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Thread: I felt like I left my mom behind!

  1. #1

    Default I felt like I left my mom behind!

    My mom has died last month of pneumonia and kidney failure, she had diabetes and epelespy and was always in hospital.

    Now when I think of mom, I have a vision of looking at her from a distance on the ward she was on and seeing her waiting in the chair to someone to come for her. She was always saying how she is going to go home on her last ever visit in hospital 2 weeks before she died.

    I feel that now I am starting to try to get things back to normal and now my dad has said that me and him were going to get a house together along with his friend, I feel like I have left her behind at hospital!

    I can imagine her just sat there waiting and waiting wondering why nobody is coming for her. I am not sure if I am like this because I never saw my mom dead but I did see her last moments. I feel so guilty because we havn't seen her in over a month and I feel that she is waiting for me. I think I still think she is alive and we have abandoned her, we have had a funeral and cremated her but I am thinking different thoughts.

    I don't think I will ever get over this, I just feel so guilty that I have left her but she's dead as far as I know!

  2. #2


    Our longing for those we love is something hard for us to forget when they leave us, especially died. So that makes us feel guilty for people who already left us, it's quite unusual among people. I personally also ever felt guilt when I saw my grandma died, because just like you I have never met her in her last time. But I understand that's longing.

    Angelic, I've read all your posts and it looks like you have some problems in your life, anxiety about yourself, anxiety about others, anxiety to your parents. You seem depressed because of anxiety problems you've experienced in your life, so the problems still echoing about bitterness of the past in your head. Well, reasonable if you feel guilty because you're not seeing your mother in her last time of her life, but you don't let your life constantly wrapped by guilty, I know you love your mother but you should remain steadfast in face it. I don't know the principles of life after death, but I'm sure your mother soul would be glad to see you happy in your life.

    Make sure for you're trying to be happy back (not means that you forget your mother) but for you can be more stronger in doing life. Because I have seen since your mother died, you seems like lose courageous and fell into depression, I heard that since your mother died you become very anxious, depressed, even you say that you were no longer active in your youtube channel because of it. Therefore, strengthen yourself, I'm sure that your mother was not sad to see you from other realm, but that's because you're too longing of her. Try to do something that makes you happier in life, forget all sorts of your guilt and I'm sure with that your worried feeling will gone by itself.

    Thank you and sorry for annoying grammar.

    All to the best

  3. #3


    Losing your Mum is very difficult and takes a very long time to come to terms with.

    Could this be a stage of your grief which will eventually pass by itself?

  4. #4


    Maybe, I have been feeling it less today, I am not sure if you have noticed what time I have posted this thread, it's usually thoughts that keep me up but if i don't post I will never get to sleep.

  5. #5


    It's still part of your grieving process.
    Life can't be rationalized and is one of the few things left which remains 'miraculous'. Death is the flipside of the same coin.
    Even medics struggle with the idea of a person being there one moment and gone the next, especially if the body is in front of them.

    If you remember what I said about being haunted in my earlier post, well, you'll also haunt yourself with your thoughts and feelings about your mum.
    I can't say that such things ever go, they just lessen as you get used to them and find some context for them.

  6. #6


    I like what ade has to say. I'd also add that when we go through the process of watching a loved when get sick over a long period of time, we can suffer from post traumatic stress disorder and you may be experiencing that. As ade said, the passage of time will make these feelings slowly fade. We don't every want to forget our loved ones, but we also want to have some perspective. Try to remember your mom in better times.

    I often feel that my mom watches over me. I know that she loved me with all her heart and that she made a lot of sacrifices for me when I was young. Don't discount the idea that life goes on, even if we can't prove it. Life holds many mysteries, and there's little that we understand. We can measure and quantify, but there are still things in this world that are mysterious.

  7. #7


    Angelic, I'm so sad to hear about the loss of your mom. It will take time to grieve her loss but all of the emotions you're going through will help you through the grieving process. Everything you've said you're feeling seems perfectly o.k. to me. And I hope you're able to cry too, because that's the best way to grieve the loss of someone you love. And you know ADISC is here to support you too.

  8. #8

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