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Thread: Emotionnally abused

  1. #1

    Default Emotionnally abused

    I was emotionally abused by my "parents" for 26 years.

    They say that they love me but they didn't stop to buly me because I'm disabled and a bit overweight. Sometimes they called me "Fat pig" or "Fatso". They said that "I'm stupid" and so on…

    Then I met some friends and my adoptive Mommy and I understood that their behaviors was not "normal".

    Now I took my distances from them and I managed to be independent and live by myself. But now I know it's the reason why I have some great difficulties to grow and feel adult.

    And sometimes, when I close my eyes I still feel the hits and still hear the insults.

    I don't succeed in overcoming my abuse…

    I would like to know if some people here have lived something similar and how you managed to overcome the abuse you have undergone.

    Thanx for your help.

  2. #2
    MarchinBunny

    Default

    Ya, I had a somewhat similar situation, I was abused by my step father when I was a kid. Both mental and physical abuse. Then also because I am transgender and an Ab/DL, I have gone through abuse with other family members too.

    I don't know how or when I got passed it but I may have some clues. Generally speaking I believe what was holding me back was the fact that I cared about my family greatly and what they thought of me, especially my Mom. So, when these things where happening to me, I thought they where my fault. I thought there was something wrong with me. I felt like a screw up and a disappointment. I thought I deserved all the abuse I was receiving.

    After it kept happening to me over and over again, I just snapped one day and just clicked. I realized my family is a joke and there is nothing wrong with me. I shouldn't be bothered by what they think. I shouldn't look up to them. However, at the same time, I learned I should just accept the way they are because I can't change them.

    So in the end, I guess you could say for me, it just came to accepting that they are the ones who are in the wrong. I am a great person, and what they did to me in the past doesn't change that nor does it change my worth as a person.

    I will tell you another thing though that helped. Being able to leave them. I moved to another state and didn't have to deal with their crap.

    With all that said, it's not like I hate my family. We have had some great times too even if some of those time where rare. I accepted I can't change who my family is, and so I just sort of deal with all their faults. I expect certain things from them, so it doesn't really bother me anymore.

  3. #3

    Default

    Hi, Ghost,
    There's no shortage of members here who have come from very unhealthy family environments. I sometimes have flashbacks reliving my own traumatic childhood after hearing some of the horrendous stories of abuse, both mentally and physically. I think just the fact that we have survived and found our way here is a testament to our own strength, toughness, and courage. All of this is just to say.... you are not alone here.

    I grew up in a family where I was criticized and mocked for being different. I had gay tendencies even at a very young age, and my father was a homophobe. He took great pleasure in humiliating me and mocking me. When I was twelve years old, he told me that the only reason I was born was because the church wouldn't allow my mother to have an abortion. There was physical intimidation and occasional violence. More than anything, it was just the day to day existence of being made to feel stupid and incompetent. Then there was also the diaper humiliation at the age of six which caused my diaper fetish before I reached the age of seven. From those days forward, I believed I was a freak, inferior, and that the world wouldn't miss me much if I was gone.

    For me, it took many years of being away from such a harmful, toxic home environment before all the negative voices became, well, a little less loud, and I started wanting things out of life. It wasn't until I reached the age of 28, the same age as you, Ghost, that I had the courage to go back to school and involve myself in Social Services, wanting to help other people who may not have the strength to survive on their own.

    What I had to learn to do was to shut down all those negative voices and self-doubts about myself, or at the very least I became able to recognize what caused them and manage them when they surfaced. Many years later, I am happy and proud of what I've been able to accomplish with my life, in spite of the rough start. I also keep my family at a distance.

    You're still at a young age, and if you feel that your family has caused irreparable harm to your self esteem and outlook on life, then please consider getting some counselling to deal with this. I can tell you that these feelings may be with you for a long time, and counselling can help coach you in developing coping skills and a plan of action for those days when you feel down. Most importantly, you need to remember that none of this is your fault. You family's behaviour is on them, it doesn't reflect on who you are.

    Finally, I've always found it beneficial to consider how we define family. To me, family is defined by the people who are close to us, the ones who support us in reaching our goals and dreams, the ones who are there for us when we suffer setbacks and losses., the ones who are there on the good days and the bad. The fact that you have met new friends and a mommy who fulfill this criteria is the best step forward. Be grateful for having them and continue surrounding yourself with people who care about you, and hold back on the contact with those who would tear you apart.

    At the end of the day, all each of us can do is be the best we can be, regardless of the cards we have been dealt. I believe there is a great journey ahead of you.

    Take care and best wishes, my friend
    Last edited by Starrunner; 21-May-2016 at 19:07.

  4. #4

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Ghost01 View Post
    I was emotionally abused by my "parents" for 26 years.

    They say that they love me but they didn't stop to buly me because I'm disabled and a bit overweight. Sometimes they called me "Fat pig" or "Fatso". They said that "I'm stupid" and so on…

    Then I met some friends and my adoptive Mommy and I understood that their behaviors was not "normal".

