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Thread: Seeing things more clearly than I have in a long time

  1. #1

    Default Seeing things more clearly than I have in a long time

    I know that I am not worthless but I know some people do not care about me or value me. I'm okay with that, I just need the ones that do care to be more active in my life because I honestly am tired of doing everything myself and my life alone. I'm single again and that's fine. I'm sure when I get everything figured out further than I have, I'll find the right someone. I have friends but they don't understand just how much I value them. If I lost a friend it would hurt like my arm was severed from my shoulder. They care about me but I don't think they understand that I would die for them and I don't say that just to say it. I would take a bullet for them. I cannot stand to see others in pain alone because that was me before I made friends at 18... sure I have the people I grew up with, but some moved away. Some stopped being my friend, some just faded away from me, and some I lost contact.

    I realise how blessed I am to have such a great amount of support but I am a self sabetour and when I succeed, I cut myself off at the root. I have no future. You can tell me I do, but honestly, what does a 20 year old with no high school diploma, on probation, no license, no job and never had one, have to do to succeed. People think I'm just so strong and so great but I've never been more in pieces. My ducks aren't in a row, they all have been murdered by the system that is a big failure. Sure it works for some, but it clearly isn't working for me.

    As a Christian I see that my life has meaning and purpose but my human nature tells me this is all pointless to try. I probably will never have a job because I have given up. Is it a good Christian attitude to have? No. I just don't know how to fix myself and people have continually let me down while also telling me they will always be there. Only God has been there for me and I can trust him. Whether you're Christian or not isn't the issue. All I want from non-Christians and those of other faiths, is just respect that I don't appreciate Jesus' name being taken in vain. Ironically it's mostly done by so called Christians that I know. I know I need Jesus because I've looked around, I've seen other religions and 'non' religion and they held no answers for me.

    Before you go and try to reply to the prior paragraph, I didn't post it to be up for debate, I posted it because it's what is on my mind. Please do not try to start an arguement because I will probably be more hurt than helped. I am a damaged individual but at least I recognise my issues. It's been far too much pain caused by arguments and debates to ever do it again. That's probably what contributed to my panic attack. I do not have all the answers but I'm learning day by day. My main issue as a person is that I cut my own wings off and try to fly so that I fall and no one can tell me I could have flown. Side note I did want to get my pilots license but that like most things in my life, probably will not happen. Depression has crippled my interest in things I love... the last remaining things I love are rollerblading, exercise, helping others, v idoe games, some people, God, and photography. Art is dead to me but I don't want it to be. My dreams and hopes are so brittle it's kind of sad.

    Someone once said to me, "You just really want to be happy but it seems like you don't know how." I believe they are correct. It's hard to fix genetic AND caused by situations, depression. If I have ever been mean or rude to you, I apologise as I'm still learning how to come across better to others. If you read my past posts you will notice a difference in how I talk and what words I use. I am changing and I hope it is for the better.

    All the best, thank you.

    Adam, an endlessly interesting character (as my father put it).

  2. #2

    Default

    Always remember we are forgiven and loved by G-d through Yeshua. And although it will take time, you will carve out a niche. Don't ever give up.

  3. #3

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    You know, maybe I'm crazy here, but have you considered actually trying to join something related to your religion, Premetheus? I don't know what sect of Christianity you practice, but all of them are willing to take volunteers and understand the call of God to service. You could talk to your priest/pastor/whatever term applies and ask about how you could commit yourself more fully to religious service.

    This isn't something I'd normally recommend, but given the very great difficulties you've suffered and the fact that God still motivates you, I think it could be a route for you going forward.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by ArchieRoni View Post
    You know, maybe I'm crazy here, but have you considered actually trying to join something related to your religion, Premetheus? I don't know what sect of Christianity you practice, but all of them are willing to take volunteers and understand the call of God to service. You could talk to your priest/pastor/whatever term applies and ask about how you could commit yourself more fully to religious service.

    This isn't something I'd normally recommend, but given the very great difficulties you've suffered and the fact that God still motivates you, I think it could be a route for you going forward.
    I'd appreciate if you didn't say sect, it has bad connotations. Religion is fine because it can apply to anything at all honestly. I am an Assemblies of God Pentecostal. Pentecostal simply meaning I believe in the gifts of the spirit. I have considered it, I just don't know where I would fit in. Pastor applies here in response to your attempt to find which word to use lol. I'm working on moving forward, I just hope that I figure out what I should do. I just know that I'm supposed to help others. That is my calling.

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    Quote Originally Posted by skunk053 View Post
    Always remember we are forgiven and loved by G-d through Yeshua. And although it will take time, you will carve out a niche. Don't ever give up.
    Greater is he that is within me than he that is in the world

  5. #5

    Default

    My apologies for the word choice, I couldn't think of the right term. Branch maybe? Regardless, you're right that it's your religion. I think talking to your pastor then could be a perfect step because you can ask for advice on where you could fit in and help people. I'm confident they will have ideas.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by ArchieRoni View Post
    My apologies for the word choice, I couldn't think of the right term. Branch maybe? Regardless, you're right that it's your religion. I think talking to your pastor then could be a perfect step because you can ask for advice on where you could fit in and help people. I'm confident they will have ideas.
    As a Christian, I forgive you but yes I have talked to them about being more involved. It's a matter of getting there that's the issue. I live about 8 miles outside of town. Now I've biked it hundreds of times, it's just not practical. Weather, exhaustion levels vary, etc. Hence getting a case manager to help me get what I need.

