So my bf and I committed about 2 weeks ago. I've known him over 4 months now. Right from the get go I was very honest and open with him, which in turn led him to being very open and honest with me. He told me about his infantalism before we started dating, and I have been gradually learning ever since. He is such an amazing person, I really want to understand what this means for him.
He mentioned this is something he does on his alone time to feel safe, and is only mildly sexual. He said it is mostly for comfort.
He has shown me his diapers and onesies that he has.
He went away for the weekend and said I could stay at his place if I wanted. I have trouble sleeping and I sleep way better here.
Since I was here alone and unsupervised, I decided I would try out his diapers to see if I could relate to his attraction to them.
Right now I am mildly intoxicated while in my second diaper of the night, and I'm quite enjoying the wetting aspect. It's comforting, and it's warm. My only thought is they are much too large for me. I'm nervous I may wet his bed.
Funny relation to that topic is a few weeks into dating before we had committed, but after I knew about the diapers, we had gone out together and had gotten quite drunk. It seems my bladder couldn't cope and I wet my own bed. I had really wished for one of these right about then! He was extremely nonjudgmental about the ordeal even though I was mortified.
All in all, I feel I could be accepting to all this entails. If it's something he wants to do with me, that's fine. If it's something he wants to do alone, that's fine too.
One thing that rings in the back of my mind, and I know it resonates from my own family history and my ignorance on this topic, but the sexual aspect scares me.
What happens when we have children? Does this transfer to a sexual attraction to other baby like things? Sexual abuse plays a very large part in the history of my family (I myself am unsure if I was or not, my mother blocked it out until well into her 40s) and it is an extreme fear for me about my future children. Also, after explaining the infantalism the first question I asked was if he was ever abused, and he told me that he was. I don't know if they are connected and he has never told anyone else about the event.
If anyone has a suggestion on how I communicate my fears without insulting him, as well as moving forward with this in general, it would be greatly appreciated.