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Thread: I have no idea if I'm asexual or not

  1. #1

    Default I have no idea if I'm asexual or not

    I decided to update my profile on an abdl forumsite since the age was all wrong. While I was doing that I went over the options on orientation, and then it hit me. I really don't know if I'm asexual or not.

    I have never had any girlfriends, I don't really think about having sex With someone. I don't view women as hot. Like, they can be pretty, beautiful or cute, but I don't see them as hot. I have more or less zero interest in porno, unless it involves diapers.

    It's not really a problem that I don't know. I'm just... confused. Do I sound like an asexual person?

  2. #2

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    Absolutely maybe (how's that for wishy-washy?). Nothing you said indicates you're not asexual. That doesn't mean that you are or that if you are you are on the absolute end of it. The main thing I would caution against is reaching a wide-reaching conclusion based off little information. It's probably safe to say that you approach these things from a perspective that isn't typical but without more experience, it's hard to say whether it's a hard and fast rule or if it just requires special circumstances that you haven't encountered yet.

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by amon View Post
    I decided to update my profile on an abdl forumsite since the age was all wrong. While I was doing that I went over the options on orientation, and then it hit me. I really don't know if I'm asexual or not.

    I have never had any girlfriends, I don't really think about having sex With someone. I don't view women as hot. Like, they can be pretty, beautiful or cute, but I don't see them as hot. I have more or less zero interest in porno, unless it involves diapers.

    It's not really a problem that I don't know. I'm just... confused. Do I sound like an asexual person?
    I am pretty much the same way. So I know what that's like. I have had one girlfriend but even then I never thought of her in any sexual way, and thought of her as very pretty/ beautiful. But I kind of came to the same conclusion Trevor stated.

    It may be that the right person hasn't come along. But it could help to ask someone you find pretty/ beautiful on a date and see if it works from there. I'm not too fond of describing someone as "hot", but I don't think it has to define how you sexually or non-sexually feel about that person. But I'm kinda in the same boat so I'm hoping that'll help the both of us :P

    Hope that was useful.

  4. #4

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    Sounds like you could be. You could also turn out to be demisexual, meaning you only feel sexual attraction to people you're bonded with. Personally I can feel romantically attracted to the opposite sex but I really have no sexual desire towards it. If you're feeling curious you could also check out http://www.asexuality.org/home/.

  5. #5

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    Sounds like you very well could be. Note that asexuality is kind of a secondary phenotype, as asexual people still tend to lean towards either straight or gay, and may still feel some very minor attraction to one sex or the other. I, myself, am definitely straight, but I have zero desire for sexual activity. Women don't "turn me on". While some women have shown interest in me, I tend to keep my distance, both out of awkwardness and because I know I can't be what they would want me to be. It wouldn't be fair to them.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by Trevor View Post
    Absolutely maybe (how's that for wishy-washy?). Nothing you said indicates you're not asexual. That doesn't mean that you are or that if you are you are on the absolute end of it. The main thing I would caution against is reaching a wide-reaching conclusion based off little information. It's probably safe to say that you approach these things from a perspective that isn't typical but without more experience, it's hard to say whether it's a hard and fast rule or if it just requires special circumstances that you haven't encountered yet.
    Of course. I would definitely know more if I have experienced being in a relationship. :P



    Quote Originally Posted by Baxton
    I am pretty much the same way. So I know what that's like.
    Glad I'm not alone. :P



    Quote Originally Posted by KimbaStarshine
    Sounds like you could be. You could also turn out to be demisexual, meaning you only feel sexual attraction to people you're bonded with. Personally I can feel romantically attracted to the opposite sex but I really have no sexual desire towards it. If you're feeling curious you could also check out http://www.asexuality.org/home/.
    Maybe I am? Like I said, it would know more if I have been in a relationship. Anyways, thank's for the link. I will check it out.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by amon View Post
    I decided to update my profile on an abdl forumsite since the age was all wrong. While I was doing that I went over the options on orientation, and then it hit me. I really don't know if I'm asexual or not.

