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Thread: Very new to everything. Please read and respond! Bf is a DL and I'm still learning.

  1. #1

    Default Very new to everything. Please read and respond! Bf is a DL and I'm still learning.

    So my bf and I committed about 2 weeks ago. I've known him over 4 months now. Right from the get go I was very honest and open with him, which in turn led him to being very open and honest with me. He told me about his infantalism before we started dating, and I have been gradually learning ever since. He is such an amazing person, I really want to understand what this means for him.
    He mentioned this is something he does on his alone time to feel safe, and is only mildly sexual. He said it is mostly for comfort.
    He has shown me his diapers and onesies that he has.
    He went away for the weekend and said I could stay at his place if I wanted. I have trouble sleeping and I sleep way better here.
    Since I was here alone and unsupervised, I decided I would try out his diapers to see if I could relate to his attraction to them.
    Right now I am mildly intoxicated while in my second diaper of the night, and I'm quite enjoying the wetting aspect. It's comforting, and it's warm. My only thought is they are much too large for me. I'm nervous I may wet his bed.
    Funny relation to that topic is a few weeks into dating before we had committed, but after I knew about the diapers, we had gone out together and had gotten quite drunk. It seems my bladder couldn't cope and I wet my own bed. I had really wished for one of these right about then! He was extremely nonjudgmental about the ordeal even though I was mortified.
    All in all, I feel I could be accepting to all this entails. If it's something he wants to do with me, that's fine. If it's something he wants to do alone, that's fine too.
    One thing that rings in the back of my mind, and I know it resonates from my own family history and my ignorance on this topic, but the sexual aspect scares me.
    What happens when we have children? Does this transfer to a sexual attraction to other baby like things? Sexual abuse plays a very large part in the history of my family (I myself am unsure if I was or not, my mother blocked it out until well into her 40s) and it is an extreme fear for me about my future children. Also, after explaining the infantalism the first question I asked was if he was ever abused, and he told me that he was. I don't know if they are connected and he has never told anyone else about the event.
    If anyone has a suggestion on how I communicate my fears without insulting him, as well as moving forward with this in general, it would be greatly appreciated.
    Last edited by ILUIRUUT; 17-Apr-2016 at 01:18. Reason: Errors

  2. #2

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    Hi Iluiruut,

    I find it very hard to respond to your post in a way that makes sense haha. I think wearing diapers and infantilism in most cases isn't related to sexual abuse. There are many DL's that haven't been sexually abused or at least they're pretty sure about that. Maybe in his cases his infantilism is indeed connected to the abuse or maybe he just thinks that as it seems logical.

    Also infantilism and diaper wearing is in most cases not connected with pedophilia or something that could lead to the desire to abuse children. So no unless your boyfriend has these desires already it's very unlikely his infantilism would translate into something like child abuse.

    I can relate a bit because I'm a DL myself but there is absolutely nothing in my mind that relates sex to children. Also I couldn't imagine the desire to abuse children would ever get into my mind.

    I think it's good when you discuss with him the time when he was abused but don't immediately connect infantilism to it. Making it discussable is always a good think. I think infantilism can be a way to cope with the emotions that come from being sexually abused and maybe this actually makes it less likely that someone would start sexually abusing his/her own kids. That because he/she already found a way to emotionally cope with a trauma.

