I've never been diagnosed as depressed simply because I can't afford to see a therapist right now but if I ever get my life together its one of the first things I'm going to do.
I've felt depressed since I was about 12 and overtime its only become gradually worse. These last few months though have really been bad for the most part. I constantly belittle myself, give myself reasons why no one would ever need me and why i should just off myself, I have no energy, I cry almost all the time, and yeah the list goes on and on.
I feel like no one in my life really wants to help me. My friends will give me advice but when it comes down to talking it just seems like no one really wants to. Or they just start backing away when I try to or they no longer are interested in helping me.
Even my boyfriend doesn't seem to want to talk to me about it. They all say "you need to talk to someone" but who the fuck can I talk to when no one will even talk to me??
I feel alone, sad, hopeless, worthless, pathetic, and I feel like I'm this cancer that everyone wants to get rid of. I don't know what to do...I've been trying really hard to pick up better coping mechanisms like drawing and writing but right now I just want to cry and sleep. No energy for anything else.
I feel like everyone else would be so much better if I just killed myself. Then they wouldn't have to deal with this parasite that I am. I need help, I'm begging you for it.