Trying to come out to wife

Hi all

New here. Understand that this is probably a very common situation to be in. I recently got married and want to tell my wife about my sissy baby side. I was hoping that maybe some of you who have come out to your wife or husband may be able give me some help in terms of your experience as I'm not going to lie I'm terrified about it but do not want any secrets from her.

My wife is awesome an a very open minded individual however because I've never ever told a soul about my other side before the thought still terrifies me.

Any thoughts or people's real experiences I would appreciate if you'd be kind enough to share

my advice is to do a search on this site for the term coming out to wife and reading all of the previous posts on this topic, there is an INCREDIBLE wealth of information available.

its a great start that you recognize she is wonderfully open minded, I'm sure that does give you a bit of comfort.

I have seen Trevor post advice a few times on the idea of knowing what you hope to gain from sharing this information as well, so you may want to make sure you have a clear idea of this.

Timing is everything, this may be something you dont need to hear as advice, but just encase, make sure its an appropriate and prime time for both of you.

Another specific thing you may want to consider, is whether you are going to be explaining this as a sexual fetish, a life style, or a non sexual way of relaxing.

Boy, you should have told her long ago. The response to what you are about to tell varies from total acceptance to instant divorce. I did the same as you, and although we have managed to stay married a long time, it is very rough, depressing, and still may cost me the marriage. She told me this week that I have hurt her more than anyone else has.

Enough of my ramble. I wish you better luck than I had. Make sure that she knows you can be the guy she wants, and not just a baby. Take time to make her life pleasant.

I'm not about to try to upstage Trevor and BlueGrey, but I would heartily endorse the notion of knowing 'why' you want to tell her before you do. What is the goal of your disclosure? Do you want her to participate with you in some way? Just tolerate your wearing around her? Or are you just trying to avoid living this part of your life as a secret? Which path you choose determines, in many respects, what you say and how you say it.

As BlueGrey quite correctly notes, the responses can vary from instant acceptance to instant separation. What you want from the disclosure - and how you 'wrap' your confession to your wife - will likely determine her response. If you can tell us what you want to gain from 'coming out,' we can probably help you with the verbiage. We've all been there ... to one extent or another.

The one thing to remember is that women, in particular, have a very pragmatic view of diapers and baby play. I'm not a sissy AB/DL, but I imagine women have a very pragmatic view of women's clothing as well! The 'why' behind your AB-ism is probably more important, at least at this stage, than the 'what.' And, as BlueGrey advises, you should already have some ideas what you can offer her in return.

Let us know how we can help, and good luck!

A said on other threads around here, there is a book which can be of help. "There's a Baby in my Bed!" by Rosalie Bent. She is not a psych, but has studied and is married too an AB sissy. It covers not only how to interact, (should your wife be willing), but a lot of the whys and wherefores that hep you and her to understand what is going on in your head. It may help.

Well,

I've been there not married, but serious relationships...

First off, you will get a bad reaction most likely, not from the being an ab, but that you didn't tell her before...she may say it's different, but put yourself in her shoes, here is a fairly major thing that hasn't been disclosed...it's a trust deal!

Next is explaining the ins and outs of your personal feelings wants and wishes...

Finally usually is negotiation...

Make sure your ducks are in a row, and do this when there is a great dynamic in your relationship, but not when your on vacation or in a situation where there isn't the ability to have private space, most people will add to the negative when they don't have the ability to get some alone time to process...or at least the ability...

Be apologetic, sincere, and know where you are going with the conversation, take the lead as much as possible, Utah allow feedback and just put up with interjection and getting cut off, it may happen.

It won't be an easy thing, but I feel better late than never....keeping secrets in a relationship is usually an issue on both sides...

I myself have kept it a secret and open to various degrees in relationships, back in the day I did lots of contract work for govt and alike which was classified so secrets were a give, and even with it being work related was the doom for many relationships...

I assume you want to tell her first and foremost to not keep secrets from her...and to some degree to get acceptance or best case participation...

Don't talk about her roll right away imho...let her ask what you would like from her...and start with telling her is about trust, and feeling bad you didn't bring it up sooner...

Not knowing you or your wife, it's hard to predict or suggest a specific course...but getting it out there, and not keeping secrets should be the biggest part of this...

Fill us all in with background and also if there are other secrets you may have...or possibly if she has any secrets or proclivities you may have detected...

Best thing would be if she may have a secret as well, then it's a mutual sharing experience...which keep either off their high horse a bit more...

Just my $0.02

I don't know how long you've been together before getting married, but, something like this should be discussed before marriage. Using the "I was to scared to say something before" excuse kind of loses its effect or merit after the fact.

