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Thread: Is it wrong to be afraid to say what I think?

  1. #1

    Unhappy Is it wrong to be afraid to say what I think?

    Hello everyone, Anyway I am afraid to say what I think for fear of offending people, and I want everyone to like me, and I rather have peace than an argument, which is what I feel all the time. How do I get over that?

  2. #2


    I feel that you should not be afraid to speak your mind, but at the same time there are certain people you cannot speak freely to. I think the important thing to nail down when talking to anyone is how open they are and how likely they are to get offended by harmless comments or specific subjects. You can never please everyone so I think it is silly to go silent for fear of who might be offended instead of speaking you mind at the right times and having normal conversation. Its also important to learn how to defuse an argument before it turns ugly or unproductive. If you can tell that a person is more likely to get angry than see your side of a narrative then its best to just end the conversation.

  3. #3


    Within a life course, there's many things that could be a clash between us and others. These problem are not unusual, because everyone has different ideas and principles, we are also not entitled to impose the will of others to follow what we do. But some of the problems posed by those around us is certainly nothing to disturb us and others do not.

    This actually are associated with pride, we feel that whatever we do feels like hurting others Because we feel we are the best, so with small mistakes we could immediately felt guilty, fix the habbits now, whatever we think and do is always considered wrong, and there is also considered true by the others. Besides that, you also do not ever intend to please everyone, because it will never be.
    Everyone has their votes respectively.

    So this is the statement from some people:
    "Trying to please everyone is a recipe for stress, misery and frustration. Be yourself. It'll be good to know who's down with that." -Unknown.

    "You can't please everyone. When you're too focused on living up to other people's standarts, you aren't spending enough time raising your own. Some people may whisper, complain and judge. But for the most part, it's all in your head. People care less about your actions than you think. Why? They have their own problems!"
    -Kris carr

    Thank you

  4. #4


    Quote Originally Posted by KittyninjaW View Post
    Hello everyone, Anyway I am afraid to say what I think for fear of offending people, and I want everyone to like me, and I rather have peace than an argument, which is what I feel all the time. How do I get over that?
    I think it's only human nature that we all want to be liked or loved by everyone. We all want to be 'that person' who gets along with everybody. You're not alone in feeling that way.

    I think the truth is that we are a very diverse group of people here, much like the world itself, and there will always be people who have different opinions than our own. That doesn't make your opinion any less valid than that of anyone else who posts here. People can certainly disagree with you, however that doesn't give them the right to be disrespectful to you. We all have the right to be offended by another person's perspective, however that doesn't give us the right to be disrespectful to that person. That is what the 'report' button is for.

    Everyone on this site has value. We all have something to contribute, so please, don't sell yourself short on how you can help another individual. Don't minimize your own contributions and don't underestimate the difference you can make to someone here. We all have our own unique stories and they can be valuable to someone here. We can all learn from each other, and we can learn from you.

    If only there was a world where we all just agreed with each other, where we didn't have to fear that we were offending someone. If that were the case, we wouldn't need a site like Adisc where we're free to be unique, we wouldn't have witnessed a civil rights movement, we wouldn't have fought for same-sex marriages, just to avoid offending people who didn't share those ideals. Besides, if we all agreed on everything and there was no discord or debate, we'd be a pretty boring group.

    We all have a common unity around diapers here, however, when you put that aside, we are an extremely diverse group of individuals with different cultures, education, orientations, political and social beliefs. It would be pretty impossible to expect or even hope to agree with everybody here. It's part of our human nature to have our differences and disagree with each other. And we can do that with respect and appreciation of other perspectives that are different than our own. I think most of us here do that reasonably well, but certainly, we can all learn from one another and help each other as best we can..

    Remember: Your own story is unique. Your voice is important and your experience is worth sharing with other members. Adisc is a safe place to be. You should not feel bullied here, nor should you fear offending people for having expressed yourself. So please, don't silence that voice.
    Last edited by Starrunner; 27-Jul-2016 at 03:42.

  5. #5


    1) Does not matter what you say some one some where will get offended.

    2) There is the right way to speak your peace.
    a. Use I statements, i.e. I feel that this is.........
    b. Be respectful in your response and expect people to be respectful in return.

