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Thread: My current work situation

  1. #1

    Default My current work situation

    Before we begin, this was written on phone with fat thumbs, if you spot any words that don't make sense, that is autocorrect+fat fingers

    For those of you who still live at home. What would you do if your mom said "I am going to go to your workplace with you just to watch how you work, then I am going to call your boss and ask how you are doing" even though you are a legal adult and she has no business sticking her nose in your affairs.

    This was the argument I had with my mom. I got a job 2 weeks ago delivering newspapers, as with most lines of this first ever real job you get, you make some mistakes the first week or so, but you learn from them and are better off for it, it was the case with me, I made some mistakes, learned from them, and moved on. But to my mom, making mistakes was worth getting a lecture, telling me how my aunt who has done this for years doesn't make mistakes and even said she would be following me while I deliver the papers, just to see how I do it (and critisize me a lot if I know her at all) she also said she would call my boss to hear about his I am doing.

    I am turning 19 next week (8th of may, close enough). I am a legal adult, I applied for the job, I get payed for the job, yet its mom's responsibility that it is done correctly because she can't. Ever. Let. Go!

    When I started doing this, my step dad asked me if I wanted help the first few days, he had experience with this job from his younger years and could help me get started. So he did, the first 4 days he woke up at 5:30 AM to help me carry out The papers. My mom on the other hand, forces her oppinions on me and stares at me while I slave away, all while constantly asking me why and how I do it like this, and telling me what I am doing wrong.

    Last thing I wanted to touch on is the hour I do it. I am a nyctophile, I love the night, its my favorite time of the day. I would never want to sacrifice my precious night time by going to sleep before sundown and wake up at sunrise, I hate the sun. I am the kind that stays awake during the night, goes out at 4 am when the papers arrive at my house, and go to sleep after. I still do my chores, I still do my share in the household, but still my mom is actively trying to get me to change this because I am alseep to long. I usually wake up around 3-4 pm. Then spend all day and night on the computer. My mom wants me to wake up earlier, for nothing, just for the sole reason to wake me up earlier, when I told her "no problem, just wake me up earlier" it was a huge problem for her because it is supposed to be my responsibility to wake up early.... for nothing, to spend more of the day on the computer. If she wants me up early, she has to wake me up early.

    I am at a loss... I don't know what to do, she has always been like this and will always be like this. What should I do? This job pays way too little to be able to move out, I can't to most jobs due to many physical and mental disabilities, I can't do any sales jobs because I freak out in loud crowds of people, such as grocery stores, I can't do manual labor due to physical limitations, and not many other jobs are hiring that would accept my skillset and experience, which are next to none.

    What should I do? What should I tell her to back off? I am seriously at a loss here.

  2. #2


    I definitely don't have as strict of a situation as you do, But I have muscled through a similar situation with my mom. From the way it sounds, your stepdad does seem fairly supportive and could help you out, my dad ended up helping me a ton since he and I are both super introverted. We enjoy hanging out and socializing, but we demand alone time eventually. At the same time though he did give me a whole lecture on being empathetic with my mom since she always wants to talk to everyone. She'll get more and more frustrated with me as I try to avoid her. In my situation I just have to understand that being able to communicate with someone really helps her calm down and keeps her happy the way she should be.

    But skipping a lot of my story, me and my mom had to work out a middle ground to where I'm not to be bothered in my room, but if I'm out of my room then she can talk to me all she wants, it's all fair game. TBT that actually helped us out a boatload and we've been hanging out quite a bit.

    It's just important to understand that parents can be flat out obsessive about their kids, maybe her intentions are good. But the absolute truth is that she SHOULD NOT have a choice to whether or not she see's how you work. That's completely up to since you are an adult. Like medical information, you can share it if you want, but if someone infringes on your privacy, that's both legally and morally wrong.

  3. #3


    This is your job so it should be up to you to handle it as you see fit. It's a shame she can't understand that.

    For one thing, constantly pestering your boss about your performance is probably not a good idea. If I were a boss/manager and a parent of one of my employees kept bugging me about their performance, I'd be pretty annoyed by that. Either I'd be satisfied enough with the performance of my employees or if I can't get the performance from them I want I'd fire them, plain and simple. Either way, your mom being aware of your performance has no bearing on your employment. It's only your employer's opinion on your performance that matters and her intervention would probably only make things worse. Your boss doesn't need (nor want) someone telling him or her how to manage their employees.

