Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 11

Thread: I regret that I have to make this thread...

  1. #1

    Default I regret that I have to make this thread...

    If I don't say something it's probably going to do more harm than good. It seems pretty eminent if not already so, that my fiance is breaking things off with me. I'm probably going to need the support of ADISC now more than ever. Things in my life (aside from this) have been improving. I'm actually making progress... I'm deathly afraid that I'm going to spiral back into a deep depression and I don't want that.

    I've been dating my fiance for 2 years now and I've known her for 6. She feels that I won't see her as anything but a support. That I'll just try to live off what she does... Which couldn't be further from the truth. I've had a lot happen to me that has caused me to not have a drivers license, a job, or a high school diploma. Depression has been with me for many years. It's kept me down and out for so long. I finally have started to get my GED again (this isn't my first try), I'm trying to get my license, and I'm sure a job will work its way in there.

    Now my fiance has said so far that she doesn't want to break things off no matter how much she (according to her) needs to or should. However I just know that it's over... I have that feeling in my entire being where I just... I know. Now here's the other dilemma... She's said on more than one occasion that I've basically been the one thing keeping her from the gun cabinet. It worries me to no end that if it is over she is finally going to give up on life. I love her and don't want her to die even if I don't get to be her fiance anymore or date her. She isn't exactly in the best situation herself... Maybe I shouldn't have started dating her 2 years ago, maybe I shouldn't have done the things that I've done (losing 2 kids before they were born to miscarriage and so on), and maybe I shouldn't have let it gotten this far. Sadly... It has and I'm terrified. I can clarify anything if you ask but I just honestly need helpful comments. I understand if your first thought is, "What was this guy thinking?" Because not even I know. I fell in love with a beautiful girl and then... Well here I am making this post.

    I just want to say one last thing, please disregard any posts I've made that seem like I'm defensive. I'm learning to respond better and criticism is welcome as long as it is also helpful. Please do be careful though, I'm fragile right now because I'm on edge.

  2. #2

    Default

    If you want to keep this relationship you need to fight for it. It sounds to me like the way to do that is to show her that you can be self supportive. Use that as the motivation to complete your GED, get your license, and find a job. If you do that and the relationship works out, great. If it doesn't, well, you can walk away knowing that you gave it your all.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  3. #3

    Default

    Funny how when we fear something is going to happen then then we make happen out of fearing.
    In other words she says she is not quitting on you .
    Like a person that jealous there wife thinking there are having other men.
    When she is not.
    But questions every move she does to the point where she finally just divorces him because he's too crazy that way.
    It's that fear that causes it.
    So the best thing you can do is takes steps everyday to get your GED and get your license and treat her the best you can that shows you care and you've done your best.
    When cross the things are over when it actually happens don't let your fear get to you and create it.

  4. #4

    Default

    Love is like that. You can't just give up because the first one (or two, or three) didn't work out. I know it doesn't help you, but we've all been there. I didn't even meet Mrs. Maxx until I was 27 or so. As you might imagine there were a few loved and lost prior to that.

  5. #5

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by AAO View Post
    If you want to keep this relationship you need to fight for it. It sounds to me like the way to do that is to show her that you can be self supportive. Use that as the motivation to complete your GED, get your license, and find a job. If you do that and the relationship works out, great. If it doesn't, well, you can walk away knowing that you gave it your all.
    I really do want to keep this relationship and I'm going to fight for it. Maybe I spoke too soon when I said it was over. I've been talking to her about it she said that she still loves me. It just feels that way when we argued about it. So far I think that it still could end but it seems like we both still want things to change. I'm going to continue doing what I need to do and hope for the best.

    - - - Updated - - -



    Quote Originally Posted by Maxx View Post
    Love is like that. You can't just give up because the first one (or two, or three) didn't work out. I know it doesn't help you, but we've all been there. I didn't even meet Mrs. Maxx until I was 27 or so. As you might imagine there were a few loved and lost prior to that.
    Yeah I've dated about 5 girls in the past over the course of a few years. This is my longest lasting relationship and I hope that I can save it. I think part of it us that I've invested so much into this relationship losing it would be devastating. I'm hoping I can do everything to the best of my ability and we'll see what happens.

