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Thread: Help! I just want to know if I am understood and normal to struggle with this!/Others with same struggle (BPD and transitional obect)

  1. #1

    Default Help! I just want to know if I am understood and normal to struggle with this!/Others with same struggle (BPD and transitional obect)

    In my life I have dealt with some abandonment issues and consistency in relationships. The thing that has been consistent through out is my transitional object and the little in me. It has been the one thing that has shown consistency in my life as I have been given up for adoption and had this left to hold onto. I have had a hard time accepting other people in relationships because I always had a fear that they would leave. I am kind of going through an inconsistency right now as I am stepping into the community and understanding that I am going to have to be uprooted from where I am at and start all over again. This has been a constant battle in my life of having relationships that last and people that I let in. This has a lot to do with my personality disorder and am understanding it more as I do more research. (borderline personality disorder) I am just wanting something to use to feel stability especially when there is change or stress for whatever reason.

    I have just been so hard on myself and feel like there is something wrong with me as to why I have a struggle with consistency with people in my life and now several times where everything is out of my control and changed.

    Does this make sense? I want to say "should I just grow up?" and yet I want to cry as I just want something to feel some stability in this course of change right now in environment, relationships and just life.

    Please say this makes sense. I am just in a lot of pain and feeling misunderstood with the people that are around me right now.

  2. #2


    Hey little guy.

    Firstly I need to say you're a good boy and it's not your fault.

    Change is in edible, in my life I have only found one thing to be a constant. Every thing else changes. I know that sucks. But it is part of life.

    Bet you can relate to the song.

    It takes time to build up Trust. Trust in communities, trust in people and most of all trust in yourself.

    At the moment it sounds like you don't know who to trust. Or what is true. So you are going to feel uneasy and uncertain about your life right now.

    Don't be to hard on your self you have time. Take time to understand and know yourself. And time to forgive yourself. Know how you are is a life time journey, I am still discovering things about myself.

    I would however encourage you not to rush into any relationship at this time, once you feel that you are able to trust yourself. Then look to putting that trust into another relationship.

    And Welcome to the community


  3. #3


    Abandonment issues are a big part of Border Line Personality disorder. I too was adopted, and at the age of two. I knew my name and I was talking. I too have BPD issues and had to see a psychiatrist when I was in college. I hope you're seeing a professional for this because BPD can be very destructive on your and others. I was very self destructive and always was afraid of being abandoned by my friends. I always had that one, BFF and I needed that person in my life as a constant, as someone I could count on. I think being an only child didn't help.

    You mentioned, should you grow up? Actually, getting older will probably benefit you as I think getting older helped me overcome most of the Borderline problems that I had. Getting married helped me greatly as I always was with that person that I loved and who loved me in return.

    You should talk this over with a psychologist or a psychiatrist because BPD is nothing to fool around with. I had anger issues and would lash out more at things rather than people. Still, I'd get really upset if my best friend had something he had to do. I would feel ditched. I even wrote about being ditched in my novel. It's something we have to deal with. I believe you can get over this, but it takes time, and in my case, finding the right person to share your life with.

  4. #4


    I don't have a lot of personal background to give you any deep response, but I'll say a few things.

    Yes, you are making sense. I know at least a bit on the idea of fear about loosing relationships, which is part of the reason why I don't often like to make new friends because I am a little afraid of not spending enough time with the ones I have. It makes sense that you don't want to loose people because it is hard to handle. Maybe what you can do, is make a commitment to yourself to keep in touch with old friends, then you can be a little less afraid. Message them by mail, text, or internet every once in a while and maybe that will help you feel connected.

    I'll echo a little bit of what Dogboy said, visiting a psychologist could be a good thing. Need it or not, it doesn't hurt to have a bit of face time with another human who you can talk to and get valuable advice.

    Also, as Sisi said, everything changes, unfortunately it is the world we live in. Sometimes that is good though, it would be lame if nothing changed, but it is hard to deal with change, but that doesn't mean that people will leave you, it just means that some people will have to be a little far away, lucky for us though, technology makes dealing with that a little easier.

    I'm sure some of what you are experiencing is probably from being a bit introverted perhaps? If so, keep in mind that introverts naturally look for less friendships but for deeper friendships, what you are experiencing could also be part of that, which is natural.

  5. #5


    Thank you! I am seeing a psychologist and have a nurse practitioner that I am working with. They are helpful and they want me to work on my trauma in order to let go of the "little" side of me. I appreciate the advice and will continue working on these parts of me. It is hard for me to accept myself when the people working with me are telling me to change this side of me that I have had all my life. It isn't hurting others and isn't hurting myself (or at least that I see) and I feel safe when I go into my little side. Though I am being told to step out of it and deal with the deeper side of the abandonment issues. It is scary and I am not happy that they are telling me this and yet I will.

    Thanks again! You guys made a lot of sense!

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