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Thread: "You can't be a transman and a sissy!"

  1. #1

    Default "You can't be a transman and a sissy!"

    The below post is centered around gender identity and BDSM dynamics.

    "You can't be a transman and a sissy!" I'm so tired of hearing this. I have had more than one person tell me that because I am a non-transitioning trans cross dresser. Then I have had more than one "Why don't you just say you're a girl/stay a girl?" from inquiring Daddy Doms, especially when they find that I am comfortable with the female parts of my body sexually.

    I'm a FtM transman in my day-to-day life -- outside of work -- that is much more feminine than other males. My little side is sissy girl. Being a cross dressing trans individual I find that you are met with more hate and confusion by those you bring around you. I cross dress to present myself as female when I work because it is easier for me in family and professional life and I don't care about pronouns. Stuff like that doesn't bother me. My family would take issue with me being transgendered and they are very important to me so it is easier this way and I can buy cute dresses.

    Then you add all of the above that to the fact that I have been Daddy in the past (which I absolutely adored) but I am looking to expand on an occasional Mommy role as well. This is more due to my curiosity in breast feeding as I was raised by a hucow and it is a very natural topic to me. I've been met with even more upset by littles that don't know how to take my cross dressing or gender identity. My last little was confused by my dressing and she didn't want anything to do with me ageplaying or being little at all.

    I am a boy. I am just a sissy boy. A cross dressing boy. A girly boy. A boy that likes dresses. But still a boy. My clothes don't make my gender.

    I just feel lost, misunderstood and alone.

  2. #2


    You can be an intergender squirrelkin that dresses in traditional Romanian men's clothing socially, and still prefer to wear girly clothes sexually or during playtime.
    Nobody but you get to define what you are, and the fact that people even try to tell others what they "are" is not only dehumanizing and bigoted, it's also stupid. What if you flipped it on them and asked why they don't just change into a flower pot?
    That's silly, because they're not a flower pot, they're a person.

    You're a boy/man that enjoys sissy play (or whatever), and that has a female body he is comfortable with. That's not very hard or complicated at all, it's actually pretty straight forward and clear.
    The fact that you've managed to map this out already at 21 years old is actually pretty impressive to me. Sure, it's not very complicated and is straight forward for us outsiders to grasp, but mapping it all out in your head sounds like quite a few hours of deep introspection.
    Like E=mc˛ is so simple on paper, and it's not very hard to grasp once you see some of the proof, but I'm sure it was quite the head-job to work out.

    ...okay, this turned into quite the rant, so let me just sum it up like so: You are who you are, and if people can't accept that then you shouldn't accept them having influence over you.

  3. #3


    The same thing happens if you are a trans woman and a lesbian. It seems the cisgendered do not understand how people like us think

  4. #4


    I'm cisgendered, and I have no trouble understanding it at all.

    Without the mind, the body is not really that useful.
    It is a separate part of us, like your left hand is separate from your right hand.

    There are endless little variations in how hands look. No two hands are exactly the same, or fingerprints would be the worst evidence ever.
    So why can't the brain have the same kind of variations? Something in my brain, be it genetic or something in my learned/formed personality, has me identifying my person as a male.
    This brings me no problems or anything to figure out, seeing as it's the same as the rest of me, as far as I can tell.

    It's not at all hard for me to grasp that this bit of my brain, or personality contained within it, could be set differently. It's not really that different from how some people are left handed.
    I'm right handed, so it's hard for me to understand left handed people? No? Then why is it so hard to grasp that some people's personality/brain/soul/whatever doesn't match their physical body in terms of gender?

    Also, it's not like it's a switch that can be set to "male" or "female". It's a pretty fine scale, and a person can be set pretty much anywhere along that scale.
    Then there is the fact that we react differently in different situations. It's not that we have different personalities, we just expose different parts of ourselves in different settings. I'm a sexual person that enjoys all manner of sexual "play", but that part of me is safely tucked away when I'm hanging out with my father.

    It's not hard for me, no matter how cisgendered I might be, to understand that people feel different in different situations. I become a dominant sadist when I'm in a sexual situation, for example, but I'm not like that socially.
    The fact that these two variables seem to overlap in sanriostoner, to where gender identity "switches" based on context, isn't hard for me to grasp at all.

    If anyone tries to hide behind "cisgenders do not understand" then they need to own up and say "I do not understand", because plenty of cisgendered people understand it just fine.
    It's not a collective thing that can be applied to us all no more than any of the stuff I've heard can be applied to trans people as a collective. We are all individuals!

    (cue the one person in the back raising their hand and yelling "I'm not!" in an otherwise silent scene...)

  5. #5


    I think it's just people who don't really understand it. It can be pretty hard to wrap your head around these sorts of things. Generally speaking, I expect it, and don't get offended by it.

    I am also in a similar position actually. I am MtF, but I do have a lot of tom boyish qualities. I like Jeans or pants and t-shirts. Not a big fan of shorts. I think the only really girly type of clothing I like is skirts, sort of more in line with goth/lolita or punk style. A lot of my interests can also be seen as a bit boyish, like gaming, computers, technology, and science. But, I don't really like sports all that much besides anything with wheels that is. Nascar, not so much XD ... it gets boring. But drifting and regular racing ... Awesome! Also skateboarding is pretty cool too. Going fast is fun.

    But then at the same time, which throws people off, my favorite color is pink. I am a hello kitty fanatic, and at times I can be extremely girly in how I react to certain things. Sometimes to the point where I will realize ... oh crap, did I just actually do that and try to act cool after wards and pretend I didn't just squeal or giggle. Getting embarrassed for example really throws me for a loop. I generally don't know what to do, and need to try and hide my face.

  6. #6


    Yeah, it's almost like you're an individual, and not actually part of a hivemind.

  7. #7


    Being Gay, All I'm going to say, Be who you want to be, forget what everyone esle says. Its really nobody's business how you feel and who you are

  8. #8


    There's a definite difference than AB/LG/Sissy and being adult, regardless of gender.

  9. #9


    Cis men wear 'women's clothing' all the time. Your clothing has nothing to do with your true gender identity. More people need to understand that.

  10. #10


    I can relate. I had a similar situation before I realized that I was trans. I used to age play as a boy, but I was open about expressing that I was a cis-female. It confused EVERYONE and no one seemed okay with it. In fact, many other folks (mostly cis-males) didn't even want to chat with me because they'd say, "Wait... you're a girl???" It was weird to me that anyone was confused by it because there are myriads of cis-men who play as sissies, so I couldn't understand why a cis-female couldn't play as a boy.

    Anyhow, I ended up realizing I was just a trans boy in general and it alleviated the situation. That's a long story for a possible blog.

    I think it's awesome that you're a sissy transman! Be confident about who you are. There will be others in the community who will embrace your role and adore you as a sissy. There is a massive and wonderful grey area for genders and gender play out there; it seems to grow and evolve constantly! There are some people who only see two sides and not the entire spectrum. Don't let those people get you down and ruin your fun.

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