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Thread: Should I still talk to her?

  1. #1

    Default Should I still talk to her?

    I have bad relationship with my birth parents because they emotionally abused me ( and a bit physically too).

    2 years ago I found a online Mommy.

    She helped me to overcome a lot of my difficulties.

    I explained my AB side to her and she accepted it well. I'm currently 29 in few days and my AB side has 12, but with her full support I managed to grow up. Lately I felt like a young men of 20 years old. We talked almost everyday since 2 years.

    But 3 months ago I opened up my heart to her about new shit I'm undergoing.

    On the 7th of March she told me that she needs a break because she overwhelmed now and she said that some of my words hurt her but she never told me exactly which ones. She said she needs time.

    I tried to contact her again a few times. I apologies for some things I said because I thought that was the things that hurt her. I also said I love her from the bottom of my heart. She never answered.

    I've no news from her for over two months and I feel sad and bad. I have very dark thoughts, stronger than before I met her. I feel guilty for everything, I feel little more than ever in a bad way, I feel unsecured and I think I don't deserve to be loved.

    I don't know what to think. She said that I was her wonderful boy, that a true mommy loves her boy all life long, she never lied to me, she said that I was a part of her, she said she will never abandoned me, but now when I write beautiful and lovely messages to her, she doesn't answer.

    I would write to her for the French Mother day on May 29th but I don't know if it's a good idea...

    I feel like an orphan ;(.

    I'm lost and I start to sink...
    Last edited by Ghost01; 13-May-2016 at 22:27.

  2. #2

    Default

    I think you're going to have to be a bit more specific about what was it that you told her. I don't know what advice we could give you unless you give more details. I respect if you don't want to though.

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  3. #3

    Default

    If you find yourself in a dangerous spiral where you think you might hurt yourself or others, please get emergency medical help. I don't mean to assume, but you sound like your are in a dark place, so be careful.

    I wish I had good advice for you. You can't force your life experiences on somebody who is unwilling. If she needs space, you have to give it to her, especially because you care for her.

    Good luck.

  4. #4

    Default

    You have tried to reach out to her, but she is not ready to respond yet. She knows how to contact you. Give her the space and time she needs. There is nothing more that you can do, except make things worse by still trying to reach out to her. She may come back or she may not, but it is going to have to be on her terms when and if she ever feels ready.
    Sorry for your loss.

  5. #5

    Default

    I agree with all the above. The problem is that when someone needs space, persisting and continuing to contact them only reinforces their feelings that they want to get away. All you can do at this point is wait for her to contact you. If she doesn't, you have to move on. This happens to most of us when we're dating or creating relationships. It's like the song about playing poker. You have to know when to keep your cards, but also know when to fold, or in this case, quit and leave.

  6. #6

    Default

    First of all, thanx to everybody for your answered.



    I don't know what advice we could give you unless you give more details. I respect if you don't want to though.
    These last few months I fight to overcome the consequences of the emotional abuse I lived. So I asked to my mommy if she could give me new values and a new education. Then I explained to her that I think to change my first name, because when I think about it I only see the little boy and young adult who was abused by his "parents". And finally I explained to her that according to me she has 2 families: one with me and one with her other children and her husband. Now I know it's not what I feel in my heart because I consider her others children like my little brother and sister of my heart because I didn't understand her discretion at this time.



    All you can do at this point is wait for her to contact you. If she doesn't, you have to move on.
    Yeah I understand that. But what is difficult to me is exactly that: I don't know when it's "time to move on"…

    So according to everybody here, it's not a good idea I send her a message for even the Mothers Day or her birthday?

  7. #7

    Default

    I think I'm starting to understand what happened. I would recommend that you go easy for a while, giver her some space and time to process things. And yes, that means not leaving any messages.

    I would recommend the same to you in fact.

    I believe you both had different perspectives on your relationship and interaction. To her you're probably a great friend that she enjoys spending time with and filing the role of a motherly figure, nothing too serious, meaningful yet just fun. But I think to you it became more than that. It became serious, it seems to me that you became a little obsessed with the relationship and what you were getting out of it that it distorted your view of what it really is, just two adults enjoying the company of each other, and although you can forge a deep bond with someone and have something truly meaningful and great, there's the risk of going too far, and I think you did a little bit.

    However, I believe there's a really good chance that she will continue to be your mommy and spend time with you, but for that you need to give her some space and time, go easy with it and respect the fact that she sees your relationship differently.

    You'll know when it's time to contact her again. When it starts to get better again and the pain of not being with her starts to fade, that is when you should contact her again, but go easy.

  8. #8

    Default

    She is married. Now is the time to move on.

  9. #9

    Default



    She is married. Now is the time to move on.
    I disagree with you. Since I knew my Mommy she's married and it never has been a problem until now.



    I think I'm starting to understand what happened. I would recommend that you go easy for a while, giver her some space and time to process things. And yes, that means not leaving any messages.

    I would recommend the same to you in fact.

    I believe you both had different perspectives on your relationship and interaction. To her you're probably a great friend that she enjoys spending time with and filing the role of a motherly figure, nothing too serious, meaningful yet just fun. But I think to you it became more than that. It became serious, it seems to me that you became a little obsessed with the relationship and what you were getting out of it that it distorted your view of what it really is, just two adults enjoying the company of each other, and although you can forge a deep bond with someone and have something truly meaningful and great, there's the risk of going too far, and I think you did a little bit.

    However, I believe there's a really good chance that she will continue to be your mommy and spend time with you, but for that you need to give her some space and time, go easy with it and respect the fact that she sees your relationship differently.

    You'll know when it's time to contact her again. When it starts to get better again and the pain of not being with her starts to fade, that is when you should contact her again, but go easy.
    Waow, surprisingly, your answer brought me calm and serenity. Big hug
    I think I'm accepting to feel like an orphan and to live alone.
    So I will not write to her for the Mother's Day. I will wait that things calm down.
    I feel it's the best course of action because I love her. But I hope she will never forget me or believe that I don't love her anymore.
    One thing disturb me however, I still feel guilty for what I've done, and I don't managed to forgive me...

  10. #10

    Default

    Buddy ik know to a small degree whereu come from. There is light at the endo of that tumnel. Keep ur head held high, ik u can do it, n u have good friends here. Ur stronger than u think. But if a baby is how u feel and its what makes u happy that is ok just be urself. Huggles

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