Friends with IC

Hi everyone! I know most of you probably don’t know me yet, but I’m gonna try to be a bit more active now that these last few, busy weeks are behind me. Also... I tried searching, but I'm not sure if a similar topic has already been posted. Sorry if this is a repeat!

So over the past month, I have “come out” about my issues to two new people, both of whom (whether they were being totally truthful or just trying to be nice) told me about their own ic issues.

One is a guy I’ve just recently started dating, and I told him about myself the second time we hung out (I typically would have waited a bit longer, but it was unclear how fast we were moving, and I didn’t want there to be any surprises had we ended up moving into the bedroom). He was extremely accepting, to the point of it really just being a non-issue, and then he told me about how he’s been epileptic his whole life, and regularly wets (and on rare occasions messes) himself when he has seizures.

The other was an old high school friend who recently moved to my city. We were hanging out at his new place when nature called, and rather than awkwardly bailing or trying to come up with some weird excuse to go into his bathroom with my backpack, I just told him straight out about my issues. He too was very cool about it, and after talking a bit (post-change, of course) he told me that he apparently wets his bed about 2-3 times a month, and has done so pretty much his whole life.

Now, their issues aren't anywhere close to the level I deal with (neither uses protection or anything), but it was nice to have that rare sort of connection with someone else in real life. Has anyone else here–for lack of a better word–confessed about their incontinence to either friends or family, only to have them reveal they also have similar problems?

EDIT: Also, sorry for such a long post. It's hard for me to keep it short and concise

I have been more open to some of my friends about my bedwetting and occasional overactive bladder (i don't wear during the day but if something makes me laugh a lot I pee). One friend I know always posts on her Facebook about Crohn's disease, I sent her a message about how I admire her for being so open and I then said I wish I was open like that with my condition. She then asked what my condition is? I told her I am a bedwetter and have occasional accidents if i laugh too much. She ended up opening up to me saying she has incontinence and uses protection 24/7. I never would have thought she wears diapers. Her and I are better friends now because of it. She has told me incontinence is a hard condition to be open about.

Most of my friends know I am incontinent and wear nappies all the time and are cool with it.

I haven't opened up to anyone except my fiancée about my IC, as I guess I'm just afraid of changing (no pun intended) our dynamic. I don't want their opinions or their misconceptions entering into it, although I guess I should put more trust in my friends.

The other side of it is that I don't want friends trying to make special concessions for me due to my incontinence, when all I really need is a bigger garbage can haha.

This all may change though, as a bunch of us are heading to a conference next weekend, and it may be close quarters - I might have to come clean. Thanks for the inspiring story though, it helps

crowza – That's cool! I mean, not for her–I know Chron's is very difficult to live with–but that's pretty awesome y'all got to open up to each other like that! My old roommate has IBS and had 1 or 2 accidents while we lived together. I always thought about offering him a diaper, but obviously that's a bit weird... I did lend him my wipes on a few occasions though

ST50 – It's nice when people are cool about it, huh?

PlotTwist – Maybe it's me reading into things, but I feel like my relationships with the few people I've told have only ever gotten better afterward. For one thing, it's nice not having to stress so much trying to hide it around them, and it also always seems like our friendships become stronger and more open and trusting. I have had one friend who tried to give me "special concessions" though, and that was kind of awkward–just constantly asking me if I'm good, or if I need to take a minute in the bathroom, or whatever have you. I'm always just like... nope, I'll go to the restroom when I need to, thank you very much. Lol. Anyway, good luck with your conference! Let us know if you end up telling them or not

PadsnPullups – Glad you had such a good experience! It can be so cathartic, right? It's so nice talking about it with someone other than your doctor/therapist/parent/etc. Although, I still have yet to meet someone in real life who uses any sort of protection for it (beyond maybe a mattress cover). Really, I have yet to meet anyone else who would even consider themselves "incontinent"... the few I have met only seem to have very rare/inconsistent issues, and see it more as some sort of fluke, rather than a consistent problem to be dealt with.

