In my life I have dealt with some abandonment issues and consistency in relationships. The thing that has been consistent through out is my transitional object and the little in me. It has been the one thing that has shown consistency in my life as I have been given up for adoption and had this left to hold onto. I have had a hard time accepting other people in relationships because I always had a fear that they would leave. I am kind of going through an inconsistency right now as I am stepping into the community and understanding that I am going to have to be uprooted from where I am at and start all over again. This has been a constant battle in my life of having relationships that last and people that I let in. This has a lot to do with my personality disorder and am understanding it more as I do more research. (borderline personality disorder) I am just wanting something to use to feel stability especially when there is change or stress for whatever reason.
I have just been so hard on myself and feel like there is something wrong with me as to why I have a struggle with consistency with people in my life and now several times where everything is out of my control and changed.
Does this make sense? I want to say "should I just grow up?" and yet I want to cry as I just want something to feel some stability in this course of change right now in environment, relationships and just life.
Please say this makes sense. I am just in a lot of pain and feeling misunderstood with the people that are around me right now.