I hate things I cannot control

Hello everyone, First off I am having problems accepting myself, and It is effecting my family, Mostly becuse I don't know what myself is I don't know If I am trans or a little girl or a sissy. But One thing I do know is that I want to be a little girl and wear diapers all day and be doted on by a dom/mommy, but it frustrates me as well becuse I have to be an adult male and go to college, and to be honest the two sides are causing friction in my life, Also I have Imagined myself as beaing trans/a sissy due to me considering it and Sadly I loved it, I loved imagining wearing girls clothes, and beaing some girls sister and for some reason I Imagine myself in one of those TG Captions where I turn into a girl, and I enjoyed it massiviely, but they Leave me confused and sad becuse as I said I have to be an adult male and I feel sadly Indifferent to hating it, and due to what has been going on with my brother and college I have enough to worry about without dealing with this and It is hard and I just want to be a little girl so badly but as i said I can't and It saddens and confuses me. also I live in a small town in the bible belt and if i do transition, I am worried about what people would say to me, and the abandoning of people I love, and It's sad and I don't know what to do. I hate things I can't control.

You remind me a bit of how I was until I talked to someone about my feelings. I'd highly recommend speaking to a trans-focused therapist or psychologist (not a psychiatrist) about these feelings. don't data dump on the first day, though do mention there are a bunch of major topics you'd like to discuss later on that's related though would be too much on the same day. Also trans-focused and trans-friendly is not the same. Someone can copy/paste they're trans-friendly and not even know about WPATH and such a person wouldn't be a good fit for your situation.

Since I don't know your area well I'll be unable to provide much assistance in finding someone, however look into the local gay alliances (where I found mine), transgender clinics, and local medical universities. Make sure to also get a consultation to know if they're a good match and to make sure they have convenient hours for you as well as accepting your insurance.It took me a month to get a single call back so many may not ever get back to you which is why clinics/alliances are better.

KittyninjaW said:

I hate things I can't control.

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...and therein lies your problem. Discovering and ultimately accepting who you are is a journey not an exercise. Maybe you will identify as a sissy. Maybe you will identify as a little girl. Maybe you will identify as trans. The important thing to understand is that these questions will sort themselves out in their own time and in their own way. I'm not suggesting that you ignore your feelings but these things need to be secondary to your adult responsibilities. Just enjoy who you are and deal with whatever is stressing you to the point that you're allowing it to take control of your life.

It looks like you seem confused with the orientation of your life, you want to be a sissy like a little girl and you want to be a adult men to going college, one good thing that I see from you is "you seem to have thought and strong will for your future where you wants to be a grown men in college." I understand we must doing our responsibilities as child in the family like going to school and achieve the future career seriously, personally if you really orientated for your later life like going to college as ordinary male then focus with it first, make it as priority of yourself (Doesn't mean that you must leave your sissy life) if you still interested with sissy to be a little girl, doesn't matter if you make it for the secondary in your life.

Like us as Adult Babies, we don't need to be confused to be mature for a job or being a baby because "ageplay" isn't it? Of course we remain adult for our job as a human, but the second priority in our lives is a "regression" and we don't need to be confused because of it, if you feel it's important to do something like going college as adult men in general then feel free to doing it, no matter if you want to save your masculine as male, and don't be confused for being a sissy return for sometimes if you need for fun. But remember that first in this life is the future goal for better life, do everything that will endorse it, after that do everything fun as you can and be confident about who you are.

Sorry for annoying grammar.

AEther*

Coming from someone who understands....

I am a bit older than you, but it hasn't been all that long ago when I was in your own shoes, going to college and confused about who I was and the mix of emotions that I was feeling. I was certainly an adult male and parts of me sure relate to that, but know that I am a bit older and perhaps a bit wiser because of the experiences I have had, I understand the more feminine and little girl part of myself and acceptance of that.

Coming from this perspective, I would first of all offer you big hugs :hug:

You are not alone! You are among a lot of people here who care about you and understand at least to some extent or another of what you are going through.

What I offer is a suggestion to not overly concern yourself right now over this. Go with what you are feeling and what seems to be right inside. You need not to be ashamed of who you are and how you feel. You are who you are supposed to be. Don't let doubts and fear cause you to be less than the beautiful person that you are inside.

If I can, I would like to share just a little bit of my past. I remember going to college and feeling so out of place. At times hating myself because I thought I was the only one who felt this way. I remember driving into the valley late at night and seeing the lights of the city and thinking, God, I must not be the only one who feels this way, am I? Of all these lights out there, there has to be others who have this interest? Am I just the only one our here? Can I be accepted? Is there others like me?

KittyninjaW, you are not alone! There are lots of others who share in these thoughts with you!

Trust in what you feel. Trust in the way that you are. You are uniquely unique!! That is pretty damn cool!

Go with what you feel inside. You don't have to settle for one thing or another. You can be all that you want to be. Embrace your little girl side as it is something that is deep within, but if you feel you need to be the masculine male because that is also part of you, or what you feel you need to be to others, that is okay too. You can be both. I have figured that out. I am a cowboy in real life and work in a very masculine environment, but yet I also embrace the little girl that I am too.

It seems a conflict, but it isn't. I am both. I am one and the same. If that is what you feel you need to be, you can be both. Being one does not limit you from being the other. Or if you feel you need to express yourself in just being the little girl, that is okay too. It just needs to be acknowledged within the protocols of society in that you may not actually be able to appear in class in just a frilly dress and a diaper:wub:

You are quite fortunate in that you are going through this in a time that acting upon your feelings is much more accepted that in previous times. Having said that, I realize it still takes extreme courage to do so.

I apologize if I seem at all condescending in my comments. I don't claim to have all the answers, but I have indeed come to an understanding where I used to feel pain and confusion. If I could offer myself when I was your age going to college and confused over the feelings I had back then, I would first of all give myself a huge hug, then offer the explanation I have shared that all is as it is meant to be. Be who you feel you are and all will be okay.

:detective3

TeddyBearCowboy

Everyone has the right idea, you really need to find someone you can confide in who can give you some unbiased advise. I would recommend seeing if you collage has an LGBT resource center or if not looking online for any support groups that talk about these issues. Sometimes these pier groups are the best place to get information about places to go. If you need to reach out you can also see if there are other online forums or resource centers out there. I work with a group that helps support gender nonconforming individuals to find resources all the time and I do know there are organizations like that all around the world. Most people who are confused about their gender identity/sexual orientation only need to get some simple information to start finding the path that is right for them.

It is also highly recommended to find someone who specializes in therapy for sexual and gender issues. They will be very professional, private and it will allow you the opportunity to talk about things you don't feel comfortable talking to anyone else about. It helped me a lot.

Best of luck, and feel free to message me if you have questions.