    Now I took my distances from them and I managed to be independent and live by myself. But now I know it's the reason why I have some great difficulties to grow and feel adult.

    And sometimes, when I close my eyes I still feel the hits and still hear the insults.

    I don't succeed in overcoming my abuse…

    I would like to know if some people here have lived something similar and how you managed to overcome the abuse you have undergone.

    Thanx for your help.
    I understand where you are coming from friend.
    I was abused by my Mom growing up and into adulthood too.
    Emotional healing takes time.

  5. #5

    Default

    I too can understand where you are coming from.

    My dad was very "abusive" physically and mentally. I was later on that I realized that my mother was also abusive in an entire different level i.e. Passive aggressive and manipulative.

    I have been in therapy since 2000 and have come to terms with it. My dad passed away in '79 when I was 17 and I have come to terms with a lot of it. I therefore cherish the good memories I have and understand some of the other things that where going on.

    As for my mother I respect her for the life that she gave me and do understand some of the issue behind other things. But I still do not let her play the games with me and have to laugh at her when she complains about being the "bitter old bat that does not see there kids except for holidays" that she commented on when she was working as an in home community health nurse.

    IT takes a long time to over come it and it is an even harder struggle not to repeat the same scenario with my kids.

  6. #6

    Default

    My dad was and still is very aggressive and even as a grown man can still scare me, at points in my life I feel he physically abused me, my older brother was also very mean, would always beat me up, annoy me and would never stick up for me when others were hurting me.

  7. #7

    Default

    Thank you for all your answers.

    Starrunner, your testimony touch me a lot.



    You're still at a young age, and if you feel that your family has caused irreparable harm to your self esteem and outlook on life, then please consider getting some counselling to deal with this. I can tell you that these feelings may be with you for a long time, and counselling can help coach you in developing coping skills and a plan of action for those days when you feel down. Most importantly, you need to remember that none of this is your fault. You family's behaviour is on them, it doesn't reflect on who you are.
    Yes I'm doing a psycho analysis for 3 years now. It helps me a lot and I've overcome a lot of stuffs. But when I feel down I feel guilty again for all these bad treatments.



    Then there was also the diaper humiliation at the age of six which caused my diaper fetish before I reached the age of seven.
    Could you elaborate about that. If you don't want, don't do it. If you feel more comfortable you can talk to me about that in PM.



    What I had to learn to do was to shut down all those negative voices and self-doubts about myself, or at the very least I became able to recognize what caused them and manage them when they surfaced. Many years later, I am happy and proud of what I've been able to accomplish with my life, in spite of the rough start. I also keep my family at a distance.
    I feel better too since I put my family at a distance both geographically and emotionally. I don't love, respect and trust them anymore. I can stay with them for 1 or 2 days for special events, but when it goes over 2 days I start to feel bad because I still see my torturers in them. I think that I still would put more distance between me and them. But I already start to live alone in my own flat and even if it's not easy when you are disabled I managed it and it's great !



    For me, it took many years of being away from such a harmful, toxic home environment before all the negative voices became, well, a little less loud, and I started wanting things out of life. It wasn't until I reached the age of 28, the same age as you, Ghost, that I had the courage to go back to school and involve myself in Social Services, wanting to help other people who may not have the strength to survive on their own.
    That's great because you managed to transform your abuses in something positive. I would do the same but for now I don't see how I can do that.



    Finally, I've always found it beneficial to consider how we define family. To me, family is defined by the people who are close to us, the ones who support us in reaching our goals and dreams, the ones who are there for us when we suffer setbacks and losses., the ones who are there on the good days and the bad. The fact that you have met new friends and a mommy who fulfill this criteria is the best step forward. Be grateful for having them and continue surrounding yourself with people who care about you, and hold back on the contact with those who would tear you apart.
    I have the same views about family. To find an adoptive Mommy was the best thing that happens to overcome it. Unfortunately things turn wrong with my Mommy these last few months and she doesn't write to me for a while now. I miss her a lot. But I really wish to find an adoptive family who loves me as I am one day...



    I think just the fact that we have survived and found our way here is a testament to our own strength, toughness, and courage. All of this is just to say.... you are not alone here.
    These words bring me a lot of strength and joy and some tears too.
    Yes I'm strong, I'm courageous and I'm a good boy!!

    Thanx again to everyone of you for your answers.
    Finally I come to realize I've already starting my "liberation" process.
    For now I feel hurt and angry, but when I read your testimonies I think that maybe peace will come with time
    In all cases I see that I'm on the rights tracks!!


    Emotional healing takes time.
    Caitianx, CookieMonstah and Egor, which strategies did you find to get better?
    Last edited by Ghost01; 22-May-2016 at 18:48.

  8. #8

    Default

    My father was alcoholic and he destroyed all in our family, in 2003 died a few moths after my mother finally send him far away. I suspect he sexually abused my sister, but I haven't enough balls to ask her. A lot of times I was beatedf, insulted for come home five minutes later etc. So the best is live on my own and away from my family.

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