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Thread: I apologise

  1. #1

    Default I apologise

    I've been cynical, rude, and sarcastic. I've just not been sure how to cope. I know people have worse issues and I just keep on pushing people away and I'm sorry.

    I don't expect those of you who are mad at my venting/raving posts to forgive me or even like me and I wouldn't if I were you. Maybe I shouldn't be so quick to dismiss venting... I have to do it better than I have. My only complain is that some people say I just make excuses and don't take advice.... I'm stubborn and I'm very much hard to tell what to do. I just want to be myself but I don't even know who I am anymore. I am sorry if you feel your advice ever fell on deaf ears. I need to keep on working on myself until I am finally better. I've reconsidered medication... I don't want to be a zombie but if it helps it helps. I've tried many medications that didn't help or made things worse. You all deserve better from me and I will be better. I need to start focusing on positive and stop absorbing only the negative. It all makes sense as to why people avoid me. I'm too dang negative. I hope all of you get better too and that your problems aren't as bad as they are now soon.

  2. #2

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    My apologize, i really think you should meet the doctor and Professionals to deal with, i'm so sorry if you think my post cannot support you, hopefully you can find your own peace on life, God are always with you!

    Thanks
    -Max

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by MaxToddler View Post
    My apologize, i really think you should meet the doctor and Professionals to deal with, i'm so sorry if you think my post cannot support you, hopefully you can find your own peace on life, God are always with you!

    Thanks
    -Max
    I dunno I guess we'll see what happens. Your posts have been nothing but helpful, I'm the issue not you, don't worry. I'll figure it all out sooner or later.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by Premetheus View Post
    I dunno I guess we'll see what happens. Your posts have been nothing but helpful, I'm the issue not you, don't worry. I'll figure it all out sooner or later.
    Thanks for you mean it's not me, I never thought my post was helpful or not, but clearly it shows that there are still people in this world who still care about you, certainly, may not be everyone hate you.
    I believe that, Adam.

    -Max

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by MaxToddler View Post
    Thanks for you mean it's not me, I never thought my post was helpful or not, but clearly it shows that there are still people in this world who still care about you, certainly, may not be everyone hate you.
    I believe that, Adam.

    -Max
    Believe me if I was anyone else who cared about me, I'd be sick of me too. I think when you left the visitors message something in my brain clicked. I am finally starting to see how many people care and why they are so upset with me... The things I've said must be killing them. Pardon me whilst I cry and rethink my entire life. You are helpful, kind, and amazing as an ADISC member. Thank you. I pray God richly blesses you and pours out his blessings upon you.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by Premetheus View Post
    Believe me if I was anyone else who cared about me, I'd be sick of me too. I think when you left the visitors message something in my brain clicked. I am finally starting to see how many people care and why they are so upset with me... The things I've said must be killing them. Pardon me whilst I cry and rethink my entire life. You are helpful, kind, and amazing as an ADISC member. Thank you. I pray God richly blesses you and pours out his blessings upon you.
    Thank you Adam, you know that i was one of people who cared you, i accept your prayers and sorry that i was not professional to help you.

    Thanks
    -Max

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by MaxToddler View Post
    Thank you Adam, you know that i was one of people who cared you, i accept your prayers and sorry that i was not professional to help you.

    Thanks
    -Max
    You have helped more than any professional I've talked to, any medicine I've taken, I haven't smiled on my own for years... I've lost count. All of my smiles are involentary and they make me not like myself. I will change and you must understand... I am hurting and I've just finally broken down and truly let my mind be free. I'm listening to all of you and you broke the dam keeping me from hearing that people love and care for me. I just feel so suicidal and it makes me hate myself. I just want to be alive and live life without all of this pain... the tears make me feel better. I pray I make even more progress. Thank you.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by Premetheus View Post
    You have helped more than any professional I've talked to, any medicine I've taken, I haven't smiled on my own for years... I've lost count. All of my smiles are involentary and they make me not like myself. I will change and you must understand... I am hurting and I've just finally broken down and truly let my mind be free. I'm listening to all of you and you broke the dam keeping me from hearing that people love and care for me. I just feel so suicidal and it makes me hate myself. I just want to be alive and live life without all of this pain... the tears make me feel better. I pray I make even more progress. Thank you.
    Stay alive and, stick with it - Adam,

    I haven't been to my own desired standards as of late yet, I'm still concerned for you - I believe that I was once as you are now (or as you have been)...

    No-one is sick of you except, perhaps you - in my own experience with medications in the past, being normal didn't feel normal... you've got to give it some time, get feed-back from others and, acclimate a bit... perhaps 2 - 3 months at a go... obviously very adverse reactions would need immediate attention... feeling dulled down or, like a zombie, is a temporary thing until you get the balance sorted - If your professionals (or the meds) aren't working; you need to be able to tell those people and get proper adjustments...

    You will need some determination of will too - refuse to loose, failure is not an option - that is a choice that you must make...

    "I will survive!"

    I've made it 27-years past where you are now; I couldn't even conceive that I would even make it to 30-years old - I'm approaching 18-years past that now... I wouldn't trade it for anything...

    I've frustrated a few people along the way... some are still with me now (some have returned) - It's all a part of it... It's your life, live it ... there's much for you to do still... you'll find it...

    -Marka (like Adam, only different)

  9. #9

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    Like the new avatar.

    As I've said before, better to vent here where it doesn't damage anything in the real world.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by Marka View Post
    Stay alive and, stick with it - Adam,

    I haven't been to my own desired standards as of late yet, I'm still concerned for you - I believe that I was once as you are now (or as you have been)...

    No-one is sick of you except, perhaps you - in my own experience with medications in the past, being normal didn't feel normal... you've got to give it some time, get feed-back from others and, acclimate a bit... perhaps 2 - 3 months at a go... obviously very adverse reactions would need immediate attention... feeling dulled down or, like a zombie, is a temporary thing until you get the balance sorted - If your professionals (or the meds) aren't working; you need to be able to tell those people and get proper adjustments...

    You will need some determination of will too - refuse to loose, failure is not an option - that is a choice that you must make...

    "I will survive!"

    I've made it 27-years past where you are now; I couldn't even conceive that I would even make it to 30-years old - I'm approaching 18-years past that now... I wouldn't trade it for anything...

    I've frustrated a few people along the way... some are still with me now (some have returned) - It's all a part of it... It's your life, live it ... there's much for you to do still... you'll find it...

    -Marka (like Adam, only different)
    I appreciate the sentiment, you've always had a good eye for catching who I really am as a person. Maybe it's because I'm so similar that you just know how it goes. I find it's pretty rare that anyone understands me, even when I don't understand myself. For me it has never been a matter of can or cannot make it.... this has been the most previlent question on my mind, "Will I make it? I know I can, but will I?"

    - - - Updated - - -



    Quote Originally Posted by Maxx View Post
    Like the new avatar.

    As I've said before, better to vent here where it doesn't damage anything in the real world.
    Thanks, I figured it is only true so why not make it my avatar? As for venting, I just get negative feedback that some apparently feel strong enough about to tell me, when honestly, critisism is the worst way to reach me. I don't take it well and I often get upset. Now.... giving advice without so much as making me look bad? Without making me feel worse than I do? That advice I listen to. I've started to really want to be different because of this site, my friends, and family.

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