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Thread: I Don't Know What to Do Anymore

  1. #1

    Unhappy I Don't Know What to Do Anymore

    I want to keep this post quite short

    So for about 5 years I've known this girl who went to my school, I first started talking to her when I was about 14 and I am 19 now (although we didn't speak to each other or see each other for about a year and a half), we are in the same year, she is only a few months younger than me. After about a year I ended up falling in love with her, I could go on and on about her for ages but like I said I want to keep this short, a few years later my love grew stronger for her even though we have never been boyfriend and girlfriend. We have just been good friends and we talk everyday and often see each other.

    In this time of knowing her she has had 4 boyfriends and in the end they have all basically ended up treating her badly. She knows I love her, and I've tried a lot but I don't think it's ever going to happen, even though I would never mistreat or hurt her. I know literally everything there is to know about her. I am just so much in love it hurts and I feel like I can't ever be with her which hurts me a lot and I get really depressed sometimes. I just don't think I'd be able to love someone else as much as I love her and I don't know what to do.

    Can anyone give me some sort of advice?

  2. #2


    I'm afraid I don't have any good advice, as I've been in this situation myself (both the one being chased and the one doing the chasing). Unfortunately hormones and emotions are annoying and illogical things. It doesn't get any easier as you age, but you get used to living with mismatched feelings and learn to focus on other things in life instead. My career has improved drastically both times I've fallen madly in love with someone that I couldn't have. I may have to remain single for the rest of my life, but I'll at least have a brilliant time doing it! haha! If she doesn't feel the same way then I would suggest focusing on yourself and channelling that energy into something that benefits you. Either your drive will win her over or you will at least have done something for yourself.

    I'm now thinking of that Rolling Stones song...

  3. #3


    Look CookieMonstah, I don't know you or this girl or what sort of relationship you have but you said you don't think it's going to work out. I hate to say it but if you really don't think she's going to come around you're better off giving up and getting on with your life. Your feelings do matter of course and I know it seems wrong to go against them but a relationship takes two and it doesn't do you any good to keep yourself hung up on something that isn't going to happen. There's a lot of women out there and the outcomes of our lives are often unexpected. Who can honestly say that they were exactly the same person 5 years ago that they are now? To get over this one girl you'll free up your passion for other things or other people. It just takes a concious decision and a little time, though I'd avoid making too many plans with her for now. So as I've said, I've not seen this in person but it seems like you should make the hard choice on this one man. Let yourself move on.

  4. #4


    Thank you guys for replying, I'm actually probably going to see her again this Saturday, so she likes to hang out with me I guess and she likes to play video games online with me which is like every day and we have long phone calls or Skype calls. I just feel I've done so much for so long I can't give up, the urge is too strong.

  5. #5


    Someone mentioned your post and referenced a song... I will also reference one, Pink Floyds: keep talking. Just talk to her.

  6. #6


    I've had my one experience with unrequited love - over the Internet, but still. I didn't totally realize I was romantically attracted to him until after he decided to cut off contact with me and refused to tell me why. It hurt losing a dear friend, pretty much my first best friend, it hurt like hell. At the very least, you should be able to take comfort in the fact you still have her friendship.

  7. #7


    Yes, I was thinking the same thing: talk. Have you asked her if she would consider dating? I know it's difficult to do that because if the answer is no, then the chase comes to a sudden halt. I too have been on both sides, wanting someone so desperately I would have done anything, and being chased by those I had absolutely no interest in.

    It becomes obvious that we have "types" to whom we are attracted. I have a feeling her type is to the person who will abuse her. She may have a codependent personality. If that's the case, there's probably nothing you can do to make yourself attractive to her. There are some girls/women, who are attracted to "the bad boy" types. Some are looking for someone who reminds them of their father.

    There are some people though, that are looking for someone who will genuinely love them. That's how my wife and I connected, and it has given us a wonderful life. I don't know what you look like, what your weight is, how you dress, etc., but if you really want to date this girl, work on yourself.

    If that doesn't work, you've been given good advise in that you should move on and get involved with something that will consume your time and produce something that will make you happy, or feel you've accomplished something of value. I've always been a musician, so when I've been down, I've spent more time practicing my musical instrument. Sometimes are only alternative is to move on.

  8. #8


    My best advice is to leave it all on the court. You don't want to regret not doing anything. So if you love her that much, keep fighting. I think you should consider making a move of some sort to say/show that you love her and want to be with her. Only do this if you are ok with jeopardizing your friendship with her, at least for a little bit. Friendships can be repaired but either of you may need time to recover if you choose that path. It is also important to know when to move on though. So if she ever says she doesn't like you like that, then it is time to move on and search for someone else. It won't be easy, but you owe it to yourself. Speaking from experience though, don't quit until the clock says zero. You don't want to be left knowing what could have been. Good luck.

    - - - Updated - - -

    And when I say take a chance, I mean talk to her. Then you will know where she lies. You will either be able to date her, or move on. So in the long term win-win. (Moving on will certainly initially feel like a lose, but it'll bring you closer to the real person who you can fall in love with). The only lose is not taking a chance.

  9. #9


    I don't want to make a move just yet because she broke up with her last boyfriend about 6 months ago and won't date anyone at the moment, the past 3/4 years she's been hurt so much, cheated on multiple times and treated badly so she wants a break, I heard other people have tried to date her but she isn't interested. I will wait a few more months and see if I can make a move. At the moment I really cherish our friendship and I really enjoy seeing her and talking to her everyday.

    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    It becomes obvious that we have "types" to whom we are attracted. I have a feeling her type is to the person who will abuse her. She may have a codependent personality. If that's the case, there's probably nothing you can do to make yourself attractive to her. There are some girls/women, who are attracted to "the bad boy" types. Some are looking for someone who reminds them of their father.
    I don't think she necessarily likes "bad boys" but she likes it when people are nasty to her but this is like saying 'wow you look ugly' which she knows isn't something to be taken seriously as opposed to how some of her past boyfriends have treated her.

  10. #10


    To me it seems like you're friend zoned, if she likes hanging out with you and such like you said but never really got interested romantically. . . you might be friend zoned. Plus you're only 19, take it from someone a year older than you, there are plenty of fish in the sea. I got friend zoned by the girl I loved in school. Nine times out of ten high school relationships don't last very long. You're lucky if you even talk to the people anymore after a while. When I left school a few years ago (Long story) I talked with a few people, including the girl I liked, for about a year then even though these people only live around the block we kinda all drifted apart.

    Point is: You'll find someone to love even more later in life, you're 19, it's too early to be certain that you'll 'never love someone as much again.' And if its meant to be, it'll happen, if not don't beat yourself up over it. Love hurts sometimes.

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