I went on an "internet expedition" we'll call it at one point looking for some statistics to see how likely it would be for me to find someone else near-ish to my age that has the same problem. Problem is, the way they rate incontinence prevalence in studies is by asking people if they've ever had leakage due to either stress or urge, not if they continuously have this problem. One study showed that as much as 68% of women were classified as "incontinent" due to this method (lol!) and another broke it down into demographics including smoking habits. The numbers actually lead you to conclude that continuing to smoke will make you less likely to develop urge IC. There's lies, damned lies, and statistics.

That said, I think I came to settle on about every 1/200 people roughly have some sort of recurring problem, but I wish I could find the supporting info. The portion of them that doesn't play it risky and actually wears protection I'd imagine is even smaller.

It would be cool if anyone has any better info about this and could share it, though.

PT – Interesting stuff! I haven't gone on such "internet expeditions," but now I'm really curious to read more about this. I'm gonna try and do some digging around myself!

I don't go around telling people about incontience, they don't need to know! Although I know of a girl that described her trip to the bathroom in quite a graphic way! I didn't want to know! I am sure your friends don't want to know where you go to the bathroom in and what you do! It's even a awkward moment to tell someone you are going to the toilet! I didn't know, better go in a diaper instead if toilets Rae so awkward!

I'd save that conversation for an issue, I don't see a need to wave a diaper around on a flagpole so to say

Angelic & rennecfox – I guess my group of friends are kind of strange, in the sense that we all tend to be very personal with each other (though thankfully not graphic, like you described, Angelic!). We all know almost everything about everyone’s dating life, their medical woes new and old, their academic struggles and successes, family issues, everything… and there’s certainly no qualms about announcing the need to go to the restroom!

That said, I suppose I do keep it on a slightly-more-than-need-to-know basis, although I’m never extravagant about it, nor would I ever let anyone see anything exposed. I pretty much only share it with roommates, romantic interests (and only if I’ve known them for a while), and very close friends/family; and at least so far, reactions have always been somewhere between simply accepting/empathetic to actually being interested in what my experience has been and how it’s affected my life. I know that’s not something a lot of you would ever want to talk about with anyone outside of your doctor and/or significant other (if even them), but I have always found that it significantly deepens my friendships with those people.

Idk anyway, my original point, I suppose, was if any of you’d ever found out to your surprise that someone you knew also dealt with incontinence.

Well,

I know a couple people that have issues with wetting...stress ic...

Now, I don't go around with a big sign...bit friends I've stayed at, and people that have stayed at my place too know...

I think it would be right about a dozen that I've actually had a conversation with about it...so not a lot of people...

Bigbabybret – I'm pretty much the same way... only friends who I've stayed with and those who have stayed with me/spent a significant amount of time at my house have been told. I'd say I've had the conversation with just over a dozen people–maybe 14-15. This, of course, stretches back to my friends in middle school, some of whom don't necessarily know I still have problems to this day.

I have epilepsy as well as IC and have regained consciousness in strange places with a whole crowd of onlookers to find out I have done more than leak a little , it's usually not a problem as long as you clean yourself up as soon as you can.

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An update from when I said I was going to a conference over the weekend and would be in close quarters with friends. It turns out that my late-planning friends who couldn't get hotel rooms and were going to crash in our space ended up finding other, more comfortable accommodations than our floor, resulting it to just being me and one of my best buddies sharing a room. It actually worked out rather perfect as the first morning he'd woken up before me and gotten ready before I was awake, then woke me up to tell me he was leaving. Had the place to myself to get up, change, and surreptitiously dispose of my diaper. The next morning it was the other way around, where I woke up earlier and was able to do my thing.

He did end up coming back early on the first day JUST as I was about to put my shirt on and gave me a bit of a weird look, later on I discovered the waistband from my diaper had been sticking out a little on one side and you could see blue tapes on white plastic, ugh. I didn't feel so bad as he is one of my closest friends and I had ended up ranting to him at one point months ago when I was dealing with all the urology tests due to my problems. Later on I mentioned it again and had a good talk about how for all the money docs charge, sometimes they don't offer much service in the end, lol. So whereas I didn't necessarily "come clean" about wearing diapers 24/7, he does know I have bladder problems, and I'd be relatively certain he knows I'm not wearing regular boxer shorts. Overall he's a smart guy and will put two and two together to make four, perhaps this may even be the more tactful way to present it to people who can get the clue?