When you decide to get married, everything should be left on the table. That goes for both sides. You're deciding to become life partners, a partnership that includes trust most importantly.

I'm not going to say hide it, because one day you most likely will be caught, whether you know she knows or not. Then she might decide not to day something and come to her own conclusions, or seek another source of information.

In my opinion, it's a slippery slope, you'll never know how she would react.

If she finds out or not, it will still affect both of you. I would say it would be best to tell her. She may have a secret fetish of her own. She may not mind it at all. She may "act" like it doesn't affect her at all but eats at her until it becomes something toxic in the future. She may be angry about not knowing before marriage and still not mind. She may easily misunderstand what it is. She may absolutely despise it.

Be prepared for anything.

You should do as MommyandMattling said.
Gathering lots of information for you and accepting yourself is the first step.
Like being said, figure out if abdl is a fetish for you, your nature, a lifestyle, etc. Try to figure out what does it do for you, the feelings it makes you feel.

Like being said, she will probably get mad more because of the fact that you didn't trusted her before.
Be patient, find a good timing and be prepared to explain yourself, explain your deepest feelings and accept what she is going to say. If she suggest therapy, accepted. Therapy went well for me it made me feel more proud of who I am and I gained more confidence.

Anyway, good luck and don't hesitate to ask more questions.

P.s. Take notes of the ideas that fits you.

ive come across this so many times with close friends that wear diapers or dress and there have been different responses from wives...ideally you should have told her way before you got married but its not always that easy ..ive seen friends that have told their wives and it has ended in divorce but others that have and the wife is accepting and will also participate..then the wives that accept but on no terms around her only when she is out so you have to be prepared for any of these to happen. If you feel your wife is broad minded then ease it in slowly...watch a programme on tv about ABs see her reaction....ask her if you were to say you were one how would she react? you can usually get an idea from her reaction then as to what she feels about it...but to go straight in and say it may be a bit drastic as alot of women wont be prepared for their as they see it masculine male to suddenly be telling her he loves to be a baby..
It needs to be gradual and eased in to conversation really over time and hopefully she may give you the responses you want. Personally i really dont see a problem to what anyone does in their lives as long as its not hurting anyone and it saddens me that ive had friends whose wives havent accepted it when they are supposed to love them..if only they knew the fun side of being part of it ..i love wearing and also being momma to my baby sissys so i get the best of both worlds. I wish more ladies were accepting but sadly theres always going to be a stigma out there like with anything different to what people accept as normal.Good luck hun and i hope she is totally accepting xxx

I told my then girlfriend (now wife) about my liking to wear diapers weeks before we got engaged. I knew she'd have to know about this part of me before proposing.... didn't want to try and live a lie or keep it a secret forever. It was just the 2 of us over her place and surprisingly she kept bringing up something adult baby related that she'd seen on tv. The time seemed as set up as any.. but it still took me nearly 30 minutes to work up the nerve to tell her I was a DL. She looked at me kinda odd afterwards but chuckled and said she thought it weird and didn't understand it but that she could most likely deal with that, long as I wasn't an AB.

Since that initial convo we've talked/argued/fought/discussed numerous times and come to an agreement. It's not her thing, but she understands I enjoy it. Your wife being open minded helps (mine claimed to be and sometimes is as well). lol. However, even with that we've decided to keep wearing out of the bedroom. She's not fond of participating but diapers me every now and then. Mostly though, I wear while she's out. She's told me numerous times that when she sees me wearing she thinks it's emasculating. In the end though, you can't change someone else's feelings. You can only discuss and enlighten them on what wearing means to you. Everyone's spouses reaction is different (like other posters have said).. but if you speak from the heart and mention that all of this comes from not wanting to keep anything from her.. ultimately I think she'll appreciate that you told her and were honest with her. If you'd like to ask her her thoughts or anything in particular PM me on here and I'll see if I can get her to respond.

You know her best, and so will know how to approach this. Trust your instincts, but don't overwhelm her with everything at once. Keep in mind this is going to radically alter her understanding and vision of you. Yes you are still the same person, but to others we still fit a degree of idealism in their mind. ... this is unlikely within her concept of a hubby.

Go easy, you have three big things to drop on her... Sweetheart I like to wear diapers .... ummm and I kinda feel like a baby sometimes..... And well actually I like to feel pretty as well.

Now for us that know and experience these things this doesn't seem that outlandish, but to the unsuspecting ..... Just saying be gentle.

Best of luck. And keep seeking advice as you head through this.