Should I still talk to her?

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I was in much the same situation as you. I had a stepfather who absolutely tortured me as a child. for most of my younger life. Things I will only get into if you really must know. When i was 12 he ended all of it with suicide. In front of me.
I have spet my entire life trying to deal with it. By myself. With no one really to talk to.
then his daughter who i grew up with found me on facebook. And in one night EVERYTHING came flooding back.
Not trying to one up your situation at all. Just showing you I know what you are going through.
My wife/mommy got the brunt of it the next day. She didnt want to be there for me at all and told me to get over it.
We fought and fought for days on end.

The reason being is that's a lot for mommy to have to deal with! She needed time to process and sort through all of the info.
We are back on stable ground but it took some time. Just give her space. Did she say she didn't want to be your mommy any more?
So give your mommy time. She may have other things going on in her life, and she just needs to process.
However, I am more than happy to talk with you if you so choose about what has occurred in your life.
If you want to talk just send me a message.
 
Hi Babypuma,

I understand your point of view but I I really was in a turmoil these last few days and months.
Before we chatted everyday together and suddenly she doesn't give me news for over 3 months. Not even a smile or "hi"…
Her last message said that she "needs a break". Usually in France when you say it, it means more or less "I want to stop". Few lines later she just explained that she "saturated". And finally she refused to give me a hug.
These last few months I burst in tears very easily, I had anxiety attacks and bulimia and all my thoughts was focus on her. I couldn't do something else.
So yes, I know she needs time and space, but basically I just asked her "Why, what happens".
Maybe I've done the wrong choice but finally I feel so better now….
 
I am glad you feel better. Big hugs! Its a lot ot go through, but in the end we come out stronger.
 
Everything is far from perfect but I was so much down that It's a good start ;)
Thanx for the hug
 
Just a quick message to tell you that I've found a male caretaker!
Baby is sooooo happy!!
 
Huzzah
 
I feel a need to chime in having read through most of the thread. I know this situation. I've been there time and time again. Finding a caregiver especially online is complicated. It seems that you found much of your own answers with some compassion from the community this is good. I would offer two bits of advice first if you can avoid getting so deep into feeling for a caregiver or try to temper it. As littles/ABs we feel deeply and this can lead us to feel fuller and more quickly than others. Just try to let the relationship bloom slowly and keep some degree of adult precaution in mind. The second piece is I've had many online mommies each one eventually left me behind. From this I say if or when it happens remind yourself it'll get better. It will, I promise. Also I would say treat an online caregiver as a friend maybe even a best friend. Try not to go further. Past that level is a point you should only go into if you have discussed it as an adult with your CG and I would argue it'd be best to be in an actual relationship first. I would also add that it may be good to keep enough distance to know that the relationship of CGL online may not last forever. Even if you may not want it to. Your best bet long term is to find a partner romantically who is accepting. People lead busy lives and they may hit s point as you've experienced where having a little just doesn't work anymore. The problem with online is that there is a degree of disconnect. Most people never feel as close to you as you may them. In some ways it's easier to leave an online relationship because you rarely have to face the harm you've done.
 
She is married. Now is the time to move on. Thats all
 
(My post only applies to Caretaker/ab dating relationships)

In my own opinion, particularly with female caretakers, you have to balance the scales of the compassion and attention that they pay you, as well as providing them with support in the physical world.
for long distance this can be difficult especially. it can be draining and debilitating to be leaned on constantly, When a caretaker dreads directly hurting their AB, it can be tempting to cut ties quickly and completely.

Without the added physical interactions for non long distance relationship, the chance to reciprocate that support to a caretaker is greatly diminished.


I offer no solutions. only observations.

-Mattling
 
kashi said:
I feel a need to chime in having read through most of the thread. I know this situation. I've been there time and time again. Finding a caregiver especially online is complicated. It seems that you found much of your own answers with some compassion from the community this is good. I would offer two bits of advice first if you can avoid getting so deep into feeling for a caregiver or try to temper it. As littles/ABs we feel deeply and this can lead us to feel fuller and more quickly than others. Just try to let the relationship bloom slowly and keep some degree of adult precaution in mind. The second piece is I've had many online mommies each one eventually left me behind. From this I say if or when it happens remind yourself it'll get better. It will, I promise. Also I would say treat an online caregiver as a friend maybe even a best friend. Try not to go further. Past that level is a point you should only go into if you have discussed it as an adult with your CG and I would argue it'd be best to be in an actual relationship first. I would also add that it may be good to keep enough distance to know that the relationship of CGL online may not last forever. Even if you may not want it to. Your best bet long term is to find a partner romantically who is accepting. People lead busy lives and they may hit s point as you've experienced where having a little just doesn't work anymore. The problem with online is that there is a degree of disconnect. Most people never feel as close to you as you may them. In some ways it's easier to leave an online relationship because you rarely have to face the harm you've done.
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Thank you for your advice. I think you're totally right. According to my own experience I would add that you should never expect that a relation with a caregiver will fill all our cracks. It's already very good if this relation give us more stability. As you said, we as AB, feel things at a deeper level but we should never forget that the others don't feel things like us, so we also must keep in mind that if we open up our heart too much, the person who care for us may be afraid and leaving us…

Just a quick message to tell you that I've found a male caretaker!
Click to expand...

Well, in fact it was a false start...
 
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