My mom has died last month of pneumonia and kidney failure, she had diabetes and epelespy and was always in hospital.
Now when I think of mom, I have a vision of looking at her from a distance on the ward she was on and seeing her waiting in the chair to someone to come for her. She was always saying how she is going to go home on her last ever visit in hospital 2 weeks before she died.
I feel that now I am starting to try to get things back to normal and now my dad has said that me and him were going to get a house together along with his friend, I feel like I have left her behind at hospital!
I can imagine her just sat there waiting and waiting wondering why nobody is coming for her. I am not sure if I am like this because I never saw my mom dead but I did see her last moments. I feel so guilty because we havn't seen her in over a month and I feel that she is waiting for me. I think I still think she is alive and we have abandoned her, we have had a funeral and cremated her but I am thinking different thoughts.
I don't think I will ever get over this, I just feel so guilty that I have left her but she's dead as far as I know!