How to show support?

My partner is a Dl and i found his nappies and basically forced him to tell me.
This has pushed his limits as he wasnt ready to tell me (diapers have cost him several previous relationships). I dont want to push him away but i need him to know i support him.
So for you other diaper wearers how do your loved ones show you support?
What can i do? What shouldnt i do?
Thanks
Fluke

Well first off hi. Do uk if he is a ab or just dl?

First of all don't freak out. I'm sure he probably could be very worried right now especially considering his past relationships so what I would honestly do is have an open-minded heart to heart chat with with him about everything. It will give him a chance to fully explain everything and it will also give you a chance to show your love and support. He'll warm up to you and open up more as you show more love towards him in being supportive and non-judgmental

legokid said:

First of all don't freak out. I'm sure he probably could be very worried right now especially considering his past relationships so what I would honestly do is have an open-minded heart to heart chat with with him about everything. It will give him a chance to fully explain everything and it will also give you a chance to show your love and support. He'll warm up to you and open up more as you show more love towards him in being supportive and non-judgmental

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Also hold his hand and look into hos eyes and do ur best to comfort him. By holding his hand and looking into his eyes u reasure him that its okay and ur there for him. And do all this and how u respond do all in love and patience.huggles

Sometimes words are not needed to say that you support him, leave a diaper out and a pair of comfortable pants on the bed with a post it smiley face note on the diaper, he doesn't necessarily need put it on, but seeing that will ease the tention if you truly support him.

I think that is a good twist in showing support.

tewks7979 said:

Well first off hi. Do uk if he is a ab or just dl?

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He is just a dl.
It hasnt evolved into ab, not sure it will.

Ive tried to talk but he just shuts down, its becoming this big awkward elephant in the room. As soon as i bring it up he leaves the room. I left a post it on his pull ups with a smiley face and a heart saying i love him. (Pampers suggestion thanks)
He clearly wasnt ready to share this with me and he was prepared for my rejection not support.

Ok leave it alone u can try one other thing its up to u. If u notice he is low u can buy him more. Just dont say anything. He is prob in shock cause he is used to rejection. Just keep showing love and support and if u believe in god pray about it

Try to decide how much of this you'd like to be a part of. Just because you're a couple doesn't mean you have to do what the other one does. Chances are your partner would like you to participate in some way, but don't force yourself to. "I'd rather not get involved with that, but I'm fine with your doing what you want to do" is a perfectly acceptable response.

That being said, if you do want to get your feet wet, ask questions, ask for an introduction, try a lilttle participation and see if your'e comfortable with it, and ease into it if it's comfortable to you. There are many levels of support and participation, starting with acceptance. Your simply seeing them wearing their diaper is a step, so is talking about diapers.

When my wife found out and I explained how I felt, she asked me if I had enough supplies. I think it was the nicest thing she could have done. Since then she's bought all sorts of things from plushies, onsiest, sippy cups and diapers.

bambinod said:

That being said, if you do want to get your feet wet, ask questions, ask for an introduction...

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If your feet get wet, you're putting the diaper on wrong! :tongueout:

Flukeas said:

Ive tried to talk but he just shuts down, its becoming this big awkward elephant in the room. As soon as i bring it up he leaves the room. I left a post it on his pull ups with a smiley face and a heart saying i love him. (Pampers suggestion thanks)
He clearly wasnt ready to share this with me and he was prepared for my rejection not support.

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I've never told anyone in "real life" about wearing diapers... So, if someone confronted me about it, I'd totally panic! It's weird to discover that you like something... weird... And although I've got used to the idea myself, it would take me some time to get used to the idea of someone else knowing about it.

So... I'd give your boyfriend a bit of space to let him process your discovery and acceptance. I'm sure you have lots of questions, and the problem might be that he just doesn't know how to answer them. Maybe he just wears diapers as a "private thing" without your involvement, or maybe he would like you to become involved but doesn't want to scare you away. Maybe your relationship is more important to him than the diapers and having fully expected you to leave him if you found out, he doesn't want to rock the boat. Maybe he's not even ready to accept himself, in which case it can be jarring to have someone else accept you...? Who knows!

We don't know your boyfriend, and everyone's different, but I'm sure many of us would be happy to answer any general questions you might have.

My advice would be to relax and be patient. Don't pretend that you have forgotten about it, but don't make a big thing of it either. Just carry on being a great, accepting girlfriend, and hopefully he will realise that he can be open with you about everything, the barriers will come down, and in time this shared openness will bring you even closer.