    Secondly, you said you've only had the job two weeks so far. It's waaaaaay too early to even start worrying about your performance. You're still learning and training and haven't actually gotten into your real pace of things yet. I have a feeling your mom may not care about this much, but maybe after a few months if you're still not getting the hang of things, then it's time to get a little worried or to start thinking of looking for a better fit. And if it does get to this, this will be your responsibility, not your mom's.

    Unfortunately, if it's her roof you're living under, then she can harass you and try to force her opinions on you as long as you're living there. So until you can move out and support yourself, there's always the possibility that whoever is supporting you will try to use their position to influence you.

  4. #4


    If my Mom had done something like this, I would just tell her to go F herself. However, I would not recommend doing that XD.

  5. #5


    Honestly if one of my employees Mothers contacted me to see how they were doing I would tell her absolutely zero, your Mom is your Mom for life ,however her attempting to meddle in your job is not right normal or appropriate unless it's her families business that you are an employee of, or say she was a Nurse for 40 years and you became a Nurse she could share her wisdom and experience with you at home in off duty time,but as stated above you are very early in your position and an evaluation of your performance is way premature, you need to develope your own Rythym and manner of completing your tasks to your and your employers satisfaction, your dad having had experience offered a hand if you wanted it, that's normal and healthy, your Mom no offense intended sounds like she needs some Psychiatric help in dealing with her emotions. Most parents just want what's best for there kids and will attempt to guide you on a path to dodge the major bad experiences and choices in life, however ones life is not a spectator sport,you need to live it and do it and when it comes to kids the parent needs to recognize you will by human nature not take the easy path they try and set you on, you will follow the one that's a minefield and learn from those experiences, you can't be told how to handle something, you need to experience it good or bad and learn from it and incorporate that into your life and personality, we all become adults this way, your Mom still sounds like she will not be happy unless you do it her way to her expectations even if she knows absolutely zero about the topic. To get her to lighten up you need to make her think her input is helpfull and wanted even if it its not. Also your Mom may be looking at your disabilities and thinking you require the help, you need to express to her any of your physical or mental disabilities are your personal issues, something few people get right is, are you disabled or does everyone just treat you that way? Meaning you live with your disabilities Wether they be physical or mental or both but they are your "Normal" and other people can not look at your disabilities and really determine the impact they have on your life, they can only reflect on your limitations by what the Doctors have told them, and one disabled guy to another we know that people looking in at us even "Expert" Doctors sell us short and have no real clue how much anything does or does not affect you. You seem intelligent and passionate and will rise to meet your challenges to the best you can , and Mom will have no impact on that other than to not give you enough credit for your accomplishments and strengths and be really irritating in the process, you will succeed or fail at whatever you undertake on your own merits, she is not going to influence it in anyway by meddling, she needs to learn this . And please don't take this as an attack on you ,it is not but at 18 or 19 we usually think we have a good grasp on things whereas when we hit 30 we look back and realize we didn't have a handle on anything, because we lacked perspective. You seem to have a greater perspective and level of maturity because of your disabilities ( and this is common, in my experience as I work as a volunteer skills trainer with people with all kinds of disabilities ) so let Mama bear meddle until she learns her lesson and stops, just try not to get irritated to badly and argue with her, come here to the forum and vent about it when you need to rather than bitch her out, because letting her "rattle" you will only prolong your suffering and prevent her from seeing the truth and learning from it.

    These are just my opinions and observations of people's behaviours, as parents who have children with disabilities seem to learn this much later on , they fail to see your strengths because they are focused on your perceived "weakness".

    Also try and set some boundries, at home with my Mom the boundries were if we are in our bedroom we want to be left alone unless the house is on fire,if we wanted company and to socialize we hung out in the living room or kitchen.
    Try not to isolate by staying in your room set time aside to socialize,as long as you do this the boundary will work and you will be left alone in your room as needed, however if you isolate and don't leave time available for open dialog in "public" areas people will feel justifued with coming and bothering you whenever they have something to say or ask because you don't leave time for "public apperances", if you can implement this it's a wonderfull tool.
    Sent from my SM-T810 using Tapatalk
    Last edited by Tetra; 29-Apr-2016 at 13:14. Reason: Unexpressed thoughts

  6. #6


    Quote Originally Posted by brabbit1987 View Post
    If my Mom had done something like this, I would just tell her to go F herself. However, I would not recommend doing that XD.
    I did just that when I was in high school and my mom slapped me hard across the face. I guess I deserved it. The argument was over a girl I was dating. A year later I'd be dating a guy, so I guessed she regretted the argument more than I did.....sigh.