    - - - Updated - - -



    Quote Originally Posted by foxkits View Post
    Funny how when we fear something is going to happen then then we make happen out of fearing.
    In other words she says she is not quitting on you .
    Like a person that jealous there wife thinking there are having other men.
    When she is not.
    But questions every move she does to the point where she finally just divorces him because he's too crazy that way.
    It's that fear that causes it.
    So the best thing you can do is takes steps everyday to get your GED and get your license and treat her the best you can that shows you care and you've done your best.
    When cross the things are over when it actually happens don't let your fear get to you and create it.
    I've noticed that, by fearing something I have in the past caused the thing I so feared. I think you're right though... She hasn't necessarily given up on me. I talked to her recently and she said that she doesn't know how to feel about everything. There are a lot of mixed emotions on both sides.

  6. #6

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Premetheus View Post
    I really do want to keep this relationship and I'm going to fight for it. Maybe I spoke too soon when I said it was over. I've been talking to her about it she said that she still loves me. It just feels that way when we argued about it. So far I think that it still could end but it seems like we both still want things to change. I'm going to continue doing what I need to do and hope for the best.

    - - - Updated - - -


    Yeah I've dated about 5 girls in the past over the course of a few years. This is my longest lasting relationship and I hope that I can save it. I think part of it us that I've invested so much into this relationship losing it would be devastating. I'm hoping I can do everything to the best of my ability and we'll see what happens.

    - - - Updated - - -


    I've noticed that, by fearing something I have in the past caused the thing I so feared. I think you're right though... She hasn't necessarily given up on me. I talked to her recently and she said that she doesn't know how to feel about everything. There are a lot of mixed emotions on both sides.
    Relationship's are not easy .
    You are both learning to be together that takes talking but most of all be willing to understand the others point of view as they should your's.
    It takes giving on both sides finding the middle ground work from there.
    We tend to make things bigger then they need to be

    It helps seeing the good in things not so easy to do for the both of you.
    You know a few kind things go a long way you must be kind to your self also.
    Walks in the park watching nature get out side smell the rose's .
    Takes no money feed the ducks old bread .
    Do thing's that get you both out of the depression .
    That's helps changes both of your points of view.
    I wish you both the best.

  7. #7

    Default

    Having not dealt with depression myself, it's a bit hard for me to know what to think about this situation. Part of me wants to suggest that pairing up with another depression sufferer and building that sort of co-dependence is probably more of a detriment to recovery than an aid. But I don't know you, or her, so keep that firmly in mind! At the same time, having lately gone through some major life changes myself (relocation, new job for me, new job for wife, new school for kids, etc.), I can definitely appreciate how stuff like this can be emotionally destabilizing. I had more than a couple of panic attacks! We all have a natural tendency to get settled into situations, even situations that are far less than we deserve. After that, any kind of change, even a change for the better, can seem scary and altogether bad. At first.

    If she's dropping hints about committing suicide, then you're certainly right to be concerned. I would suggest, however, that you try not to use that as a crutch to prop up your relationship. Of all the reasons I can think of to continue a relationship with somebody, that would be among the worst. You deserve a better situation, and it sounds like she needs help. Your relationship may be a comfortable placeholder for both of those things, but that's probably only because it's where you happen to be at the moment, and change feels harder than non-change. I get that. Still, it's probably time to stand back and reassess things at a fundamental level. It sounds like you've lately done that with other aspects of your life, such as education and employment, and that's really awesome.

    Be concerned for her, but maybe start thinking about how you'd help her from the outside.

  8. #8

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by foxkits View Post
    Relationship's are not easy .
    You are both learning to be together that takes talking but most of all be willing to understand the others point of view as they should your's.
    It takes giving on both sides finding the middle ground work from there.
    We tend to make things bigger then they need to be

    It helps seeing the good in things not so easy to do for the both of you.
    You know a few kind things go a long way you must be kind to your self also.
    Walks in the park watching nature get out side smell the rose's .
    Takes no money feed the ducks old bread .
    Do thing's that get you both out of the depression .
    That's helps changes both of your points of view.
    I wish you both the best.
    Yeah they are definitely not easy at all, but I knew it wouldn't be. I appreciate the support and advice, thank you.

