at that age as well. He ended up joining the Navy, which worked well for him. Or maybe its just the age.... he might have matured without the Navy. Of course, he'd probably have gone to prison because he'd have gotten caught up in the things his friends were doing....

  6. #6

    Default

    Well KittyninjaW,
    In addition from my reply, I'm sorry because I'm not a professional or psychologist who can give you a solution for how to overcome the anxiety that make you cannot focus on you work. I just can give you support that you can still standing face your problems and do your responsibilities as far as you can and also don't forget to pray for your brother for he can aware himself, there must be a reason why your brother betrayed you maybe something that is not fulfilled to him, so make himself less happy and we don't know what will happen ahead but if you can think positively, always pray, and still focus, I'm sure fortune is bound to happen someday and everything will be fine. Hopefully you can pass it and your graduation and your life will be well.

    Sincerely
    AEther*
    Last edited by AEther; 19-Aug-2016 at 15:29.

  7. #7
    MarchinBunny

    Default

    I actually sort of have the same issue. Did not have the best child hood so it felt like I never actually had one to begin with. So it really makes me wish I could be a child and relive it in a better situation. Every year I get older, I can hardly believe how old I am. Then on top, being transgender too doesn't help since it's sort of a similar situation to an extent.

    There are things though I wouldn't want to give up that you have being an adult. I like my freedom to do what I want.

    I will say, I never been capable of getting up off my own two feet. I am always reliant on someone, other wise I would be on the street right now. My life has put me in some seriously bad situations, it's like I was put in a hole when I was a kid and I have yet to crawl out of the hole. I have come close several times, but someone always kicks me back into that hole before I make it out. So I have tons of accomplishments but nothing to show for it. I get more help from strangers than I do from my own family.

    I would be lying if I said I never thought of suicide, as I have many many times. I have never attempted it though. It's also been a long time now since I last thought of doing so. I think ... I am passed that now. I think somewhere down the line I have come to appreciate life and being able to live even if it's not the best life ever. I can't say at what point I started thinking this way ... but I can say I am a lot less depressed because of it. I am more curious now about what is ahead of me and whether or not this hole will be a thing of the past or if it will forever always exist with me until the day I die.

    lol sorry I think I went on a little bit off topic there, but eh ... it is what it is. I think what I am trying to say is that ... even with all the bad, there will always be good that exists. Sometimes it's hard to see it at first, but it's certainly there. Whether it presents itself as learning something new, bringing about new opportunities, meeting new people ...etc.

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