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Thread: What constitutes cheating in an ageplay/ABDL relationship?

  1. #1

    Default What constitutes cheating in an ageplay/ABDL relationship?

    A very bold, contrarian, inflammatory question...don't read if easily upset!

    I was recently contacted on another website by someone seeking to be my daddy. He wrote me kind and stimulating things to make me feel little. It's kind of nice, and even tempting, though I'm happily married and in love with my wife/mommy.

    I am wondering if others have been tempted to 'cheat' within the contest of an AB relationship and what that even means. Is playing with others seen as cheating? I understand there is something that feels wrong about it, especially by being parented by someone else, but what's the difference between being parented and having playmates?

    Real kids don't have exclusive relationships with their parents. Kids have to share between siblings and they are cared for by extended family, hired help, and teachers.

    Is it cheating if I go to Preschool Mastermind, the new adult preschool in Brooklyn?

    I know people have different views on what it means to be "sexual" in the context of ABDL and so views on this may vary. But I think of myself as primarily autoerotic (as biological children are - meaning sexually gratified by oneself - even if 'with' a partner) and am sexually stimulated by, as Rosalie Bent describes, "authentic experiences" of childhood.

    It's not cheating on a parent to play with the other parent or be babysat. So where is the line in this world? I know ultimately it's whatever my partner is comfortable with, and I don't plan to do anything without talking to her first, but what are the risks and rewards of stepping out of baby/mommy monogamy?

  2. #2


    I think given that we're on the fringes of society, it's not easy to answer these questions broadly. People in a relationship can already determine for themselves what constitutes cheating, so I don't think we can expect anything less of an ageplay or other fringe relationship.

    This was one of the first things I discussed when getting into caregiving with a friend and it would be high on the list for any other relationship of that kind. Don't expect that just because a thing seems innocent or scandalous to you that it is considered to be by others involved. Work these things out in advance but also expect that missteps may occur.

  3. #3


    For a relationship you are already in - I'd have to agree that you already know what would be considered cheating. You know your partner best and the nature of your existing relationship. You can also just start asking them things to see if it's a go or no-go.

    I have play partners all in solid relationships before I came along. I'm pretty good friends with my best friend's wife. They were engaged when I started hanging around and playing with husband to be, he makes a good babysitter/uncle. There is also a gay couple I play with, both are littles. I suggest that if you find yourself in a situation like mine. Talk to the people you play with and ask what sort of limits the relationship you share will have. This way you won't step on their spouse's toes or tempt their partner into stepping over the line. Both couples I play with are pretty open but each has their own limits and ideas of what should go on, what could go on, and what will not go on.

    Rather than trying to steal time with somebody's partner I try to see what I can give to an even larger relationship. My friend has food sensitivities, but his wife and I don't and like common foods - so if I'm visiting we plan dinner. She likes planning events but sometimes doesn't know what littles would like most, so I tell her how certain activities would ideally work, and how bunches of crazy ageplayers would end up making it work. Other times if I'm doing side work at my buddy's house I try to make myself scarce so I don't bug the heck out of them.

    I spend a bit more time and effort taking all the other connections into consideration and then see where I fit in. Kind of have to. You may also want to ask how much time a relationship might be allowed to consume. My friends regularly tell me - btw we are doing X thing at Y time, it would be appreciated if you weren't around. A daddy I've been idly chatting with will talk and be really sweet, then disappear due to work, will talk about hanging out, then doesn't show. So you don't want to lead people on either.

  4. #4


    I think the solution is easy. Ask your wife and see how she feels about it. If you feel you can't ask your wife and you want to go behind her back, then you already know it would be wrong.

  5. #5


    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    I think the solution is easy. Ask your wife and see how she feels about it. If you feel you can't ask your wife and you want to go behind her back, then you already know it would be wrong.


  6. #6


    Yep. If you are doing it behind your partner's back, or against their consent then it is cheating. What you are doing may be completely platonic, but it is also extremely intimate. Be open about your desires and make it known that you will respect your partners wishes whatever they may be. Also; if she says she's okay with it but her body language and/or voice indicate otherwise then don't go through with it, you will just end up dealing with hurt feelings down the line.

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