Should I still talk to her?

I have bad relationship with my birth parents because they emotionally abused me ( and a bit physically too).

2 years ago I found a online Mommy.

She helped me to overcome a lot of my difficulties.

I explained my AB side to her and she accepted it well. I'm currently 29 in few days and my AB side has 12, but with her full support I managed to grow up. Lately I felt like a young men of 20 years old. We talked almost everyday since 2 years.

But 3 months ago I opened up my heart to her about new shit I'm undergoing.

On the 7th of March she told me that she needs a break because she overwhelmed now and she said that some of my words hurt her but she never told me exactly which ones. She said she needs time.

I tried to contact her again a few times. I apologies for some things I said because I thought that was the things that hurt her. I also said I love her from the bottom of my heart. She never answered.

I've no news from her for over two months and I feel sad and bad. I have very dark thoughts, stronger than before I met her. I feel guilty for everything, I feel little more than ever in a bad way, I feel unsecured and I think I don't deserve to be loved.

I don't know what to think. She said that I was her wonderful boy, that a true mommy loves her boy all life long, she never lied to me, she said that I was a part of her, she said she will never abandoned me, but now when I write beautiful and lovely messages to her, she doesn't answer.

I would write to her for the French Mother day on May 29th but I don't know if it's a good idea...

I feel like an orphan ;(.

I'm lost and I start to sink...

I think you're going to have to be a bit more specific about what was it that you told her. I don't know what advice we could give you unless you give more details. I respect if you don't want to though.

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If you find yourself in a dangerous spiral where you think you might hurt yourself or others, please get emergency medical help. I don't mean to assume, but you sound like your are in a dark place, so be careful.

I wish I had good advice for you. You can't force your life experiences on somebody who is unwilling. If she needs space, you have to give it to her, especially because you care for her.

Good luck.

You have tried to reach out to her, but she is not ready to respond yet. She knows how to contact you. Give her the space and time she needs. There is nothing more that you can do, except make things worse by still trying to reach out to her. She may come back or she may not, but it is going to have to be on her terms when and if she ever feels ready.
Sorry for your loss.

I agree with all the above. The problem is that when someone needs space, persisting and continuing to contact them only reinforces their feelings that they want to get away. All you can do at this point is wait for her to contact you. If she doesn't, you have to move on. This happens to most of us when we're dating or creating relationships. It's like the song about playing poker. You have to know when to keep your cards, but also know when to fold, or in this case, quit and leave.

First of all, thanx to everybody for your answered.

I don't know what advice we could give you unless you give more details. I respect if you don't want to though.

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These last few months I fight to overcome the consequences of the emotional abuse I lived. So I asked to my mommy if she could give me new values and a new education. Then I explained to her that I think to change my first name, because when I think about it I only see the little boy and young adult who was abused by his "parents". And finally I explained to her that according to me she has 2 families: one with me and one with her other children and her husband. Now I know it's not what I feel in my heart because I consider her others children like my little brother and sister of my heart because I didn't understand her discretion at this time.

All you can do at this point is wait for her to contact you. If she doesn't, you have to move on.

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Yeah I understand that. But what is difficult to me is exactly that: I don't know when it's "time to move on"…

So according to everybody here, it's not a good idea I send her a message for even the Mothers Day or her birthday?

I think I'm starting to understand what happened. I would recommend that you go easy for a while, giver her some space and time to process things. And yes, that means not leaving any messages.

I would recommend the same to you in fact.

I believe you both had different perspectives on your relationship and interaction. To her you're probably a great friend that she enjoys spending time with and filing the role of a motherly figure, nothing too serious, meaningful yet just fun. But I think to you it became more than that. It became serious, it seems to me that you became a little obsessed with the relationship and what you were getting out of it that it distorted your view of what it really is, just two adults enjoying the company of each other, and although you can forge a deep bond with someone and have something truly meaningful and great, there's the risk of going too far, and I think you did a little bit.

However, I believe there's a really good chance that she will continue to be your mommy and spend time with you, but for that you need to give her some space and time, go easy with it and respect the fact that she sees your relationship differently.

You'll know when it's time to contact her again. When it starts to get better again and the pain of not being with her starts to fade, that is when you should contact her again, but go easy.

She is married. Now is the time to move on.

She is married. Now is the time to move on.

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I disagree with you. Since I knew my Mommy she's married and it never has been a problem until now.

I think I'm starting to understand what happened. I would recommend that you go easy for a while, giver her some space and time to process things. And yes, that means not leaving any messages.

I would recommend the same to you in fact.

