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Thread: Some thoughts and questions

  1. #1

    Default Some thoughts and questions

    Hi all

    I need to put my frustrations and questions down somewhere so I thought this would be a good place to do it.

    At the moment I have so many emotions going on in me with my DL side. I love being a DL. In fact I have decided to go 24/7 for the next week and see how I get on. So far it's been great. But it's really lonely. My wife is fully aware of me being a DL and sort of accepts it in my opinion. Well she says she does. I'm pretty much allowed to wear when and wherever I want to. But here is the frustration part. I would love her to be more apart of my DL side. She started to by allowing me to cuddle her in bed and she would do the same. But that has stopped. As soon as I get close to her I get pushed away. I don't know what the reason for the change is but it has changed.
    I have asked her to visit ADISC to see what others points of views are and a place for her to ask questions and have an outlet about the situation but again she has pushed it to once side saying that she has other things more important to do. That to me is like saying that I'm not important to her. Don't get me wrong in anyway, I love her very very much and I know she loves me too.
    I'll be honest and say that I want to have her change my nappy or even have her put me in a nappy at some point.
    I was sick not so long ago and was wearing my nappies and I asked her to please just once to change me. But to no avail. She said she would do anything for me and if that is what I want she will do but will not enjoy it. To which I said no. I'm the type of person that if you going to do something for me you need to mean it.

    Sooooooo frustrating. I think I just have the patience and want her to be more involved quicker. I know that isn't the way to do it and I need to let her get used to the idea on her own. But when I don't see any improvement from or anything been done on her side, I get really impatient and frustrated.

    Now a question

    I sooooo want to get onesie shirts. Because I want them would that make me more an AB. I mean not by wearing them but, more like wanting them?

    If there are any South Africans reading this, have you got onesies? If yes, where did you get them from?

    I look forward to your replies and advise.

  2. #2

    Default

    It's a difficult one, but unfortunately you won't be able to force her to enjoy it if that interest isn't already there. You either have DL interests or you don't. Maybe she tried to develop an interest initially, but has realised it just isn't there (hence her now 'pushing you away' when you bring up the subject). The same thing happened to me when I tried to 'act little/submissive' for an ex. I have zero AB tendancies and it feels wrong and awkward to have someone playing 'carer' to me. The sensation goes from irritating to physically sickening depending on how long I keep up the act. I tried to ignore this and pretend anyway for my ex's benefit, he started to enjoy it, then it got too frustrating and weird for me and I had to switch back into adult mode again. To my ex it seemed as though I had suddenly 'changed' and he felt as though I had rejected his interests. But the dynamic was always wrong for me and it just became too uncomfortable to pretend otherwise. It sounds as though the same thing has happened with your wife. She has tried to be more involved, but has realised it just isn't a natural dynamic for her. But she is willing to get involved despite this, as she knows you enjoy it. Which is more than some women would do, so she clearly cares about you and wants to make you happy.

    I wouldn't read this as your DL side not being important to her. In fact, it sounds as though she has tried to ignore all of her instincts and get involved because it's important to you. When I switched back from playing little to adult I initially wanted to go overboard on 'being an adult' again and for a few months I went into a more extreme 'domme' mode in an attempt to feel rebalanced. Later on I calmed back down and these days I can mess about occasionally and play with lego or other 'kids stuff' without feeling like it's threatening my identity at all. I imagine it would feel the same trying to act straight if you were gay or be the domme in a relationship if you were naturally completely submissive. You could pretend, but it would always feel wrong inside and eventually it would become exhausting. But it sounds as though your wife might be doing the same in her head. I say 'might' as I can only guess based on my own experiences and reactions.

    But from what you've said she doesn't doesn't have any interest in DL play herself, which isn't something she can change any more than you can get rid of your interest. You say you want her to 'mean it' rather than getting involved in your DL side just because you enjoy it. If by 'mean it' you are referring to your wife enjoying it on her own terms, realistically that will never happen. So you have a few options here. You can to settle for your wife sometimes getting involved in DL play purely for your enjoyment (and maybe you can give her something she enjoys in return). You can try to get rid of your own DL interest and either find something different that you both enjoy or stick with 'vanilla play'. Or you need to find a new partner.

    I visit other forums dedicated to non-ABDL 'fetishes' (I use that term lightly, as it isn't always sexual) and this issue comes up time and time again. People either don't discuss or choose to ignore these things before getting into a relationship and it always causes issues later down the road. Fetishes are pretty much ingrained early on in life and are extremely difficult to get rid of, even with long term therapy, so it's really something people should be open about when a relationship is starting to get serious. I hope you can find a compromise with your wife (the first option can work out well for some couples). Having been in a similar situation (although not as serious a relationship), I am sympathetic to you both. It isn't an easy thing to deal with.

    As for South African onesies... no clue!

