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Thread: Fiance and I having "little" Problems

  1. #1

    Default Fiance and I having "little" Problems

    So I opened up to my fiance early on in our relationship and she was wonderfully accepting of my AB side. I had never felt comfortable enough with a partner to actually express this side of myself, and all of my past relationships have been hollow.

    She indulges me in my AB/DL side often enough. Usually once every few weeks after some prodding from me. When I am acting as a little she is super loving and supportive almost always, but there have been a couple of occasions when she gets very freaked out and the fantasy ends abruptly.

    Tonight we talked, after one of these occasions, and she mentioned she is terrified that I will want to be diapered every day eventually. This spurred from my requesting to be changed into a clean diaper after my diaper leaked, which is never fun.
    I have a difficult time describing to her why it is important, for me, to be in my little space for a longer period of time than just a few hours.

    I don't ever want to be in diapers every day or even every week, but when I need it I feel unfulfilled if it's just enough time for 1 wetting and then right back to being an adult.

    Is there anyone who has similar experiences with their significant other? or even anyone who has a similar experience as an AB (only needing it occasionally)
    She, especially, would love to hear from any caregivers out there with similar experiences.

    Thanks everyone for any thoughts

  2. #2
    MarchinBunny

    Default

    I think it's important for a couple to respect one another wishes as long as it doesn't impede on the others wishes. For example, if she only wants to partake in such activities for a short period of time, you need to respect those wishes. If you need more time, then I suggest to do it without involving her.

    I feel like in these situations, if you push too hard for her to do things she doesn't want to, you will eventually ruin your relationship.

    Now on the other hand, if she has issues with you doing it on your own for longer periods of time, then it becomes a sacrifice she is going to have to make (if you can even call it that) because she needs to also respect your wishes and as long as you are not involving her in it, there shouldn't be a problem. Even if you did wear everyday, I don't see why that would concern her if you didn't involve her in it.

    Think of a husband watching sports and the wife isn't interested in sports. Does that mean the husband shouldn't be able to watch sports anymore? No, of course he should be able to. It's ok to do things individually now and then. Both should be able to get their own time to themselves to do things the other may not like to do. I think a healthy relationship is when both can accept these sorts of things. It's also ok to try and get involved now and then.

    The issue becomes when the husband wants the wife to be involved in something she isn't interested in and tries to force it. That is just a disaster waiting to happen. No one likes being nagged to the point of giving in.

  3. #3

    Default

    I'm so sorry you're going through this, OP. While it's true that you can indulge in your AB side on your own, you need to think if that's what you really want. You need to realize that there's a difference between accepting and embracing. You already have a very accepting and understanding partner, even if she isn't into ab/dl stuff as much as you are. Now is the time to ask yourself if you can be content with that for the rest of your life. Have either of you talked about having an open relationship? When two people are compatible in every other way except for specific interests (like ab/dl), this can be a legitimate option. I wish you and your fiance the best, OP, and I hope everything works out.

    -Mommy

  4. #4

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Treehugger View Post
    So I opened up to my fiance early on in our relationship and she was wonderfully accepting of my AB side. I had never felt comfortable enough with a partner to actually express this side of myself, and all of my past relationships have been hollow.

    She indulges me in my AB/DL side often enough. Usually once every few weeks after some prodding from me. When I am acting as a little she is super loving and supportive almost always, but there have been a couple of occasions when she gets very freaked out and the fantasy ends abruptly.

    Tonight we talked, after one of these occasions, and she mentioned she is terrified that I will want to be diapered every day eventually. This spurred from my requesting to be changed into a clean diaper after my diaper leaked, which is never fun.
    I have a difficult time describing to her why it is important, for me, to be in my little space for a longer period of time than just a few hours.

    I don't ever want to be in diapers every day or even every week, but when I need it I feel unfulfilled if it's just enough time for 1 wetting and then right back to being an adult.

    Is there anyone who has similar experiences with their significant other? or even anyone who has a similar experience as an AB (only needing it occasionally)
    She, especially, would love to hear from any caregivers out there with similar experiences.

    Thanks everyone for any thoughts

    Negotiation is key in this! Keep communicating and keep an open dialogue with each other. Respect each other's wants and needs. . Good luck!