  7. #7

    Default

    One thing I can tell you is that I've had to learn how to do everything on my own. Waiting around for someone or some higher entity to perform miracles for you will never lead anywhere.

    You have to make sacrifices to take a step. You have to put in the work to accomplish something.

    A little back story on me, I was raised without a father, by a Christian mother. She's worked throughout my growing up but she's never really tried to improve herself much. Even though I've lost religious faith in my tween years, I grew up waiting for things to happen. I started working under the table at the bakery my mom was working at. I went through those selfish teenage years. I quit school and relied on my mother to get me to and from work. I was also hesitantly helping her out during my selfish teenage years. I went through a good while in my life where I just didn't know how to crawl out of a hole. I had no credit. I had no education as I actually woot school in the 6th grade. I did go to Job Corps and got my GED but I stool had no money or transportation to go to college. Then I thought I was stuck buying garbage vehicles and had no mechanical skills or the money to fix it. I truly though I was at a dead end in my 20s. I then sucked it up and decided to do something better than the fast food and other low end jobs. I went to a trick driving company that had a in house school. They required nothing but a signature and work for them for at least a year. I still wasn't mature yet and spent money on an old used car. I hated the work. I went back to my comfort zone.

    Then my mother became disabled and she couldn't afford the bills. My uncle in law screwed her out of her house. I became homeless. I had nothing but my piece of crap car and some clothes. It wasn't until I tasted this reality that I've became a true man. I remained homeless for 2 years. I Thank the grace of others for inviting me in. I had to learn to live by my means. I went back to driving trucks and saved money for a down payment for a brand new car. All this while paying rent and supporting my mother.

    Long story short is if you're going to wait and Depend on your religion or others to do things for you and give things to you, you're an idiot. Sorry to be blunt, but sometimes you need to be slapped in the face to open your eyes and ears.
    Last edited by MeTaLMaNN1983; 02-Jul-2016 at 21:32.

  8. #8

    Default

    Keep your gaze to the horizon.

    Nothing, nothing about today defines you tomorrow. God may be silent but he works in mysterious ways.

    There is always a new day outside of the blinds, you just have to open them.

  9. #9

    Default

    Do the best of all you can do, don't be afraid and quite from your situation, because your faith and believe will guide you in the right direction with the help in the hands of God in your life.

  10. #10

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by MeTaLMaNN1983 View Post
    One thing I can tell you is that I've had to learn how to do everything on my own. Waiting around for someone or some higher entity to perform miracles for you will never lead anywhere.

    You have to make sacrifices to take a step. You have to put in the work to accomplish something.

    A little back story on me, I was raised without a father, by a Christian mother. She's worked throughout my growing up but she's never really tried to improve herself much. Even though I've lost religious faith in my tween years, I grew up waiting for things to happen. I started working under the table at the bakery my mom was working at. I went through those selfish teenage years. I quit school and relied on my mother to get me to and from work. I was also hesitantly helping her out during my selfish teenage years. I went through a good while in my life where I just didn't know how to crawl out of a hole. I had no credit. I had no education as I actually woot school in the 6th grade. I did go to Job Corps and got my GED but I stool had no money or transportation to go to college. Then I thought I was stuck buying garbage vehicles and had no mechanical skills or the money to fix it. I truly though I was at a dead end in my 20s. I then sucked it up and decided to do something better than the fast food and other low end jobs. I went to a trick driving company that had a in house school. They required nothing but a signature and work for them for at least a year. I still wasn't mature yet and spent money on an old used car. I hated the work. I went back to my comfort zone.

    Then my mother became disabled and she couldn't afford the bills. My uncle in law screwed her out of her house. I became homeless. I had nothing but my piece of crap car and some clothes. It wasn't until I tasted this reality that I've became a true man. I remained homeless for 2 years. I Thank the grace of others for inviting me in. I had to learn to live by my means. I went back to driving trucks and saved money for a down payment for a brand new car. All this while paying rent and supporting my mother.

    Long story short is if you're going to wait and Depend on your religion or others to do things for you and give things to you, you're an idiot. Sorry to be blunt, but sometimes you need to be slapped in the face to open your eyes and ears.
    Sorry to be blunt, but you really are not making sense. I am working on myself, I am working through my problems, I'm not waiting for anything. You were not being blunt, this is blatantly disrespectful and I will not tolerate it. I'm not an idiot, I know I have to do work to get things done, but I believe God can, does, and has helped me. You don't know my life story and this response is extremely ignorant. What you did here is sucker punch me in the gut and then told me it was good for me. Have a nice day and I hope you realise sooner or later, being a jerk and being blunt are two different things.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ilostthesheriff View Post
    Keep your gaze to the horizon.

    Nothing, nothing about today defines you tomorrow. God may be silent but he works in mysterious ways.

    There is always a new day outside of the blinds, you just have to open them.
    God is not silent, he's spoken to me in many different ways. He always has my best interests in mind, but knows the best way. Even if things get bad, I can trust he will get me through. He works in ways that are higher than ours for sure, but not that mysterious. I appreciate your advice notheless. I am very thankful for ADISC and its members. I am trying to be more positive.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MaxToddler View Post
    Do the best of all you can do, don't be afraid and quite from your situation, because your faith and believe will guide you in the right direction with the help in the hands of God in your life.
    Thanks!

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