  3. #3

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    Thank you for your insight. I know from all I've researched, and the way he talks about it, that this is an irrational fear. I just thought I would get another opinion.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by ILUIRUUT View Post
    So my bf and I committed about 2 weeks ago. I've known him over 4 months now. Right from the get go I was very honest and open with him, which in turn led him to being very open and honest with me. He told me about his infantalism before we started dating, and I have been gradually learning ever since. He is such an amazing person, I really want to understand what this means for him.
    He mentioned this is something he does on his alone time to feel safe, and is only mildly sexual. He said it is mostly for comfort.
    He has shown me his diapers and onesies that he has.
    He went away for the weekend and said I could stay at his place if I wanted. I have trouble sleeping and I sleep way better here.
    Since I was here alone and unsupervised, I decided I would try out his diapers to see if I could relate to his attraction to them.
    Right now I am mildly intoxicated while in my second diaper of the night, and I'm quite enjoying the wetting aspect. It's comforting, and it's warm. My only thought is they are much too large for me. I'm nervous I may wet his bed.
    Funny relation to that topic is a few weeks into dating before we had committed, but after I knew about the diapers, we had gone out together and had gotten quite drunk. It seems my bladder couldn't cope and I wet my own bed. I had really wished for one of these right about then! He was extremely nonjudgmental about the ordeal even though I was mortified.
    All in all, I feel I could be accepting to all this entails. If it's something he wants to do with me, that's fine. If it's something he wants to do alone, that's fine too.
    One thing that rings in the back of my mind, and I know it resonates from my own family history and my ignorance on this topic, but the sexual aspect scares me.
    What happens when we have children? Does this transfer to a sexual attraction to other baby like things? Sexual abuse plays a very large part in the history of my family (I myself am unsure if I was or not, my mother blocked it out until well into her 40s) and it is an extreme fear for me about my future children. Also, after explaining the infantalism the first question I asked was if he was ever abused, and he told me that he was. I don't know if they are connected and he has never told anyone else about the event.
    If anyone has a suggestion on how I communicate my fears without insulting him, as well as moving forward with this in general, it would be greatly appreciated.

    Hey! I'm a non-ABDL too! I just mostly lurk around here, trying to understand for my boyfriend, who is an ABDL! This community is so awesome about sharing what they know and being supportive of your relationship. I really applaud you both for being so open! It took a long time for my boyfriend to open up to me about that. Some people on here haven't told their spouse of 50+ years! I have tried on a diaper myself, but it just reminded me of having my period, and it was really uncomfortable for me so I just took it off.

    As for the sexual side, remember that he is an ADULT Baby Diaper Lover. Meaning that while he might like playing with blocks and wetting his diaper, he still likes adult things. I was really concerned with the parenting aspect also when my boyfriend and I started to get more serious, so I came here and the community answered all of my questions. Basically, there's a little hint of jealousy because the actual baby's toys are so cool or their clothes are so cute, but some wish they could fit in them. But it's not sexual. Infantilism is NOT pedophelia. For more information about that, you can listen to The Big Little Podcast Episode 112: Parents Who Are Age Players. They interview ABDLs in functional relationships who have children of all ages. That was really reassuring to me. If you have any questions or worries, talk to your boyfriend. He sounds really open with you! If not, post on here or message me. We're all here to help and support each other.

  5. #5

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    Hey! I really appreciate the response and the fact that you're kind of in the same boat I am. I am understanding more as he talks about it, and a lot from others like you. Some parts are easy for me to understand, others are harder.

    I'll be sure to listen to that interview, maybe even together after if it's helpful. I want to know more about his thinking, and I know that will come with time and open conversations.

    Thanks again!

  6. #6

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    You can also read a book called, "There's a Baby in My Bed".

    We all come from different walks of life. There's not one common trace of evidence that explains why we do what we do.

    Some say bedwetting, but most of us never had bedwetting problems.

    People had normal lives growing up without any kind of trauma or abuse, physically or mentally losing parents, divorce and so on.

    Humans tend to try and find answers for everything or come up with their own theories. That's when irrational thinking takes place. When you think about diapers, it seems juvenile, yes, we tend to act younger than our age. Yes we like to do activities that young kids would do. None of this involves kids.

    Most parent ABDLs tend to keep it in the bedroom and/or discrete. It also tends to lower the amount of ABDL activities when taking care of children.

  7. #7

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    I want to applaud you for coming here to learn about the abdl lifestyle and trying to accept your partner and even share it with him. That's huge. I've had the exact opposite reaction from prior girlfriends, so it's nice to see that some women are making the effort to understand it! Good on you And I wish you the best with it. This lifestyle can definitely bring you both closer together, the shared vulnerability and intimacy that it can bring is beyond words

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by tehse7en View Post
    I want to applaud you for coming here to learn about the abdl lifestyle and trying to accept your partner and even share it with him. That's huge. I've had the exact opposite reaction from prior girlfriends, so it's nice to see that some women are making the effort to understand it! Good on you And I wish you the best with it. This lifestyle can definitely bring you both closer together, the shared vulnerability and intimacy that it can bring is beyond words
    I have quirks myself and we wouldn't be as interesting if we didn't! He is a beautiful human inside and out and this seems small in comparison to all the rest. If it does present issues in the future I hope we can find a way through that.