  5. #5

    Default

    This is exactly my life right now...almost exactly. When you figure out how to fix it please let me know what to do so I can fix it to!

  6. #6

    Default

    If I were to fantasize about having a lot more little time, I would want a mommy who changes my diaper on a regular basis, feeds me, plays with me, etc. My wife doesn't do any of these things, but she fulfills me in many other ways and I love her deeply. She accepts my diaper wearing and to a lesser extent, my little desires, but she does not participate (well, she actually has on a few occasions). And, that's okay with me. I don't want another person to be my mommy because they aren't my wife. Everyone gives up something in a relationship and gets something. There are small ways she can "mother" you without going into full mommy - baby boy mode. My wife does these things all the time. It may be making me meals, feeding me fruit, washing me in the shower, reading to me, asking you to do little things to help her out, etc.

    If she is freaking out about where you are going with this, I would heed that warning.

  7. #7

    Default Thanks all

    This is all sound advice, and I definitely recognize how lucky I am. We make such a great team in every way and this seems to be the only thing that causes a rift. Brabbit I think you are right, I need to remember who is making the sacrifice here, and communicate when I need that time.
    While an open relationship would be a good solution, it just isn't who we are as a couple.
    Thank you to everyone for being so straight forward and I agree, I think I need to stress less about this and enjoy what time I have. Honestly, this has been such a stressful week for both of us and we both needed to blow off steam. I am a very lucky guy, and I need to remember that.

  8. #8
    MarchinBunny

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Treehugger View Post
    This is all sound advice, and I definitely recognize how lucky I am. We make such a great team in every way and this seems to be the only thing that causes a rift. Brabbit I think you are right, I need to remember who is making the sacrifice here, and communicate when I need that time.
    While an open relationship would be a good solution, it just isn't who we are as a couple.
    Thank you to everyone for being so straight forward and I agree, I think I need to stress less about this and enjoy what time I have. Honestly, this has been such a stressful week for both of us and we both needed to blow off steam. I am a very lucky guy, and I need to remember that.
    Glad I could help =^.^=

  9. #9

    Default

    I see this a lot. Relationships formed where one partner isn't into this, but is willing to tolerate it. This is really dangerous: I think a lot of AB/DLs see the initial, "I'm okay with that!" in the early stages of a relationship as them being out of the water, when it's anything but.

    It always ends up being implied that it's "something that has to be tolerated", and the partner wants to limit that time or even grows hostile against it after enough time in the relationship passes. Makes sense... the longer you're with someone, the more the initial glow wears off, and the more things start to bother you.

    This would terrify me, because I do wear 24/7. I think for people like us (24/7 wearers), our only real option is to find someone also into the lifestyle. I know for straight people that's basically impossible; and even for gay people it's a huge limiting factor. But unfortunately for us, this seems to be just about the most important aspect of a relationship. Not because we place so much emphasis on it, but because people not into it do. They just can't seem to come to terms with this for whatever reason.

    I hope everything works out for you guys though!

  10. #10
    MarchinBunny

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by goten View Post
    I see this a lot. Relationships formed where one partner isn't into this, but is willing to tolerate it. This is really dangerous: I think a lot of AB/DLs see the initial, "I'm okay with that!" in the early stages of a relationship as them being out of the water, when it's anything but.

    It always ends up being implied that it's "something that has to be tolerated", and the partner wants to limit that time or even grows hostile against it after enough time in the relationship passes. Makes sense... the longer you're with someone, the more the initial glow wears off, and the more things start to bother you.

    This would terrify me, because I do wear 24/7. I think for people like us (24/7 wearers), our only real option is to find someone also into the lifestyle. I know for straight people that's basically impossible; and even for gay people it's a huge limiting factor. But unfortunately for us, this seems to be just about the most important aspect of a relationship. Not because we place so much emphasis on it, but because people not into it do. They just can't seem to come to terms with this for whatever reason.

    I hope everything works out for you guys though!
    I think you are right generally, but only up to a certain extent. You don't necessarily need to find someone whom is also into it, you just need to find someone who doesn't care that you are. As long as you don't involve them in it, they chances of them getting annoyed after the initial acceptance is unlikely.

    Now for some people, you are right, even if they initial accepted it still might bother them. However, I find you can usually tell if that is the case.

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