Rejected for being abdl: My sad dating story

I started an online dating profile I got a lot of attention. I decided to be honest with 1 of my many suitors. I told him that I was ABDL and what it means. I sent him a link to Bambinodiapers.com where I am a regular customer. He never wrote me back. I think he may have blocked me. I felt embarrassed a little but more disappointed. I kind of knew my fetish might be rejected by guys. :wallbash: But when it actually happens it makes me realize: Dating or Diapers?:dunno: I can't be forced to choose. So for now, I chose diapers.:laugh: I disconnected my dating profile for now. I can reinstate it anytime I want. Thoughts?

Well, I guess I'd say that if you feel compelled to bring diapers up right from the get-go, maybe add ABDL to your profile and then you won't suffer this particular setback again.

My own rather simplistic theory is: The earlier in a relationship that you bring something up, the bigger a deal it will seem.

So what you did might be fine...if what you're trying to say is: This is a really big deal.

And that's easy enough to understand. We're naturally prone to extrapolating a person's whole being from whatever we happen to know about them, and if that isn't much, or is something we perceive as negative, then it expands like crazy to fill the void, and becomes a horribly distorted mockery of the actual person. So my advice would be: If you want the best chances, get to know a person really well before you introduce something that most people would consider odd or troublesome. Next to what that person has already learned about you, an interest in diapers will inevitably be a smaller thing than if it's flashing right on your profile, or comes up in the first email exchange. That's not to say it won't still be an issue and something that will have to be worked through, but it stands a better chance of being recoverable.

But hey! You've probably got nothing to lose by creating a profile that mentions ABDL. Yeah, the glut of male ABDLs might require you to filter a tidal wave of responses, but you might spot a diamond in the rough somewhere in there. For males seeking ABDL females, the odds of success are a bit different.

I agree with the previous post. And it's too bad that that happened to you. There is that right person out there somewhere, and just might take some time to find them. Best of luck in your search and we're here for you to talk to.

extremecomfy said:

I started an online dating profile I got a lot of attention. I decided to be honest with 1 of my many suitors. I told him that I was ABDL and what it means. I sent him a link to Bambinodiapers.com where I am a regular customer. He never wrote me back. I think he may have blocked me. I felt embarrassed a little but more disappointed. I kind of knew my fetish might be rejected by guys. :wallbash: But when it actually happens it makes me realize: Dating or Diapers?:dunno: I can't be forced to choose. So for now, I chose diapers.:laugh: I disconnected my dating profile for now. I can reinstate it anytime I want. Thoughts?

Click to expand...

So sorry to hear that not a lot of guys have open enough minds... I go through the same thing when trying to do dating with women I've been through it 3 times they find out or you tell them and it's instant rejection city I wish I could find someone who would understand........

I think you guys are right. I should never have mentioned it. It's just such a huge part of my life but I think when I reinstate my online account, and I have a sexual partner for awhile, he may laugh about it instead of run for the hills. I love big men. Can't give them up either. I am tall woman, multiracial, tan skin, soft curls, 6'2". average build. White teeth. Cute haircut. Short natural curly. Plump lips. Just explaining why I get sooo many contacts even though I am 42. People say I look much better than others. I guess, but I remain humble. Really turned on by football player Tom Brady. He is like the sexiest man alive.

extremecomfy said:

I think you guys are right. I should never have mentioned it. It's just such a huge part of my life but I think when I reinstate my online account, and I have a sexual partner for awhile, he may laugh about it instead of run for the hills. I love big men. Can't give them up either. I am tall woman, multiracial, tan skin, soft curls, 6'2". average build. White teeth. Cute haircut. Short natural curly. Plump lips. Just explaining why I get sooo many contacts even though I am 42. People say I look much better than others. I guess, but I remain humble. Really turned on by football player Tom Brady. He is like the sexiest man alive.

Click to expand...

I would wait for a bit, when you do get back into it and start dating again I would attempt to find someone who is open minded and not afraid to try new things...you sound lovely btw and yes Tom is pretty hot

You might also try kwink.com that way being abdl is implied from the outset.

Is it usual on a dating site to mention all of one's fetishes, kinks, etc. up front? I'd think that it's assumed that nobody is just a plain "kiss, plain sex, done" kind of person when it comes to sexuality and that at some point people share their particulars.

Ah I get not everything is for everyone and the very least he could do is explain if he was no longer interested but maybe chalk these knocks up to people thinking they can leave their manners behind their keyboard.

Don't give up!

Mostly on kink related sites.

I kind of see it from both sides. From the thread starer's point, why not just be upfront about it so as to not waste time for what will likely be the inevitable rejection after the big reveal. From the other side, as Cottontail has stated, why not just let a relationship blossom naturally over time. As both sides get closer, perhaps there will be more acceptance, tolerance or even curiosity. From a male point of view, I think it is nearly impossible to find a women to get into a diaper fetish (or at least accept if not willing to partake in it). I would tend to agree that you likely should get to know someone for awhile and let the relationship build before bringing the diaper wearing up. Falling in love takes time and once you reach a certain point, often many things (idiosyncrasies, etc.) might be more acceptable and the couple can possibly work through it together vs. pulling off the band aid so t speak and revealing what is underneath without much warning. Just my thought here to raise your odds of acceptance if going on a mainstream dating site.

I agree, on mainstream dating that you hold off on sharing kinks until you've gotten to know each other better. You might find that your not really into each other for other reasons, or that the relationship just may never develop to needing to discuss our kinks.

I think that when you're ready to become intimate is around the best time.

date a switch - someone who likes both roles - there are more males into this than females so it seems. If you are after a male you have plenty to choose from, but as a male I have very few females to choose from.

Lots to choose from if your looking for males. A quick check on Kwink.com found 72 men aged 37-47 (+ or - 5 years from extremecomfy's age) that have been on in the last week. Most of us guys would be happy to date you.

dlissexy said:

date a switch - someone who likes both roles - there are more males into this than females so it seems. If you are after a male you have plenty to choose from, but as a male I have very few females to choose from.

Click to expand...

it does make me wonder though - are there really fewer women into kinks, (or this one in particular) OR is it just a social issue of men being more open about it?

It's not one or nothing, you just need to find the right guy who will accept it and not see diapers any different than underwear. You just gotta keep looking.