    - - - Updated - - -



    Quote Originally Posted by Cottontail View Post
    Having not dealt with depression myself, it's a bit hard for me to know what to think about this situation. Part of me wants to suggest that pairing up with another depression sufferer and building that sort of co-dependence is probably more of a detriment to recovery than an aid. But I don't know you, or her, so keep that firmly in mind! At the same time, having lately gone through some major life changes myself (relocation, new job for me, new job for wife, new school for kids, etc.), I can definitely appreciate how stuff like this can be emotionally destabilizing. I had more than a couple of panic attacks! We all have a natural tendency to get settled into situations, even situations that are far less than we deserve. After that, any kind of change, even a change for the better, can seem scary and altogether bad. At first.

    If she's dropping hints about committing suicide, then you're certainly right to be concerned. I would suggest, however, that you try not to use that as a crutch to prop up your relationship. Of all the reasons I can think of to continue a relationship with somebody, that would be among the worst. You deserve a better situation, and it sounds like she needs help. Your relationship may be a comfortable placeholder for both of those things, but that's probably only because it's where you happen to be at the moment, and change feels harder than non-change. I get that. Still, it's probably time to stand back and reassess things at a fundamental level. It sounds like you've lately done that with other aspects of your life, such as education and employment, and that's really awesome.

    Be concerned for her, but maybe start thinking about how you'd help her from the outside.
    I think I know what you're saying. But yeah I don't expect you to know how it feels if it's not something you've experienced, so no worries there. To some degree I think I know she has feelings of wanting to die, and given the right circumstances I know she would find a way. However, I can tell some part of her wants to live. She just has a sort of a... I want to say, tunnel vision? The good things (as I think you mentioned or maybe I misread) are harder to see with depression. I certainly am not trying to use her suicidal tendencies as a prop up to keep the relationship together. I am going to do my best to take the advice you all gave to heart and do my vest to apply what I can.

  9. #9

    Default

    I think fear of losing a job or fear of letting people down has made me work a lot harder. You don't want to panic or put so much pressure on yourself that you become more depressed. At the same time, you should focus on making yourself better. Part of that is becoming employable and that means getting that GED.

    When I lost my full time job at the end of 2000, I went back to college using a very affordable junior college. I worked very hard. I also found a part time job. It can be done. I was very methodical with my studies, and well organized. You can do this.

  10. #10

    Default

    Premetheus: I hope that my post finds you on a more solid step than when you posted a few days ago. Life shouldn't always be so hard. We all deserve a reprieve every once in awhile.

    Most of what ails us as humans is not perception but expectation. Our perceptions we can rarely change as they are mostly internal or even subconscious but we do have the ability to tweak our expectations.

    Why am I stating this?

    Well... the state of our expectations can actually influence our perception and can prove to be exemplary of new-found intuition (solving complex life-problems).

    Example:

    I feel like no one ever listens to what I have to say. [perception]
    I feel like I usually have some valuable input. [expectation]
    I feel like I can be more clear and assertive with my thoughts. [Intuition]

    It is usually only until we can recognize part three that any sort of differentiation can be seen clearly. This is the area of opportunity to react or act on that makes any difference in how we felt yesterday. The catalyst is really only the desire to change it or nurture it.

    Sometimes relationships can cloud our perception and our expectation together. Your post seems indicate the toxicity of how a relationship can play one against the other. It has it's pluses and it's trying times as any relationship does. There is no formula for a perfect one.

    If you take some time to evaluate what your relationship needs then you may discover some clarity. Only you and your fiance can put a weight to any area of it or it's importance.

    It sounds like you both are equipped to help each other. Don't let expectations get in the way.

Similar Threads

  1. Make my intro thread longer than Kraidens...
    By Ben in forum Greetings / Introductions
    Replies: 106
    Last Post: 29-Jun-2008, 13:06

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
ADISC.org - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community.
ADISC.org is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.