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Thread: Shackled

  1. #1

    Default Shackled

    I've these time where I feel like my own life is glued in place. I question why I don't quit my job and quickly think about how I need the money. I know I keep coming back to this, but I can't help asking. I put my skills on a list and it's extremely small. I wind up depressed after doing this. I'm not going to lie I often think about suicide. I haven't been done anything to myself, but the thought is always there. It's either that or rage destroying everything around me. I've given up on the idea of schools of any kind. I've lost patience with a lot of things by this point. Writing this is making me mad, but I controlling myself.

  2. #2


    Not knowing you I need to ask, what is the extent of your education? The modern world, especially in advanced countries, demand advanced education if you want to get a good paying job. I always wanted to be a church organist when I was a kid, so I went to a famous, east coast music conservatory that specializes in church music. I worked extremely hard, especially in my major which was organ performance. After I graduated, I became the organist/accompanist to the largest Methodist church in Ohio. The point I'm making is that there is a correlation between education and employment.

    When I was a young adult, there were millions of high paying jobs in industry. The state of Ohio had several plants that built cars and trucks, and I knew many people who were making a lot of money just turning a few bolts on the assembly line. But those days are mostly gone. As you know, everything has gone high tech, and to find gainful employment, you have to have something to bring to the market place. It's a tough world and I don't envy you or anyone your age.

    Two of our kids have their Master's degree and our daughter has her Doctorate. They all have reasonably good paying jobs in education. One is a teacher and coaches football, one is a principle and the other a department head at a very large university. To go forward takes hard work and study, reading, research and a commitment to excellence.

    After spending a lifetime giving organ performances and concerts, I'm now expanding as a concert pianist, and this at the age of 68. I practice several hours every day and I'm loving it. Find something that is your passion and take one class at a time, if that's what it takes. Become excited again with whatever interests you. Get on a blog site that discusses your passion. Inject something positive into your life and run with it if you can.

    I understand your frustration because I've been there, both when I was young and when I was older. I've started over several times and sometimes it takes exactly that. We usually get ahead only when we take risks, so that may be in your future. I wish you well in this. Remember that Rome wasn't built in a day, so give yourself a stretch of time. With hard work you can do this.

  3. #3


    Only high school with a small amount of college. I've lost interest in all of my hobbies. I'm honestly not sure what I want from life anymore. I would like a job that doesn't seem like it could be done by just by anyone.

    I'm not really good at anything.

    This is the list of things I'm good at doing.

    I can think of ideas for new things, but lack any art skills.
    Minor computer skills.
    Good memory recall.

    That's it.

    I suddenly want a hug.

  4. #4


    Hi, kryanashford,

    I'm very sorry for how you're feeling right now and hope you feel better. I would like to ask a few questions; What's shackling you? What's holding you back? Why is it taking so long to reach your goals, whatever those goals may be?

    If you look back on your own posts in this thread, I think you've already identified some very significant barriers, and there may be some issues that need to be addressed prior to moving forward.

    + 'I wind up depressed'

    + 'I often think about suicide... the thought is always there'

    + 'It's either that or rage destroying everything around me'

    + 'Writing this is making me mad'

    + 'I've lost interest in all my hobbies'

    I can only imagine how all this is making you feel, having to live with this level of stress each day. It's not easy to get ahead in life when you are living off such anxiety and negative feelings. It would be incredibly difficult to focus on finding another job when you are suffering from such persistent feelings of depression and frequent thoughts of suicide. There also appears to be symptoms of anger management and self esteem problems because of the ongoing frustration due to your current situation. This is not a healthy way to live.

    My own feeling is that you need to deal with the underlying causes of depression and anger before you are in a position to decide how to change your life. In order to make lifechanging decisions, you need to ensure that your mental health is stable and that you are feeling secure in yourself and your abilities. When you're vacillating between suicidal thoughts and anger, then there is a serious problem. These are all negative emotions and living this way can only be harmful to both your mental and physical health, which in turn sets you back from reaching your goals.

    Take a step backward for a moment. I'm glad to see you recognize the need for a steady income and that you're not making any rash decisions to quit. Although, it's not the best answer, it is important to remember that there are a lot of people in the same position, people who don't enjoy their work but are dependant upon it for a paycheque. The sad reality is that those people make up the majority of the working population, so at least you are not alone in that respect. Don't pack it in unless you have something else lined up.

    There are number of options that may help in the short term. I don't think it could hurt to be getting your resume out there and networking with other people and companies. Also, if there are low rates of employment where you live, then it may be worth considering relocating to another area where there are better possibilities. You've been looking for awhile now, so maybe the risk is worth considering.

    In your reply to dogboy, you said 'I'm not really good at anything.' My thoughts, whenever I hear someone say this is this: Everybody's good at something, you just haven't discovered what it is yet. When I went back to school, my plan was to go into psychology and counselling. I ended up in a non-profit advocacy agency working as an advocate for people facing eviction. It wasn't my plan, nor anything I would have expressed an interest in, I simply discovered the work through a student placement and I found my calling with it. Everyone has skills and talents, you just need to find yours and focus on how to use them. Find something you love, that you can see yourself doing in twenty years time, and you will have found your passion. Is there something specific like that you want to do with your life? You're still at a young age and there's certainly time to develop a plan on how to get there. For the work you're doing right now, are there night courses that could complement your work and allow for advancement, or at the very least a lateral move to a different company? In my community there a number of non-profit employment services that can help identify your skills and match them up with potential employers or educational opportunities. Check them out if there are any where you live.

    Having said all that, my main concern is that another job may help for awhile in reducing the stress, anxiety and depression, however I am concerned that even a change in employment will not eliminate what you are feeling today. I know enough about you to know that you have many wonderful qualities, including boundless energy, creativity, and you've been a valuable member to this site. I'm worried that your best qualities may get consumed or overtaken by all these negative feelings which can be harmful to the health of any individual.

    So please, consider speaking to your doctor or a professional about how you're feeling. Sometimes these symptoms can be caused by physiological imbalances which can be treated effectively. You are dealing with some very difficult and negative feelings, and no one should have to go through it alone. Please consider getting some help for it. If you want to get the best out of your life, then you have to be at your best to go after it. The rest really does come in time.
    Last edited by Starrunner; 21-Jul-2016 at 18:24.

  5. #5


    I don't know if it's skill, but I'm hyper sensitive. I can brake sounds apart in my head. The slightly change in the air let me know when someone is near. I do love music. Whatever I choose to go for shouldn't involve too many people. They give me headaches. (Large crowds) I enjoy doing weird experiments. (Like what will happen if I do this?) I've gotten good night's sleep and feel calm again. The stress has been getting to me lately because I've been working for two weeks straight without any days off. Working on a third week now. I've been left in charge of that horrible place the entire time. Enough negative I want to look up again.

  6. #6

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