I believe you both had different perspectives on your relationship and interaction. To her you're probably a great friend that she enjoys spending time with and filing the role of a motherly figure, nothing too serious, meaningful yet just fun. But I think to you it became more than that. It became serious, it seems to me that you became a little obsessed with the relationship and what you were getting out of it that it distorted your view of what it really is, just two adults enjoying the company of each other, and although you can forge a deep bond with someone and have something truly meaningful and great, there's the risk of going too far, and I think you did a little bit.

However, I believe there's a really good chance that she will continue to be your mommy and spend time with you, but for that you need to give her some space and time, go easy with it and respect the fact that she sees your relationship differently.

You'll know when it's time to contact her again. When it starts to get better again and the pain of not being with her starts to fade, that is when you should contact her again, but go easy.

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Waow, surprisingly, your answer brought me calm and serenity. Big hug :hug:
I think I'm accepting to feel like an orphan and to live alone.
So I will not write to her for the Mother's Day. I will wait that things calm down.
I feel it's the best course of action because I love her. But I hope she will never forget me or believe that I don't love her anymore.
One thing disturb me however, I still feel guilty for what I've done, and I don't managed to forgive me...

Buddy ik know to a small degree whereu come from. There is light at the endo of that tumnel. Keep ur head held high, ik u can do it, n u have good friends here. Ur stronger than u think. But if a baby is how u feel and its what makes u happy that is ok just be urself. Huggles

tewks7979 said:

Buddy ik know to a small degree whereu come from. There is light at the endo of that tumnel. Keep ur head held high, ik u can do it, n u have good friends here. Ur stronger than u think. But if a baby is how u feel and its what makes u happy that is ok just be urself. Huggles

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Thanx for your nice words.
The question for me is not "to be a baby or not". I have great difficulties to feel adult and I know it's because my "parents" abused me.
My biggest problem is that I feel unsecured. I feel like an orphan.
I would like to be loved and protected by someone.
It's the reason why I would like to find an adoptive mommy and / or an adoptive daddy who love me, protect me and give me guidance in life .

Well u know u can have the best of both worlds (baby and adult) find a mommy or daddy that can give u what u need but also have the adult side of a romantic relationship

I hope one day I will find a girlfriend or boyfriend but I don't find it yet.
I'm disabled and in France people are very judgmental about disability...

Yesterday it was my birthday and like I had anticipated she didn't write to me.
Today it's the Mothers Day and I totally feel depressed because I have no one who I truly love to wish it.
I feel so sad and angry against me and her too... :sad::wallbash:

I can understand, and I can understand why you want to keep contacting her, and why its so upsetting. I'd love to tell you that it will work out in the end, but recent events of a similar situation has brought to me new knowledge. In the end, you need to find a way to move on as best you can. The problem is that you're waiting, and theres no guarentee she'll come back, so you need to work towards forgiving yourself and her and moving on. The longer you wait, the harder it becomes to move on. If she comes back, you'll just be in a better place mentally than you were before.

something i try to remember is that your body wants to live. even if everything is awful and mentally you don't, your body will just keep on going. so fight for the body that wants to live and remember that you have tons and tons to keep fighting for even if she doesnt come back

LittleLonelyOtter said:

I can understand, and I can understand why you want to keep contacting her, and why its so upsetting. I'd love to tell you that it will work out in the end, but recent events of a similar situation has brought to me new knowledge. In the end, you need to find a way to move on as best you can. The problem is that you're waiting, and theres no guarentee she'll come back, so you need to work towards forgiving yourself and her and moving on. The longer you wait, the harder it becomes to move on. If she comes back, you'll just be in a better place mentally than you were before.

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Yeah, you exactly understood how I feel.
The waiting makes me suffer. Sometimes, I say to myself that the best course of actions is beginning to look for another Mommy but I scared to find someone and suddenly she appears and say "hey it's me"… So I would don't know what to do because I still love her.

something i try to remember is that your body wants to live. even if everything is awful and mentally you don't, your body will just keep on going. so fight for the body that wants to live and remember that you have tons and tons to keep fighting for even if she doesnt come back

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Yeah now I understand that to find a balance in my life I need to find a Mommy / a Family you loves me and guide me in my life. So I hope I will find someone again .

I felt so bad yesterday and now.
It seems I have a black hole in my heart.
I would write to her to call her to help ...

I bet and i am sorry for how ur feeling. *gives u a big bear sized hug*. Huggles

Finally, after a very long discussion with ly psychologist I wrote a new message to my mommy because I had a lot of unanswered questions that went over and over in my head and I didn't managed to go ahead…

So I put down all these questions and I sent a very gentle message to her.That way, the future of our relationship is not on my shoulders anymore and I can think about other stuffs. I asked her if she could explained me my mistakes and in case of it is our last message, to conclude I said a HUGE Thank you to her for every things she has given to me and I said that I will never forget her.

Then I cried a little bit :sad:

Sometimes, even if it hurts, things must come to an end to allow us to move on...