    3) This is the hardest part for me and I have been working on it for 54 years. Keep your mouth filter on at all times.

    To thy own self be true! Not saying something because of fear of the outcome is not a good thing.

  6. #6


    I was going to flippantly say, "You'll begin to speak your mind freely once you get into your 60s, but then I read all the good advise and felt guilty.

    For years, I tried not to create waves because I hate confrontation, but as I've gotten older, I've learned to stand up for myself and speak my mind. This is in real life, face to face with real living people, not on line. But I would also say that you have to choose your battles and decide what is significantly important and what isn't, because I let 99 percent of the things that confound me, pass. You also have to make a judgement, based on whether the person you're talking too is capable of understanding what you have to say. Many people aren't.

    My wife is in poor health, and when the medical profession doesn't deal effectively with and for her, I become her advocate and in those situations, I will speak my mind. I'm almost always calm, collected and polite, but there are times one has to be confrontational when someone's well being hangs in the balance.

    There have been a few times on the job that I have told someone off. It has always been in a situation where I was not being respected, and that's something I will stand up to. I do have a line in the sand. It is a very liberal line, and modestly drawn, but at the same time, if it is crossed, the person will know about it.

    On this site, we are a support group so I always try to be kind and understanding. If someone offends me or simply annoys me, I don't respond, rather than provoke an argument, because those kind of arguments are almost always pointless and useless. By the next day, I've completely forgotten about it anyway, so it couldn't have been very important.

  7. #7


    "Even if there is something you want to say, there are times when it's better off that you don't say it." -Jō Kido

  8. #8


    Quote Originally Posted by KittyninjaW View Post
    How do I get over that?
    I think this is the real trick of your question. The fact that you're asking how to get over something means that you're looking back at your past actions and feeling regret. You didn't do what you wanted, you didn't get the result that you wanted, and you wish you could have acted differently.

    I think that identifying those times you've felt regret and why is where you should focus. The broad question about whether and how one ought to speak their mind is nearly unanswerable. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. It varies by how well one is able to speak their mind, the status of both the speaker and the listener, and a million other factors from how much energy one has on a given day to how nice the weather is making everyone feel.

    So let's look at your situation. What situations came up where you felt like you held back and why did you do it? If you don't know why (you might not, it's hard to figure out) then instead tell us as much as you can remember about the people involved. Who were they, what jobs did they have, how were they related to you, what were you all speaking, why did you disagree with them and so forth. Change names to protect the innocent, of course, we don't want anybody's real identity getting outed here, but role and position is important.

  9. #9


    I wish I had some real deep answer like everyone else has, but its 3:30 in the morning so I'll just be blunt with my answer to this question.

    I used to be like that, want everyone to like me, not want arguments (I still dislike arguments but that's neither here nor there) And I was overly concerned about offending people so on and so forth.

    I still feel concern when talking to people in a. . . intimate(?) setting, such as in a private chat like steam or skype. I'm overly concerned that I'll say something wrong or do something wrong and the person I'm talking to will get upset. There is a way to get over that fear though, something I've been working on for myself.

    Here goes:
    People are going to get offended. At some point or another someone, somewhere, will be offended by something you say. It's a fact, scientifically, it's impossible to not offend anyone. Someone will always find issue with something you say or do at some point in your life, you just kinda have to accept it, as sucky as it sounds. The best advice I can give you is if you think you're going to be offensive in what you want to say or do, stop and think to yourself "Will this come across offensive to the person I'm saying it to?" If the answer to that question is yes, think about what you want to say and phrase it in a non-offensive way. Usually that works for me. . . that said I usually start a conversation with people saying "I'm really socially awkward and I'm overly afraid I'll say or do something wrong." So there's that. . . But at some point someone will get offended, and to be honest, that's their problem, not yours. Don't worry about it, some people can be mean like that and it's just part of life, that said if what you said or did was actually offensive then yeah, but if you try to avoid it then I doubt there is really anything more to be done but ignore the offended people. I ignore them and I seem to be doing just fine lol.

    In fact I wouldn't be surprised if someone gets offended by me saying its the offended person's problem. It's life, we can't change it, so make the best of the best parts and well. . . ignore the offended people lol.

  10. #10


    "He who dares not offend cannot be honest." - Thomas Paine

    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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