Or, for riskier tactics, you could surprise him one day by suddenly appearing in a diaper and t-shirt. He'll either have a total meltdown and run out of the door having no idea how to handle the situation, or it will dawn on him that you really don't mind and everything's going to be cool and he can tell you everything.

Just my random, unqualified thoughts. Good luck! It's always amazing to hear from an accepting partner -- I think most of us expect others would have a hard time accepting us, so it's great to hear that there really are open-minded accepting people out there. :smile:

My wife has been brilliant since I started wearing nappies and knows I enjoy them now and has no problem with it.

bambinod said:

Try to decide how much of this you'd like to be a part of. Just because you're a couple doesn't mean you have to do what the other one does. Chances are your partner would like you to participate in some way, but don't force yourself to. "I'd rather not get involved with that, but I'm fine with your doing what you want to do" is a perfectly acceptable response.

That being said, if you do want to get your feet wet, ask questions, ask for an introduction, try a lilttle participation and see if your'e comfortable with it, and ease into it if it's comfortable to you. There are many levels of support and participation, starting with acceptance. Your simply seeing them wearing their diaper is a step, so is talking about diapers.

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Sorry if this is a dumb question... but by getting involved does thag mean i wear them to?

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tiny said:

If your feet get wet, you're putting the diaper on wrong! :tongueout:


Hahahahaha!

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Does dl usually lead to ab? Or are they two seperate things? Ive only found diapers so guessing he isnt an ab...
I dont even know where to start asking if he actually uses them or if he just wears them. He dosnt wear them when we go out so i guessing its just a private thing. We are moving in together in three days (both our leases were up and it made sence)
What kind of limits do couples put on the diaper wearer in a relationship?

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Flukeas said:

Sorry if this is a dumb question... but by getting involved does thag mean i wear them to?

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Absolutely not. Simply being tolerant / accepting of them wearing around you (even if not visible!) is one degree of acceptance. Being OK with them hanging out in the living room watching TV in a diaper a a T shirt, that's another level. You could get more involved by watching them change, discussing diapers in more detail, or even helping them. (your partner would probably be absolutely floored by an offer to put on or change their diaper) Will you be ok with them using their diaper at all? Or around you? are you OK with changing a used diaper? Again all different levels of participation and you haven't even unbuckled your belt yet.

Diving in deper, again they'd probably be thrilled to see you try a diaper yourself, even if to just put it on and model for them a bit. You might find you really like to cuddle together on the couch with both fo you just in a diaper, t, and some nice white socks But neither of you should have any expecations in advance. You have to be willing to try something knowing you may not like it. If you don't like it, tell them, and don't feel obligated to that again. And they shouldn't expect you to do anything you find don't like, and shouldn't push you to try something you're not comfortable with. You may surprise yourself though in finding aspects of this you didn't know you were going to enjoy or discover you actually really like.

Diaper changes can be a very intimate thing, a very strong bonding experience, and you may find you really enjoy diapering/changing them, or them you, or both! Just take it in steps so you don't suddenly find yourself in a place you really don't like.

Keep it fun and enjoyable, but don't be afraid to say "I don't want to go any farther than this just yet..."

bambinod said:

Absolutely not. Simply being tolerant / accepting of them wearing around you (even if not visible!) is one degree of acceptance. Being OK with them hanging out in the living room watching TV in a diaper a a T shirt, that's another level. You could get more involved by watching them change, discussing diapers in more detail, or even helping them. (your partner would probably be absolutely floored by an offer to put on or change their diaper) Will you be ok with them using their diaper at all? Or around you? are you OK with changing a used diaper? Again all different levels of participation and you haven't even unbuckled your belt yet.

Diving in deper, again they'd probably be thrilled to see you try a diaper yourself, even if to just put it on and model for them a bit. You might find you really like to cuddle together on the couch with both fo you just in a diaper, t, and some nice white socks But neither of you should have any expecations in advance. You have to be willing to try something knowing you may not like it. If you don't like it, tell them, and don't feel obligated to that again. And they shouldn't expect you to do anything you find don't like, and shouldn't push you to try something you're not comfortable with. You may surprise yourself though in finding aspects of this you didn't know you were going to enjoy or discover you actually really like.

Diaper changes can be a very intimate thing, a very strong bonding experience, and you may find you really enjoy diapering/changing them, or them you, or both! Just take it in steps so you don't suddenly find yourself in a place you really don't like.

Keep it fun and enjoyable, but don't be afraid to say "I don't want to go any farther than this just yet..."

