I've these time where I feel like my own life is glued in place. I question why I don't quit my job and quickly think about how I need the money. I know I keep coming back to this, but I can't help asking. I put my skills on a list and it's extremely small. I wind up depressed after doing this. I'm not going to lie I often think about suicide. I haven't been done anything to myself, but the thought is always there. It's either that or rage destroying everything around me. I've given up on the idea of schools of any kind. I've lost patience with a lot of things by this point. Writing this is making me mad, but I controlling myself.