I have been telling the haters about ABDLism and how it is not connected to pedophilaia or mental illness and how behind the diapers is another human being who hopefully works and puts his contribution to society. One you tuber called a freak and a bitch and told me to stop pissing myself and sucking on things.
Whilst another called me a f#cking bitch and told me I would of been committed and he would of raised me properly.
The raising me properly comment brought back some unpleasant memories of my parents both in my dreams and in real life, shouting at me, swearing, saying how disgraceful I was and slapping me. I can hear my parents shouting the comments in my head as I read them.
I had dreams when I paralysed and my parents were shouting me, when there screams got louder and louder and I couldn't move a muscle, they burst into my room with angry faces! Another one was one where my mom kept shouting and screaming at me for no reason whatsoever. Another one was my dad kept slapping repeatedly. One was when my mom even tried to literally stab me in the back!
This never happened but in real life I have actually been slapped, had a plate smashed over my head, been swore at, told that they regret it by mom but in the other hand they never properly physically abused me, they got angry quickly with me because I was autistic and very young. They did do some mother and fatherly things with me like sew things together, play together, read stories and cuddle and go on trips out.
I had a very confusing childhood, it was one extreme to another due to me not knowing right from wrong. I loved them dearly even though that went on, although when I got older they became my friends and not so much mother and father. I always loved them but I feel like I can't forgive them for what they did to me! I don't hate them, I just fear them. My parents never did little kids.
Now my mom has died (the dreams were worst with mom), my dad and I have become close and I regret having the dreams, they have been less but I feel I will have one again soon. They don't happen everyday but they occur every now and again.
How can I forgive them for what they did to me? I proberly need to see somebody but I am going to feel guilty for telling them about mom and dad and also the fact that they are not like that anymore will confuse them. What can I do?