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Ah ok thanks for explaining that!.
Im fine with him wearing them around the house ect ( just them or with a tshirt he dosnt have to hide them) happy to help put them on.
Ummm i dont know about changing yet...
Ive had 2 children so used to the idea and probably would if it was just wee but not sure if i would ever be comfortable changing a nu 2 for him.
I snuck some more diapers into his stash but couldnt find his usual ones so bought diffrent ones.
He still wont talk with me about it at all.

Just be patient. Let him bring it up. Show him your love and support in other ways. Do fun things that show him you're still the same person, and that things haven't changed.

The simple fact that you're here puts you ahead of 99% of spouses. So be kind to yourself, and take care of first things first. Do things you both enjoy, and diapers will come up when he's ready to talk.

Flukeas said:

Ah ok thanks for explaining that!.
Im fine with him wearing them around the house ect ( just them or with a tshirt he dosnt have to hide them) happy to help put them on.
Ummm i dont know about changing yet...
Ive had 2 children so used to the idea and probably would if it was just wee but not sure if i would ever be comfortable changing a nu 2 for him.
I snuck some more diapers into his stash but couldnt find his usual ones so bought diffrent ones.
He still wont talk with me about it at all.

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It took me probably more than a year after my girlfriend found out to be really open about it. Don't try to rush things. It may takes quite a bit of time for both of you.

My girlfriend made a topic somewhat close to the problem you have a while ago : here.
You may find it an insightful read thanks to the replies she got. You can also use the search function to find other topics related to this issue.

If talking about it is an issue for your partner, maybe you can find other way to communicate. He might be more at ease writing to you, for example.
Also, you both need (at some point) to address this fear he has that makes him avoid the subject instead of the subject itself. To clarify, why doesn't he want to talk about it ? Does he fear rejection ? Does he still hate himself about it ? Does he think he might lose you if he confides in you ? etc.

Best advices I can give you on this specific matter is to show/tell that you love him no matter what and that you will support him.
Don't rush things and find a way to communicate.
And don't forget that you have needs and limits too and you don't have to accept everything as well.

You need to find a situation that benefits both of you.

One minor hint based on experience: Even if this might sound weird to some, it helped me and my spouse in the past to communicate by writing (either on paper or emails, whatever) about things one of us was not able to talk face to face about out of embarrassment or whatever may have been the reason. It can be a tool to get things across and stay in touch about difficult subjects. It made it easier to talk about it face to face later on. You could try this if you like, but if you feel you might push him by prying more, then feel free to ignore this posting.

~edit
Koda beat me to it, didn't read the whole thread before posting

Flukeas said:

My partner is a Dl and i found his nappies and basically forced him to tell me.
This has pushed his limits as he wasnt ready to tell me (diapers have cost him several previous relationships). I dont want to push him away but i need him to know i support him.
So for you other diaper wearers how do your loved ones show you support?
What can i do? What shouldnt i do?
Thanks
Fluke

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Hey! I'm not a DL, but my boyfriend is ABDL. I found out through one of our friends. It was really rough for him. It was a huge elephant in the room for us for a long time, but I just let him have his space. Eventually he owned up and told me to ask him any questions so that I wouldn't have to come here or look online for help. Now it's just part of our relationship. I participate in what I feel comfortable with. Don't feel like you HAVE to participate. Just accepting is sometimes enough. He should respect your boundaries just as you should respect his. If he doesn't want you to participate, then leave him be to his own private hobby.

It sounds like you're really open and supportive though! That's so awesome! Here are some things that I've tried to make my boyfriend feel a little more confident around me. Maybe you could try some of these if he's also AB.
Take him to the store and help him pick out toys, bottles, etc.
Got him a sleeper for Valentines Day
Encouraged him to wear in public
Acknowledged that this is just a part of him that you're learning to love too
Got him stuffed animals
Listened. Make him feel heard instead of rejected or belittled.
Insisted that he's still my Superman
Show that you don't think of him any differently. Treat him exactly the same otherwise.
Tell him he's cute.

If you ever need to vent or have any questions, feel free to message me. I hope he comes around soon.

If someone found out about something I kept private, I'd like them to just say that they found out and that it's not a big deal, then drop it and let me further the conversation on my own terms. If they made assumptions that e.g. I must feel embarrassed, or need comforting, or whatever, I'd be displeased with them. Now if they felt uncomfortable and needed to tell me about it, that'd be fine, as long as they own their discomfort rather than projecting it as if I'm embarrassed. So I'd say to not make a big deal of it, especially if they are edgy about it from previous experiences. Just say your piece and let it drop.