    I have never had any girlfriends, I don't really think about having sex With someone. I don't view women as hot. Like, they can be pretty, beautiful or cute, but I don't see them as hot. I have more or less zero interest in porno, unless it involves diapers.
    I had a few girlfriends when I was younger, but nothing serious. I've never had sex (OMG -- first time I've admitted that to anyone!), and I'm definitely attracted to certain women. I'd want to be in a loving relationship, ideally. But sex...? It doesn't seem that important to me. Maybe it'll happen one day if I find the right partner, but it's not something that I need in my life. Sex for its own sake, outside of a loving relationship, is not really appealing.

    And what is the deal with pornography?! It seems perfectly normal for many men (in particular) to watch porn videos online, but I can't stand anything like that. It makes me feel nauseous! The absolute worst thing is when you catch a glimpse of bodily fluids (bleurgh!) or a purple throbbing tally-whacker (double bleurgh!).

    I actually find it quite amusing that the most heterosexual, testosterone-filled blokes are the ones that watch this kind of thing. I know they're watching heterosexual intercourse, but... I can't help but think they must find something vaguely homo-erotic in watching another man's penis doing its duty.



    Quote Originally Posted by amon View Post
    It's not really a problem that I don't know. I'm just... confused. Do I sound like an asexual person?
    As Trevor alluded to, words like "asexual" are labels that are applied to individuals to describe their behaviour. They don't define behaviour; they're not perfectly reflections of the real world.

    In other words, you don't need to confine your experience of reality to a neat set of labels. You can choose to do whatever you want to do, and change your mind as much as you like without having to decide on any particular label. In the end, what matters is what you do, not what label you (or anyone else) chooses.

    So... am I asexual? *shrug* Maybe... It wouldn't really change anything, though.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by tiny View Post
    And what is the deal with pornography?! It seems perfectly normal for many men (in particular) to watch porn videos online, but I can't stand anything like that. It makes me feel nauseous! The absolute worst thing is when you catch a glimpse of bodily fluids (bleurgh!) or a purple throbbing tally-whacker (double bleurgh!).
    I'll watch porn that involves diapers or pee. Regular vanilla porn, no thanks.

  9. #9

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    The feelings of sexual attraction (or lack thereof) that the OP describes are pretty similar to how I feel too. I think you can adopt whatever label is appropriate, but the labels become less and less relevant the more detail you want to go into about yourself. Do you want to have sex? If you feel that attraction, seek out a partner to do that with, and if you don't feel that attraction then you don't need to seek for it. If you're aroused by diapers and not other people, as I and many others here are, that's fine too. If you still want to find someone to spend your life with, there are ways to look for people with similar feelings, or you can look for people with a different sexual appetite than you as long as you feel that you can work something out with them that leaves both of you satisfied.

    To be honest, though, I haven't really figured out the relationship part of it. I know I like the company of the opposite sex and I'm dating at the moment. I know I want children someday and I'm physically capable of getting aroused somehow or other to make that happen. I know a bunch of things that give me physical satisfaction, most of them diaper and ageplay related. I figure I'll work it out from there if and when I get close enough with a girlfriend to get into this conversation.

  10. #10

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    Well, asexuality is generally defined as a lack of sexual attraction, or, not experiencing sexual attraction towards others.

    It took me a very, very long time before I finally decided upon identifying as asexual. It's been close to a year now and I'm comfortable with that label, I feel like it fits me very well.

    If anyone was particularly interested, I would explain to them that I'm technically a panromantic asexual (capable of romantic feelings towards all gender identities and lack of gender identities) . A really good place I found though when I was trying to work all this out was a site called AVEN. It really helped me in not only understanding myself, but also in better understanding other sexualities as well, so I'd super recommend you check that place out.

    I'm slightly less common among asexuals in that I've had... a reasonable amount of sex in my lifetime so far, but honestly, a lot of that was just because it was expected of me or because it was the social norm to do so. My first relationship was... reasonably shitty in that, my partner was super into sex and... never really cared if I was or wasn't in the mood as long as she was. I wrote out a whole bitchy thing about it just now but that's all in the past so, not much point getting into it here, ha ha.

    If you're wondering what you should call yourself however, I'd say that's all up to you. If you feel happy with that label, then keep identifying as one or, alternatively, if you don't feel like you fit that anymore, you can always look into other things that might better describe you. You don't even have to identify as any label if you don't want to! The ball is totally in your court
    Last edited by Serah; 23-May-2016 at 15:38.

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