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Thread: Sexual confusion. Another one who's looking for advice.

  1. #1

    Default Sexual confusion. Another one who's looking for advice.

    Hi!
    I was thinking of posting this some time ago, but always something was stopping me.
    For a very long time I'm feeling really confused about myself and I worry that I'll never find similar person, that I can share my real feelings with. Yeah I'm 20, but I know how serious relationships should look like. I'm not interested in collecting partners and stuff. I'm just worried why there's no term to describe my sexual feelings. It's hard to find similar people without proper terms to describe myself. Asexual is the most suitable and comfortable for me, but not entirely. Maybe someone help, because I feel alone and unmatched with that.
    Firstly, I never feel any sexual arousal toward anyone. I can't comprehend that - people feel sexual arousal when seeing nice-looking naked body of female or men? That's really hard to understand for me. I never felt something like that.
    Secondly, I was always aroused sexually and emotionally by being treated like a little kid, but not like a baby. I have some other kinks, but this one is the strongest. There's community of something called DD/lg. That's acronym of Daddys Dom and little girl. It's just a relationship, when one is dominant and the second is submissive. I like being kinda submissive and cared in a gentle way like a little boy like in this type of play. Because I don't want sex, sexless DD/lg play is really arousing for me. But only an action/play is arousing sexually. I don't pay attention on who's taking care of me.
    And the most important - I don't like sexual intercourse, but I'm sexual :O Sex it's just something neutral for me. I can get aroused when I'm cuddled. I like humping in a diaper with someone, but I don't want/expect orgasm. It's pointless, but I like this for emotions. I cannot understand what's wrong with me? I'm not asexual, because I like sexual stuff (humping, touching body parts) but not entirely (don't like penetration, kissing) and also I would have to emotionally force myself when trying to achieve orgasm, cause I don't care about it.
    In puberty I was just masturbating when feel that I want it, but only when seeing or wearing diaper. Now diaper isn't something necessary.
    Also in whole my life I see boys more comfortable to cuddle or hold hand toghether, than girls. However some girls are also cute, but when in diaper I prefer only boys (as a caregiver or just a friend). I see that I'm starting to be inwardly depressed about it.
    I have good life conditions, no depression or stuff, but I don't know what to do with mysefl and with that. I'm confused for a very long time. Too long time.
    Last edited by lisek; 11-Apr-2016 at 20:35.

  2. #2

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    It sounds like you should have found me when I was 20 years old. I think there are a number of people who just aren't entirely comfortable with swapping fluids. You may have to find someone who is more like you. I'm somewhat OCD and I've become more so as I've gotten older.

    Everyone is different to some degree. We get convinced that we're supposed to be highly heterosexual and really into anything goes as we are surrounded by that message via the media. Even commercials use a lot of sex to sell products. But not everyone is in to that much of a robust sex life.

    Like a number of us on this site, in other words, into diapers and such, you would be looking for a very small subset of the culture, but it is possible. At age 20, you're still young. When I was 20, I completely changed how I experienced sex. I went from a heterosexual relationship from high school, to a gay one in college. Now I'm married with children. I don't regret any of my past exploits because I not only learned more about who I am, but I also fell in love with incredible and amazing people.

    Sex, love, or just a close relationship is something that must be experienced person to person. Unless you find and meet others, nothing can happen. For me, college was a great place to discover these many different people. The best I can suggest is that you step out of your comfort zone and explore some options and see what happens. Almost all starts begin slow and that might be good for you.

  3. #3

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    I am kind of like you, lisek. I don't like sex, and don't really get turned on by people's bodies. What does turn me on is the notion of being physically regressed and/or treated like a small child. I used to pleasure myself while having these fantasies, but not so much any more. So I'm not exctly asexual, but that is about the best label I can find, especially if I don't feel like disclosing my AB/DL side.

    Unlike you I do have an aesthetic attraction to people. Mostly I go for androgyny, but I also like cute women and large muscular men with soft faces.

    I can sympathise with your difficulties finding a partner. It's hard enough trying to find a caregiver, let alone a caregiver who is okay with no sex.

  4. #4

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    Nice to hear at least these few posts ^^
    To be honest I can understand how people with ocd feel, cause I'm struggling with misophonia. Depending on time I have days when it's harder to cope and normal ones too.
    In whole my life I'm still meeting new people, but I feel like I'm in the end of something. Strange feeling, that I'm not suitable to majority of people around me. On asexual forum I feel lack of kinky-friendly people. On kinky-orientated sites I feel overstimulation and generally too much sexualy stuff. Only here I feel there's some probability to meet similar people, but all foreign. But I'm still open and searching.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by lisek View Post
    Nice to hear at least these few posts ^^
    To be honest I can understand how people with ocd feel, cause I'm struggling with misophonia. Depending on time I have days when it's harder to cope and normal ones too.
    In whole my life I'm still meeting new people, but I feel like I'm in the end of something. Strange feeling, that I'm not suitable to majority of people around me. On asexual forum I feel lack of kinky-friendly people. On kinky-orientated sites I feel overstimulation and generally too much sexualy stuff. Only here I feel there's some probability to meet similar people, but all foreign. But I'm still open and searching.
    I would suggest you get as comfortable as you can with uncertainty and remain open to potential changes. We're not the same but I see a fair degree of similarity between us in what you've posted. The best progress I've made is by setting aside what I thought I wanted and opening myself to possibilities. It's hard to know what represents something close to a rule or an exception sometimes, so unless it's obviously wonderful or awful, I think it's best to try some variations. So far for me, the biggest common denominator seems to be someone I can feel comfortable with allows me time to get more curious and see if there's anything there. I can recognize a body as attractive or not but neither is of any real interest unless I know and care about the person involved.

    You may not find this a very encouraging line of thought but having gone a long time with no real attraction to anyone, having it even occasionally is a powerful thing. Once you make the right kind of connection, you might find that things you would have never before considered are appealing. If you set your ultimate goal as having deep, meaningful, intimate, and pleasurable relationships with people, you may find success easier to achieve than looking at what everyone else is doing. It's unnecessarily complicated and I wish we all had it easier but everyone has their hurdles and ones like these are ours.

  6. #6

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    When I told my shrink about my AB/DL and my sexuality his response was: "The biggest sex organ is between your ears." ... And he's right. Only our Creator knows how it works with our current level of science.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by HokieABDL View Post
    'The biggest sex organ is between your ears.'
    Thanks for this.

    I've been debating with myself for awhile now on whether or not I should talk to a psych about my DL preferences. Has it helped you understand yourself?

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