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Thread: In Need of Advice

  1. #1

    Question In Need of Advice

    I'm not really sure where to go or who to ask, so I decided to come here as its the best I can think of.
    My boyfriend
    He and I have a major thing in common, and that's mental illness and disorders. Bipolar, ADD/ADHD, depression, and anxiety to name a few. He's also autistic, high functioning.
    He tends to get rambunctious and very active, which makes me nervous at times. But he gets really angry over small things.
    I wanted to watch funny animal videos on YouTube with him so I wouldn't let him have his laptop so he could play a game on Facebook. He got very mad. He called me an asshole and a spoiled brat and much like most times I piss him off, he started using my pressure points against me. He's never aggressively hurt me, but he will press on painful spots relentlessly until I give in.
    I.e, temples, under my ears and into my jaw, my neck, sensitive muscles on my back (from scoliosis.)
    And he's been at it a lot more lately and I honestly don't know what to do. I will not call it abuse, as some people have been want to tell me. It's just dumb arguments, but I still feel like something needs to be done. He always apologizes afterwards, and sometimes he acts like its partly my fault for being spoiled. I've been told, and I understand why, to leave him, but I don't think I can. Aside from my cats and my actual mom and grandma, he's all I have. I don't have contact with other's or even minor friendships due to my severe social anxiety, so when it boils down to it, I don't think I could leave him even if I wanted to. Despite the fact I love him with all my heart, I feel kind of trapped. Again, I don't really know where I should go with this, that's why it's here, so I'm sorry if this isn't the right place.

  2. #2

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    He's Disgusting! I'm autistic and i Do NOT Act like that Or hurt anybody, your boyfriend is a Spoiled brat!

  3. #3

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    It sounds like you two have some issues to work out.

    Have you sat down with him and had a serious talk about it? It's probably time to do so if you haven't. I'd say that you need to make it clear that what he's doing is not okay. There are other resources available for help as well. Maybe you could try couples counseling? I don't have any experience with it, so you would have to judge on your own. You could also try setting up a system to encourage good behavior. Do something special for him when he handles a situation maturely, however you judge that.

    And as hard as it may seem, don't be afraid to consider leaving him. Things get better in perspective, and if it means getting out of a semi-abusive relationship it is definitely something to consider.

  4. #4

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    That's not right. If he is causing you pain then that is abuse, whether he is hitting you, throwing things or anything else. And autism is no excuse for that kind of behaviour. Like Angelic, I'm also autistic and I have never felt any desire to randomly hurt anyone. Even when I've been in fights it's taken a lot for me to snap and defend myself. There is no justification for your boyfriend's behaviour.

    Also, staying in any relationship because you don't want to be on your own is a really bad idea. That should be a big warning sign to you. There are support groups specifically for social anxiety either online or real life meet ups. Although sometimes just going along to a group/class where you will all be busy engaged in some activity and not pressured to randomly 'chat' about stuff can help.

  5. #5

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by MonkeyFrog View Post
    That's not right. If he is causing you pain then that is abuse, whether he is hitting you, throwing things or anything else. And autism is no excuse for that kind of behaviour. Like Angelic, I'm also autistic and I have never felt any desire to randomly hurt anyone. Even when I've been in fights it's taken a lot for me to snap and defend myself. There is no justification for your boyfriend's behaviour.

    Also, staying in any relationship because you don't want to be on your own is a really bad idea. That should be a big warning sign to you. There are support groups specifically for social anxiety either online or real life meet ups. Although sometimes just going along to a group/class where you will all be busy engaged in some activity and not pressured to randomly 'chat' about stuff can help.
    I concur with your thoughts here.
    I myself am Autistic, and I do not behave that way to my biological brother whom I live with.

  7. #7

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    its not about what others think, its about what you think. if you want something to be done, if you feel hes hurting you then you need to decide wether to stick it out or make him change and if you do stick it out how far your really willing to go. there a good chance if this is happened more then once that he doesnt understand or doesnt care that hes hurting you. even if he's all that you have, thats no reason to help him hurt you. If your not there because you want to be then you should be there at all.

  8. #8

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    I'm going to assume you both have psychologists or see a counselor? This is something you both should be discussing. Sadly, this seems like a co-dependent relationship and those never end well. If he continues to abuse you, and that's exactly what it is, you will need to make the difficult decision to leave him. This could escalate and then, where does it end?

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by LittleLonelyOtter View Post
    I'm not really sure where to go or who to ask, so I decided to come here as its the best I can think of.
    [...] he started using my pressure points against me. He's never aggressively hurt me, but he will press on painful spots relentlessly until I give in.
    I.e, temples, under my ears and into my jaw, my neck, sensitive muscles on my back (from scoliosis.)
    [...].
    Hey LittleLonelyOtter,

    All the replies here so far have pretty well covered some of the basics on abuse and what you might put up with or not...

    So, let's get specific about the fact that he is subduing you with force:
    • To get his way
    • Because he is angry
    • He wants to
    • He doesn't know any better

    Whatever it is - he is using his hands as a weapon against you.

    If he was using a stick, knife or, rope (or any other thing) to subdue you for the reasons listed - What would you think then?

    Even though there is debate on whether improper use of pressure-points can lead to lasting injuries or even death...

    Bad things can happen whether intended or not.

    Then, you add the physical issues like scoliosis which puts your body at a greater disadvantage (more susceptible to injury).

    Add the emotional and psychological issues...

    Then you say

    "He's never aggressively hurt me, but he will press on painful spots relentlessly until I give in."

    Pressing on painful spots - is hurting you (and physically controlling you).

    ...relentlessly until you give in. (is aggressive)

    HE is certainly - aggressively
    hurt-ing
    YOU!



    Aside from my cats and my actual mom and grandma
    ... You have you!

    Dumb arguments are fine - it's what we do... and that may be where it starts but, once he begins physically subduing you and/or emotionally intimidating you - it's no longer a dumb argument.
    • It's abuse of power
    • It's abuse of trust
    • It's abuse of love?
    • It's abuse of safety
    • It's abuse of you

    Yeah, you don't have to report it to police-
    You don't have to leave (him or there)-

    BUT
    You must make this stop!


    My best to you,
    -Marka

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