  3. #3

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by MonkeyFrog View Post
    It's a difficult one, but unfortunately you won't be able to force her to enjoy it if that interest isn't already there. You either have DL interests or you don't. Maybe she tried to develop an interest initially, but has realised it just isn't there (hence her now 'pushing you away' when you bring up the subject). The same thing happened to me when I tried to 'act little/submissive' for an ex. I have zero AB tendancies and it feels wrong and awkward to have someone playing 'carer' to me. The sensation goes from irritating to physically sickening depending on how long I keep up the act. I tried to ignore this and pretend anyway for my ex's benefit, he started to enjoy it, then it got too frustrating and weird for me and I had to switch back into adult mode again. To my ex it seemed as though I had suddenly 'changed' and he felt as though I had rejected his interests. But the dynamic was always wrong for me and it just became too uncomfortable to pretend otherwise. It sounds as though the same thing has happened with your wife. She has tried to be more involved, but has realised it just isn't a natural dynamic for her. But she is willing to get involved despite this, as she knows you enjoy it. Which is more than some women would do, so she clearly cares about you and wants to make you happy.

    I wouldn't read this as your DL side not being important to her. In fact, it sounds as though she has tried to ignore all of her instincts and get involved because it's important to you. When I switched back from playing little to adult I initially wanted to go overboard on 'being an adult' again and for a few months I went into a more extreme 'domme' mode in an attempt to feel rebalanced. Later on I calmed back down and these days I can mess about occasionally and play with lego or other 'kids stuff' without feeling like it's threatening my identity at all. I imagine it would feel the same trying to act straight if you were gay or be the domme in a relationship if you were naturally completely submissive. You could pretend, but it would always feel wrong inside and eventually it would become exhausting. But it sounds as though your wife might be doing the same in her head. I say 'might' as I can only guess based on my own experiences and reactions.

    But from what you've said she doesn't doesn't have any interest in DL play herself, which isn't something she can change any more than you can get rid of your interest. You say you want her to 'mean it' rather than getting involved in your DL side just because you enjoy it. If by 'mean it' you are referring to your wife enjoying it on her own terms, realistically that will never happen. So you have a few options here. You can to settle for your wife sometimes getting involved in DL play purely for your enjoyment (and maybe you can give her something she enjoys in return). You can try to get rid of your own DL interest and either find something different that you both enjoy or stick with 'vanilla play'. Or you need to find a new partner.

    I visit other forums dedicated to non-ABDL 'fetishes' (I use that term lightly, as it isn't always sexual) and this issue comes up time and time again. People either don't discuss or choose to ignore these things before getting into a relationship and it always causes issues later down the road. Fetishes are pretty much ingrained early on in life and are extremely difficult to get rid of, even with long term therapy, so it's really something people should be open about when a relationship is starting to get serious. I hope you can find a compromise with your wife (the first option can work out well for some couples). Having been in a similar situation (although not as serious a relationship), I am sympathetic to you both. It isn't an easy thing to deal with.

    As for South African onesies... no clue!

    Thank you Monkeyfog for your thoughts. I really appreciate it. I understand that if you have it you have it, if you don't, you don't.

    As my wife has said to me before. I have had years to deal with my DL side, whereas she has had only months. I respect that..... I totally understand where she coming from. She is trying to understand this fetish. I was there at one point as well.

    It's all down to me really. I need to have a ton of patients with her. Which is not one of my strongest side of myself.

    I think when I first wrote this post I was very frustrated with the situation and due to my business I have been needing my wife to support me emotionally. Unfortunately she has been under a lot of stress herself so it's been a bit of fight for survival for the both of us.

    We have been married for nearly 16 years. Our relationship is very strong and I never give it up for anything. I love her to bits and that won't change.

    So it's upwards and onwards and the both of learning how to deal with this and having more open communication with me being a Daiper Lover or as we would call it in SA, a Nappy Lover.

    To add to this I have been wearing nappies more often, even down to 24/7 and have been enjoying it. In fact loving it. This is why I want to get onesies to support my nappy whilst I'm working as my work is physical.
    Looks like I'm going to have whip out the sewing machine and make my own...

  4. #4

    Default

    I can kind of relate to your situation.

    My wife and I have been together for a little over 10 years, and celebrated our 1 year marriage anniversary back in March. Early on in our relationship when things started to get serious and I felt I could trust her, I told her about my fetish. I won't get into all the specifics, but she was and still is the ONLY person I've ever shared that with. To my disbelief, she was very supportive and initially very encouraging. I felt closer to her, and our relationship grew to a whole new level.
    As time went by, months, years...she never really developed a personal interest. However, she never had a problem with me wearing around her or by myself. Never questioned any purchases or showed any discouragement towards me or my fetish. Even though she wasn't personally into it, she still would indulge in the fetish with me the odd time---whether wearing, changing one another, or other moderate (use your imagination) activities during sexy time(��) or casually(watching TV or lying in bed).

    Point being, even though she wasn't into it herself. She would participate every now n then. I respected that and her, and wouldn't ask all the time. She would get into it every so often because she could see how much I enjoyed it. We still had a great relationship and sex life. It certainly didn't define us---and 9 years later we got married!

    Sounds to me my wife can relate to yours. You're going to have to ask yourself if you're ok with your partner participating every so often and keeping it moderate when doing so(which is what most could ask for when they don't show a personal interest IMO). If you are---then I wish you the best! And if you aren't?! Well I still wish you the best, but I think it will be hard to convince her to do more. I guess I never really pushed the idea. You know you're wife better than mine, communication is ultimately the key here. Talk more about the topic, ask her to be honest and open and you the same, that's the next step.


    On a side note, my wife had an affair with a co-worked spanning a little over a month that ended 6 months ago...so what the hell do I know? lol

    - Steve

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