If I don't say something it's probably going to do more harm than good. It seems pretty eminent if not already so, that my fiance is breaking things off with me. I'm probably going to need the support of ADISC now more than ever. Things in my life (aside from this) have been improving. I'm actually making progress... I'm deathly afraid that I'm going to spiral back into a deep depression and I don't want that.
I've been dating my fiance for 2 years now and I've known her for 6. She feels that I won't see her as anything but a support. That I'll just try to live off what she does... Which couldn't be further from the truth. I've had a lot happen to me that has caused me to not have a drivers license, a job, or a high school diploma. Depression has been with me for many years. It's kept me down and out for so long. I finally have started to get my GED again (this isn't my first try), I'm trying to get my license, and I'm sure a job will work its way in there.
Now my fiance has said so far that she doesn't want to break things off no matter how much she (according to her) needs to or should. However I just know that it's over... I have that feeling in my entire being where I just... I know. Now here's the other dilemma... She's said on more than one occasion that I've basically been the one thing keeping her from the gun cabinet. It worries me to no end that if it is over she is finally going to give up on life. I love her and don't want her to die even if I don't get to be her fiance anymore or date her. She isn't exactly in the best situation herself... Maybe I shouldn't have started dating her 2 years ago, maybe I shouldn't have done the things that I've done (losing 2 kids before they were born to miscarriage and so on), and maybe I shouldn't have let it gotten this far. Sadly... It has and I'm terrified. I can clarify anything if you ask but I just honestly need helpful comments. I understand if your first thought is, "What was this guy thinking?" Because not even I know. I fell in love with a beautiful girl and then... Well here I am making this post.
I just want to say one last thing, please disregard any posts I've made that seem like I'm defensive. I'm learning to respond better and criticism is welcome as long as it is also helpful. Please do be careful though, I'm fragile right now because I'm on edge.