    What are some of the biggest challenges that you have had so far? With your exes, what was their issue with it? Were any interested to understand or learn?

    - - - Updated - - -



    Quote Originally Posted by DLsGirlfriend View Post
    Hey! I'm a non-ABDL too! I just mostly lurk around here, trying to understand for my boyfriend, who is an ABDL! This community is so awesome about sharing what they know and being supportive of your relationship. I really applaud you both for being so open! It took a long time for my boyfriend to open up to me about that. Some people on here haven't told their spouse of 50+ years! I have tried on a diaper myself, but it just reminded me of having my period, and it was really uncomfortable for me so I just took it off.

    As for the sexual side, remember that he is an ADULT Baby Diaper Lover. Meaning that while he might like playing with blocks and wetting his diaper, he still likes adult things. I was really concerned with the parenting aspect also when my boyfriend and I started to get more serious, so I came here and the community answered all of my questions. Basically, there's a little hint of jealousy because the actual baby's toys are so cool or their clothes are so cute, but some wish they could fit in them. But it's not sexual. Infantilism is NOT pedophelia. For more information about that, you can listen to The Big Little Podcast Episode 112: Parents Who Are Age Players. They interview ABDLs in functional relationships who have children of all ages. That was really reassuring to me. If you have any questions or worries, talk to your boyfriend. He sounds really open with you! If not, post on here or message me. We're all here to help and support each other.
    What was your first reaction when he opened up to you about it? Your first thoughts you had?

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by ILUIRUUT View Post
    I have quirks myself and we wouldn't be as interesting if we didn't! He is a beautiful human inside and out and this seems small in comparison to all the rest. If it does present issues in the future I hope we can find a way through that.

    What are some of the biggest challenges that you have had so far? With your exes, what was their issue with it? Were any interested to understand or learn?

    - - - Updated - - -

    What was your first reaction when he opened up to you about it? Your first thoughts you had?
    He didn't tell me actually. I found out through a mutual friend who is also an ABDL. It was hard on both of us, more so on him I think. But we came out stronger in the end. I absolutely panicked and started with Google. I found episodes of Dr. Phil and My Strange Addiction. Although the one on My Strange Addiction isn't nearly as extreme, it was portrayed in a really negative light. The Dr. Phil episode made it look like he would require constant babying and care if we decided to get serious. This was really hard for me because things were starting to get more serious and I was (and still am) madly in love with him. I lost it. I asked our friend all kinds of questions. If it wasn't for him, I would have lost my sanity. It wasn't until I found this site that I got a grip. Reading from real people has really helped me to learn what I might expect and how I should react to save his feelings if I somehow react negatively.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by DLsGirlfriend View Post
    He didn't tell me actually. I found out through a mutual friend who is also an ABDL. It was hard on both of us, more so on him I think. But we came out stronger in the end. I absolutely panicked and started with Google. I found episodes of Dr. Phil and My Strange Addiction. Although the one on My Strange Addiction isn't nearly as extreme, it was portrayed in a really negative light. The Dr. Phil episode made it look like he would require constant babying and care if we decided to get serious. This was really hard for me because things were starting to get more serious and I was (and still am) madly in love with him. I lost it. I asked our friend all kinds of questions. If it wasn't for him, I would have lost my sanity. It wasn't until I found this site that I got a grip. Reading from real people has really helped me to learn what I might expect and how I should react to save his feelings if I somehow react negatively.
    Another reason why I wish community members would be more thoughtful when choosing to appear on television. TV shows are there to get ratings, and that means they're going to want something sensational and attention grabbing. A story about an ABDL who holds down a job, pursues relationships, and has this as an outlet for fun just isn't as exciting to these programs as someone who appears to be very unusual and just barely in control.

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