    So yeah, moms are crazy and so are we when we're young. Your situation is different for reasons you mentioned.

    Yeah, to follow you around on the job seems crazy to me. Hopefully, this too shall pass. I suspect her wanting you to keep normal hours will not pass however. Parents almost always use their lives as a measuring stick for their own children. I know my wife and I do that, though we have the sense to usually not express it.

    Our daughter has got it in her mind to quit her very good, hard earned executive university job and move 3000 miles across the country to California. It has been very difficult on her mom and I to keep our mouths shut, something we haven't done entirely. We've offered some of our unsolicited opinions, but she has also initiated these discussions with us, at the least, keeping us informed.

    So I understand what your mom is thinking. She sleeps at night which most people do. She gets up in the morning and goes to work for (I'm guessing) 8 hours. She comes home, cooks dinner and everything repeats. It's what most of us do. But then there are the people who come along who are completely different such as yourself.

    Your mom wants you to fit into a mold that she sees as "normal". But that simply doesn't fit everyone, and when that happens, the "normals" have difficulty understanding. All of us on this site experience this to some degree because unlike so called normal people, we wear diapers. That by itself makes us different from the rest of society.

    She sees you as different from the majority of society and she measures that against what she considers as normal and stresses over it. Maybe there's some middle ground but if you're getting up at 4 in the morning, there may not be. What you're doing now with your sleep habits actually works for you. I suspect that's something she will eventually have to discover.

    You're not alone. Some people prefer night shift work, where they work at night and sleep during the day. Eventually, that may be something you would be able to do. Until then, the two of you will have to find detente. I'll assume you are helping with the house work since you're home during the day. Maybe you can expand on that which might make her happy. Anyway, I hope the two of you can work this out. Hugs.

  7. #7


    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    I did just that when I was in high school and my mom slapped me hard across the face. I guess I deserved it. The argument was over a girl I was dating. A year later I'd be dating a guy, so I guessed she regretted the argument more than I did.....sigh.

    So yeah, moms are crazy and so are we when we're young. Your situation is different for reasons you mentioned. .
    You made that tad confusing since there is no separation for the part you are talking about me, I am guessing the above is it. XD
    My Mom has never hit me, mainly cause I never really done anything to force her wrath upon me. I imagine if I was younger my response would not be to tell her to go F herself XD. It's only that now because you can only take so much until you realize you shouldn't care anymore.

  8. #8


    Mom can be that way some have a hard time letting go.
    In your case with disabilities she can be over protective and controling.
    Just tell her calling your boss can get you fired.
    Please let me do this on my own to see if I can to better my self.
    If I need help you be the first I ask .

  9. #9


    My mother did the same sort of thing wanting me to be up in the day time for the sake of being up in the day time. It never worked out unless I had some sort of obligation like a morning class. My last job actually ended with my Dad meddling too much on a discussion board. Decided I was to be fired for breaching NDA. Right at the good part too.

    Overparenting seems to be the suburban problem these days. The only way I broke the cycle was through the generosity of friends in different cities so I could take a job 100 miles from home but still 40 miles from friends. Also diving in head first into uncertainty and making it work. So there, overcoming adversity.

  10. #10


    I had this issue with my step-mom and my first job, which was a pizza place. I was still in high school, but she was always meddling and calling in to see how I was doing (and ordering pizza's, just to "see me")

    I confronted her about it, after over 2 months and nearly getting fired for it. I told her to stop and if she didn't I would be fired and if it came to be being fired, I'd leave this house. She smacked me hard enough to bloody my nose.

    After I got my nose to stop bleeding, after 2 hours, I went to my room, grabbed all my stuff and went to my grandparents, which was only a 1 minute walk (it was all on the same property) and I've been living with them ever since. I'm now living in my grandparents rent house, after the last 5 tenets messing it up.

    We (mom and I) still see each other on occasions, but nothing like before, especially since her and my dad got divorced. That didn't effect me at all, like it did my brothers and dad.

    Try to work it out first with her and if you can't do what you can and try to move out. Ask a friend to stay at their house and pay rent and 1/4-1/2 utilities. Try to find a cheap apartment and see if you can get a housemate.

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