I was thinking of posting this some time ago, but always something was stopping me.
For a very long time I'm feeling really confused about myself and I worry that I'll never find similar person, that I can share my real feelings with. Yeah I'm 20, but I know how serious relationships should look like. I'm not interested in collecting partners and stuff. I'm just worried why there's no term to describe my sexual feelings. It's hard to find similar people without proper terms to describe myself. Asexual is the most suitable and comfortable for me, but not entirely. Maybe someone help, because I feel alone and unmatched with that.
Firstly, I never feel any sexual arousal toward anyone. I can't comprehend that - people feel sexual arousal when seeing nice-looking naked body of female or men? That's really hard to understand for me. I never felt something like that.
Secondly, I was always aroused sexually and emotionally by being treated like a little kid, but not like a baby. I have some other kinks, but this one is the strongest. There's community of something called DD/lg. That's acronym of Daddys Dom and little girl. It's just a relationship, when one is dominant and the second is submissive. I like being kinda submissive and cared in a gentle way like a little boy like in this type of play. Because I don't want sex, sexless DD/lg play is really arousing for me. But only an action/play is arousing sexually. I don't pay attention on who's taking care of me.
And the most important - I don't like sexual intercourse, but I'm sexual :O Sex it's just something neutral for me. I can get aroused when I'm cuddled. I like humping in a diaper with someone, but I don't want/expect orgasm. It's pointless, but I like this for emotions. I cannot understand what's wrong with me? I'm not asexual, because I like sexual stuff (humping, touching body parts) but not entirely (don't like penetration, kissing) and also I would have to emotionally force myself when trying to achieve orgasm, cause I don't care about it.
In puberty I was just masturbating when feel that I want it, but only when seeing or wearing diaper. Now diaper isn't something necessary.
Also in whole my life I see boys more comfortable to cuddle or hold hand toghether, than girls. However some girls are also cute, but when in diaper I prefer only boys (as a caregiver or just a friend). I see that I'm starting to be inwardly depressed about it.
I have good life conditions, no depression or stuff, but I don't know what to do with mysefl and with that. I'm confused for a very long time. Too long time.